U.S. Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh says his calendar entry for Sept. 28 says he should have been confirmed as the next associate justice by now and he wants to know what the hell the hold up is.
“I’ve made clear in all my testimony that my calendar is an accurate reflection of my schedule and yet I’m still waiting on the Senate to vote on my confirmation,” Kavanaugh said at a press conference today. “Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has said both privately and in public that the Senate was to have voted on my nomination by now and yet we’re still waiting.”
Kavanaugh said there’s nothing on his calendar about waiting this long to be confirmed. “Anyone who looks at my entry for this weekend can see I have a much-needed vacation scheduled with my wife and daughters,” he said. “It’s as plain as the nose on my face. Starting September 29, I’m taking a vacation to ‘relax from stressful confirmation process.'”
Kavanaugh said he frankly doesn’t like it when his calendar and his schedule don’t match up. “All the way back to when I was in high school, if I made an entry that I was going to a party, then I expected to go to a party,” he said, adding that he “just really hates it” when something comes up to make him scratch over an entry. “It just gets to me,” he said. “Agh!”
The long-time federal judge and former White House counsel said he could go back to his calendar from high school and pinpoint where he was on any given day because he was meticulous about keeping his schedule updated. “Right here,” he said, pointing to an entry from 1982, when he was at a party. “Molest CB. Bathing suit coming off! Check!”
Kavanaugh said he hopes the Senate gets his confirmation scheduled soon. “So many things on my calendar are contingent on my getting this lifelong appointment confirmed,” he said. “What’s the hold up, people?”
This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: YouTube screen shot, pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) said efforts by the majority of Americans to stop the confirmation vote of Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh this weekend won’t work. “What I’ve said from the beginning is we will push forward with our vote no matter what most Americans say they want,” McConnell said this morning. McConnell pointed to widespread protests, heckling of lawmakers, and letters by legal, academic, religious, and civic organizations as a clear indication the nominee is unacceptable to most Americans and to key institutions. He said he expects a 51-49 or 51-50 vote (with the vice president acting as tie-breaker) in favor of the nominee to put the matter to rest. More.
U.S. Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh told the Senate Judiciary Committee yesterday he would welcome a fair and impartial investigation by the FBI into allegations that Democrats are using hard-knuckled tactics to derail his nomination. “Without an independent look by the FBI, we will never know with certainty if Democrats are trying to sully my reputation for integrity and decency by saying I tried to remove the clothes of a young lady when we were at a party,” said Kavanaugh, who appeared before the committee to rebut the unfounded, partisan allegations he sexually assaulted women when he was younger. More.
A second group of women has sent a letter to the Senate Judiciary Committee testifying that Brett Kavanaugh, President Trump’s nominee for the U.S. Supreme Court, didn’t assault them. “We have come together to attest to Judge Kavanaugh’s character by sharing with the committee that on no occasion did Judge Kavanaugh assault us in any way, sexual or otherwise.” The women say their experience with Kavanaugh includes interactions with him in a variety of settings, including when he was alone with them, sometimes with alcohol. Kimberly Davidson, a former librarian at Martin Luther King Library in Washington, D.C., where Kavanaugh grew up, said she interacted with Kavanaugh “multiple times” over the years and not once did he act in any way other than what would be expected from a young man in a public library. More.
Kavanaugh Says He Wouldn’t Have Made High School Girl Get Abortion Had He Impregnated Her During Assault
U.S. Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh sought to reassure the White House, Republican lawmakers, and the public that he never would have made the girl he assaulted in high school get an abortion had he impregnated her. “I categorically deny I would have asked her to get an abortion,” said Kavanaugh, who was considered a shoo-in to replace retiring justice Anthony Kennedy before assault allegations surfaced. “Had she asked me to pay for an abortion or drive her to an abortion clinic I would not have done so, nor would I have been happy had she driven herself to a clinic or paid for her abortion herself.” Kavanaugh is considered a solid conservative choice for the Supreme Court, which is currently evenly split between conservative and liberal justices. Supporters believe he’ll be a reliable foe of abortion rights, possibly even overturning Roe v. Wade, which has protected women’s access to safe and legal abortions for decades. More.
Retiring Senator Bob Corker (R-Tenn.) says he plans to be a thorn in President Trump’s side before he votes to confirm Trump’s pick to replace retiring U.S. Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy. “Because I’m not running for reelection, I can take brave positions without repercussions at the polls, which is why I’ll make a lot of noise until I give Trump what he wants,” Corker says. Retiring Senator Jeff Flake (R-Ariz.) is in a similar position. “I have a history of standing up to Donald Trump until I sit down to vote for what he asks for,” Flake says. “I think it’s important for all of us who worry about the health of our democratic institutions to wag our finger in the president’s face before we hand him more power.” More.
Associate U.S. Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy says he’s proud of his legacy on issues of fairness to women, minorities, and the LGBQT community, which is why he’s throwing it all away by giving the Republican president and Congress the chance to choose an arch conservative for his successor. “Had I waited, Democrats might have reclaimed the Senate and forced a moderate jurist to replace me and I couldn’t have that knowing the importance of my legacy on fairness issues,” he said. “As it is, I’m almost guaranteeing my work will be undone by my replacement.” Kennedy, a libertarian-leaning jurist appointed by President Reagan in 1988, was the court’s swing vote, siding with conservatives on economic issues but showing a progressive streak by siding with liberals on social issues like abortion, gay rights, and women’s issues. More.
The American Association of Game Animals released a statement today calling Antonin Scalia a “titan” of American jurisprudence, but because the Supreme Court justice, who died earlier this week, was an avid hunter, the group does not mourn his death. “Had Justice Scalia engaged in a hobby that did not involve the hunting and shooting of birds and anaimals, we would be as saddened by his death as anyone,” the group said in its statement. “But because his hobby involved the hunting and shooting of birds and animals, we instead breathe a sigh of relief that there is one less person in this country who will be coming after us with rifle in hand with the sole purpose of felling us to the ground.” More.
The judge picked to replace Antonin Scalia on the nation’s highest court, Merrick Garland, couldn’t make it more clear that President Obama is intentionally trying to change the country into something most Americans wouldn’t recognize, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said yesterday. “To come forward at this time with a distinguished judge who has been praised by both Republicans and Democrats for his professionalism and meticulous respect for the law exposes Obama for what he is,” said McConnell (R-Ky.). “There should no longer be any question that Obama intends to drive his agenda as far as he can in his remaining months in office, and we need to stop that before he leaves our country permanently changed.” More.
After what they call eight years of failed American foreign policy by the Obama administration, House Republican leaders say it’s time to spin off the country’s diplomacy and statesmanship to the private sector. “The United States was built by our world-leading companies,” House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) said at a press conference in the Capitol this morning. “The government doesn’t build Chevrolets. General Motors does. The country doesn’t make computers. Apple does. Today, it’s time to unleash our private sector on our foreign policy and do what our government has never been able to do: create peace and prosperity around the world.” Under the plan Ryan and other leaders unveiled, the heads of GM, AT&T, Citibank, and other multinational corporations would work with leaders of countries around the world to replace war with peace and confrontation with cooperation. More