Trump: ‘Hah! My Tweets Will Save Me From the Law!’

Trump: ‘My tweets are my shield!’

President Trump said he’s not worried about the law closing in on him because as long as he has his tweets, he can keep federal authorities at bay.

“The coppers will never get through my onslaught of tweets about witch hunts, fake news, and Hillary Clinton’s emails to nab me!” he promised the people who follow him on Twitter this morning.

Trump said he’s not rattled by the conviction of his former campaign manager Paul Manafort on eight counts of bank and tax fraud or the guilty plea by his former fixer Michael Cohen on campaign and finance fraud because his deft use of Twitter enables him to ward off arrest at the hands of federal law enforcement.

“The Deep State might amass outside the White House but they’ll never lay a finger on me!” he tweeted this morning. “As long as I have a tweet left in me, I will escape the clutches of the law and put my signature on executive orders and bills that turn my critics’ faces red with anger!”

Trump said in additional tweets this morning that there was no collusion, the Democrats are the ones that need to be investigated, and his former advisor and reality show contestant Omarosa Manigault Newman is a dog. “Look at the disrespectful kneeling during our precious National Anthem by pampered football players who make millions of dollars to play a game they love!” he said.

He added that illegal immigrants are taking jobs, joining gangs, and using chain migration to burrow into American society to get subsidized health insurance and other welfare services that divert resources away from law-abiding Americans who need help fighting opioid addiction and who have seen their economic position decline as tariffs go up, real wages go down, and programs that might help them are cut from budgets to pay for tax cuts. “How terrible was Obamacare?!” he said.

He said the Supreme Court needs more conservative judges like Brett Kavanaugh and also that he’s completely wiped out ISIS. “We’re ending job-killing environmental laws!” he said.

With Manafort’s conviction and Cohen’s guilty plea, more than two dozen people associated with the president have admitted to or been found guilty of federal crimes.

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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