Trump Calls on Low-, High-IQ Americans to Come Together

Trump: Dogs must work with non-dogs

In a rare attempt at unification, President Trump in a televised address today said it’s time for Americans to put their divisions behind them and work toward a better future as one. “We have been working at cross purposes for too long,” he said from the East Room in the White House. “Low-IQ Americans and high-IQ Americans have been taking different paths while our country needs us to march in lockstep to reach the better America we all want. No more!”

He said the United States is poised to take the next step toward greatness but it’s up to low-status people to join hands with high-status people and for the educated to reach out to the uneducated. “Everyone has something to contribute,” he said, “from the biggest loser to the greatest winner.”

Thoughts for women with subpar bodies

Reaching for the kind of oratorical heights he has shunned in the past, Trump asked “hysterical, wacky, crazy, and crooked women” to seek common ground with not-smart people, including men, so that “the country we all love so much can grow its economy, cut additional taxes, and beef up its military.

“Our divisions are great but our common purpose is greater,” he went on. “Whether you’re a lowlife, very weak, a lightweight, or have blood coming out of your whatever, we call upon you to step up for your country. Together, we will make America even greater than it is.”

Trump said he will be announcing an initiative shortly to bridge differences between Americans. It will ask “pigs to set aside their differences with dogs,” and people of higher quality, including older women “in good shape,” to reach out to women with “subpar bodies” to start the arduous task of bringing the country together.

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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