Donald Trump’s Combover Denies It Wrote Anonymous NYT Op-Ed

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The combover of President Donald Trump has come out forcefully against rumors that it is the anonymous White House official who penned a New York Times editorial slamming the president for erratic, unprincipled decision-making while offering reassurances that adults are watching over the country’s safety.

“Although I disagree with the president on some matters, I am not the anonymous official who has written the editorial,” Trump’s combover said today.

The combover, which has been part of Donald Trump’s head since he started going bald in the late 1980s, took the additional step of calling for an investigation to identify the writer. “Anyone who works for this president has an obligation to do his or her work above board and not try to hide or cover anything up,” the combover said.

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President Trump came to his combover’s defense, saying it is second only to his brain in who he turns to for advice on his most important decisions. “I look to my brain first and foremost,” he says. “I talk to myself and say things. But I talk to my combover next. It’s covering my brain. The two know each other well. They’re of the same mind on many things.”

Trump and his combover have not always seen eye-to-eye. Among other things, his combover wanted the president to impose more demands on North Korean President Kim Jung-un before signing any statement of cooperation with the dictator. “It’s a hair-brained scheme,” the combover wrote at the time.

White House spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders said the president has given his full support to his combover and said there was no truth to the rumor that he would be leaving his combover in Washington when he travels for his next rally with supporters. “Americans expect to see the president’s hair on his head and that’s what they will see at his next rally,” Sanders said. “There’s no daylight between his head and his combover. They will both be at the rally. The idea that his hair will not be with him is fake news at its worst.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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