Thousands of supporters of President Trump say the investigation of Russia-Trump collusion by Special Counsel Robert Mueller is actually a sophisticated cover-up for a secret investigation into a global conspiracy led by Mueller to make people believe Trump never released his taxes, went bankrupt in the 1990s, and appeared on TV saying he thinks his daughter Ivanka is a piece of ass that he’d like to date.
The theory has been circulating on what’s known as the dark web for months but has only recently come to light now that Mueller’s team is prosecuting former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort.
“The idea that Trump is actually the one doing the investigating and not Mueller is not new but it’s only now coming to light outside of certain dark corners of the Internet,” says CNN White House Correspondent Jim Acosta.
Under the theory, which supporters call ZAnon because its original author has identified himself only as “Z,” anti-Trump Republicans like sens. Jeff Flake (R-Ariz.) and Bob Corker (R-Tenn.), former FBI director James Comey, and former Republican operative Steve Schmidt, hired Mueller to make people believe, against all evidence, that Trump has never released his taxes. Mueller is also tasked with making people believe Trump has filed bankruptcy several times even though he never has. And Mueller is also trying to make people believe they saw Trump on TV say he wanted to date his daughter, which of course he never did.
Hunter Fleem, a retired electrician in Emmitsburg, Ohio, 20 miles south of Columbus, says he’s seen hundreds of pages of documents that leave no doubt that Trump in fact released his taxes to the public, in 2016.
“It’s a complete whitewash,” says Fleem, who says he spends most of his days and nights on the Internet now that he’s retired. “Ive seen the actual documents which show Trump’s taxes being looked at by The New York Times, CBS—you name it. The idea that Trump refused to release his taxes is the biggest lie, the biggest scam, that’s ever hit this country.”
Fleem blames “Never-Trumpers, liberals, Antifa, and global socialists” for trying to make people believe the public has never seen Trump’s taxes, which he says is laughable. “I’ve seen them with my own eyes,” he says. “They’re all on Z’s website. They got the IRS logos, the numbers, the Schedule As and the Forms 8629 and the whatevers. How much more proof do you need?”
Annette Barnes, a third grade teacher in Lansing County in Minnesota, says Trump never said on TV he would probably date Ivanka if she wasn’t his daughter. “That’s the biggest lie the fake news media have perpetrated on the American people,” says Barnes. “They say he said it right on TV. Well, I’ve seen proof that he never said it on TV. They only want you to believe you saw it on TV, when in fact you haven’t.”
Acosta said he’s talked to ZAnon supporters who claim the bankruptcies Trump filed in the 1990s were phony legal actions to make people believe he’s not a successful businessman. “People actually believe the legal filings are hoaxes,” he said on CNN this morning.
ZAnon supporters say they’re prepared for violence to spread as Trump and his investigative team gets closer to uncovering the truth about Mueller. “We just don’t know how Mueller will react if his cover’s blown,” says Anna Morrison, a store clerk in Albany, Pa. “He could be like a cornered animal. Hopefully he’ll go to jail quietly, but you have to be prepared for him to lash out at Trump. I hear he’s not very stable, Mueller. You can see it in his behavior. He’s kind of crazy.”
This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.
Members of the Beauty Industry Professionals of America weighed in on the beauty quotient of the 2020 presidential field and Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D) came out on top. “It might be the Native American blood in her but our members are saying she’s got that little zing that the others don’t,” says Suzanne Lerner, the organization’s president. Warren, 69, now in her second term, is a former Harvard professor who’s credited with designing the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, the federal agency created after the global financial collapse to protect consumers against financial fraud. The agency has been called overly aggressive by critics but has been largely neutered under the Trump administration. More.
President Trump said he’s not worried about the law closing in on him because as long as he has his tweets, he can keep federal authorities at bay. “The coppers will never get through my onslaught of tweets about witch hunts, fake news, and Hillary Clinton’s emails to nab me!” he promised the people who follow him on Twitter this morning. Trump said he’s not rattled by the conviction of his former campaign manager Paul Manafort on eight counts of bank and tax fraud or the guilty plea by his former fixer Michael Cohen on campaign and finance fraud because his deft use of Twitter enables him to ward off arrest at the hands of federal law enforcement. “The Deep State might amass outside the White House but they’ll never lay a finger on me!” he tweeted this morning. More.
In a rare attempt at unification, President Trump in a televised address today said it’s time for Americans to put their divisions behind them and work toward a better future as one. “We have been working at cross purposes for too long,” he said from the East Room in the White House. “Low-IQ Americans and high-IQ Americans have been taking different paths while our country needs us to march in lockstep to reach the better America we all want. No more!” He said the United States is poised to take the next step toward greatness but it’s up to low-status people to join hands with high-status people and for the educated to reach out to the uneducated. “Everyone has something to contribute,” he said, “from the biggest loser to the greatest winner.” Reaching for the kind of oratorical heights he has shunned in the past, Trump asked “hysterical, wacky, crazy, and crooked women” to seek common ground with not-smart people, including men, so that “the country we all love so much can grow its economy, cut additional taxes, and beef up its military. More.
