Refs Named MVPs in NFC Conference Championship Game

MVP-worthy performance

The two NFL referees who missed the pass interference call against Rams cornerback Nickell Robey-Coleman late in the fourth quarter in what would have been a critical play for New Orleans in the 2019 NFC conference championship game were named the game’s MVP recipients. The vote among judges was unanimous.

“The two referees were indisputably the most important factor in Los Angeles’ overtime win against New Orleans,” Peter Smith, who oversaw the voting for the MVP pick, said after conferring the award to the recipients, who the NFL asked not to be named to protect their safety.

MVP award

“Although it’s unusual not to name the MVP winners, the circumstances in this NFC championship game warrant taking these extraordinary measures,” NFL Commissioner Roger Goodall said in a statement.

“We are pleased to be recognized for our contribution to the Rams’ victory,” one of the recipients said in a statement. “Well, not to be recognized recognized. But to be recognized.”

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Saints quarterback Drew Brees said the MVP award went to the right people, but that doesn’t soften his disappointment in the call. “The Rams would probably not be going to Atlanta in two weeks without that call,” he said. “Still, it hurts like hell, I can’t lie.”

Brees said it doesn’t hurt as much as it hurts Saints receiver TommyLee Lewis, who is still recovering from the blow he sustained as he was preparing to catch the ball. “Are you my little pretty, Dorothy?” Lewis said from the locker room bench, from which he has been unable to rise since the end of the game. “I will  get you and your little dog, too!”

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With 1:45 left to play and the score tied at 20-20, Brees was about to hit Lewis with a well-thrown pass when Robey-Coleman slammed into the receiver in what three people in a remote Indonesian village watching the game on a 1982 Sony portable TV could clearly see was the most egregious example of pass interference in the last 10 years of American football. But the two referees within a few yards of the incident missed it, and apparently didn’t hear the sound of Lewis’ brain smashing against his skull inside his helmet, either.

“We stand by our non-call,” John Johnson, the head of the NFL’s referee corps, said in a statement. “The Superdome is a loud environment,” he said. “Brains do not make a lot of noise, certainly not enough to be heard against the din of the crowd even when they do hit against the inside of the skull. It’s time to move on.”

As of Midnight last night, Lewis was still trying to get up from the bench. “Can the wizard really give me a brain, Dorothy?” he said. “Surely you will think more of me when you hear the splendid thoughts my new brain is going to turn out and we go back to Kansas. Wait, are we in Kansas? The Patriots are in Kansas. Oh, my brain. My brain.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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