Young Men Vow Not to Go on Solo Dates, Say Second Man Can Help Unsnap Bra

“You’re with another person, I trust?’

A growing number of young men who vow not to go on solo dates so they won’t get accused of assaulting women say having a second man there will help them keep the woman down while one of them covers her mouth with his hand and tries to remove her clothes.

“It’s just too risky for a 25-year-old man like me to go on a solo date when it’s so easy for the woman, 36 years later, to say I tried to assault her,” says Jim Morgan, a systems analyst with a technology firm in Dallas. “By always having another man with me, I can better control my future accuser.”

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Under the trending movement, a man never goes on a solo date with a woman. That way there are witnesses should a man try to assault a woman or should a woman claim to be the victim of an assault.

“Men are just scared their actions will be misinterpreted,” says Stephen Gregory, 25, a recent law school graduate who’s hoping to get a clerkship in his home state of Indiana. “If I’ve had a couple of beers too many and start to get handsy, it’s important for another man to be there to help me get my date out of her clothes, especially if I start ralphing and need to run to the bathroom.”

The movement cites as its inspiration Vice President Mike Pence, who has a longstanding rule of never being alone in a room with a woman who’s not mommy, his wife.

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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