Former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort is accused of withholding fees last week from the team of lawyers defending him from bank and tax fraud charges so he could buy a $2.1 million home in McLean, Va. The charges, filed today by Kevin Downing, Manafort’s lead defense lawyer, says he and six other lawyers were due to be paid $57,000 for their legal work on Manafort’s behalf for the last two weeks but the money instead went to American Title Company as an earnest money deposit on the 2,000-square-foot house, which would be Manafort’s 14th. Downing says he hopes to settle the dispute amicably outside of court, but he’s filing the charges to put Manafort on notice that the long-time political operative and international campaign consultant must pay his legal bills. More.
The president of the United States, Donald Trump, said on Twitter today “DO SOMETHING!” The president, citing “GUILT by Democrats/Clinton,” pointed to the “Uranium to Russia deal, the 33,000 plus deleted Emails, the Comey fix and so much more.” In other news, Trump’s one-time campaign manager, Paul Manafort, was indicted by a federal grand jury this morning and faces possible criminal charges for money laundering in connection to the investigation by Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller, who is looking into collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia. Manafort business associate Rick Gates was also indicted in connection with the matter. White House spokesperson Sarah Huckabee-Sanders says Trump stands by his call for someone somewhere to do something. “The president is clear that he wants something to be done and he wants it done now,” Huckabee-Sanders said. More.
President Trump has asked his legal team to settle on terms for him to sit down with special prosecutor Robert Mueller, who is leading a rigged witch hunt to discredit the Trump presidency and make Democrats feel better about Hillary Clinton losing the presidency. The New York Times and The Washington Post this weekend reported that Trump asked his lawyers to agree on terms for an interview with Mueller and the 17 other witch hunters. “Jay and Rudy don’t want the president to sit down for an interview with Mueller, because they’re concerned he could wander into legal jeopardy,” a White House source is quoted in The Washington Post as saying. More.
Three years after Donald Trump burst onto the political scene with his ride down the gilded escalator at Trump Tower, the well of ideas for stories about him is running dry, fake-news writers complain. “I’ve made up stories about affairs he’s had with porn stars and Playboy models, following beauty contest contestants into their dressing rooms, and grabbing women without their consent, and now I’m just depleted,” says Tucker Gretz, senior fake-news writer for The New York Times. Terry Carter, a fake-news writer for The Washington Post, says she thought she had the ultimate fake-news story with Trump . . . . More.
President Donald Trump said today he wants to be the only thing people think about each and every moment of their lives, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. “I only exist if people are thinking about me and only me from the moment they wake up to the moment they go to sleep,” he told reporters at a briefing in the Oval Office. “There are still people in parts of Africa, Antarctica, and maybe a few other places that don’t think about me and what I’m doing to the United States and even to the world. But with my success ratcheting up tensions with North Korea, Venezuela, Iran, and other countries around the globe, I believe I will reach my mark soon.”More.
President Donald Trump this morning says hell probably lie about it, although he’s not sure if he’ll use the lie he’s been planning to use or a different lie, including one he hasn’t thought of yet. “We’ll see how it goes when we get to that point,” Trump told reporters outside the White House. “One thing I think I’ve made clear is, I don’t like to give away my plan. I like to keep people guessing.” Trump said he will probably lie later this week given the decision he made last week. “You know, we have to deal with the fake news like you wouldn’t believe,” he said. “I’m just going to see what the expedient thing to say is, and, frankly, I don’t know what that will be yet—or maybe I do. Maybe I don’t want to tell you.” He said part of what he says might be truthful. “Maybe there’s an expectation I’ll lie completely,” he said. “We just don’t know, but there could be some truth to what I say. More.
A confidential memo prepared by White House lawyers has found that the president of the United States is in fact above the law and that the American people are in fact out of luck. “After exhaustive research into the Constitution of the United States and applicable legal precedents,” the memo says, “we have concluded that the president of the United States is actually above the law notwithstanding the idea that no one is above the law.” The memo goes on to explain that the president can shoot people, including former heads of the FBI, and fabricate reasons for meeting with enemies of the state while a candidate for president without consequences. More.
The bible of the journalism profession, the AP Stylebook, is no longer referring to the 45th president of the United States as Donald Trump or Donald J. Trump but as the criminal enterprise that’s taken over the White House. The change is significant because the Stylebook is the authoritative source on usage for newspaper reporters and editors as well as writers in broadcast, magazine publishing, marketing, and public relations. Charles Danbury, the style guide’s executive editor, says the change was necessary because of the importance of accurately reporting on the federal government. “As the resource that’s looked to by journalists throughout the United States, we take our responsibilities with the utmost seriousness,” Danbury said in a statement released today. “What we have in the White House is a criminal enterprise, funded by Russian oligarchs using money laundered through New York real estate, that is systematically assaulting the institutions that have made the United States a beacon for people around the world. Accuracy demands that we call the criminal operation what it is.” More.
GREENVILLE, S.C.—Deja Vu was bustling on Monday night but many of the men at the strip club weren’t enjoying the star attraction’s dance routine. The club was featuring Stormy Daniels, the newly famous stripper who allegedly was paid $130,000 before the 2016 presidential election to keep quiet about an affair she had with Donald Trump after his youngest son was born. But instead of being treated to a dance routine involving booty shakes, the men got what looked like a complex interpretive dance routine. “I’m not sure, but I think she was trying to tell a story or something,” said Jake Snyder, a regular at the club. More.
In a move to further push right-wing ideas into mainstream culture, a company is using funds from the conservative billionaire Koch brothers to buy a portfolio of storied magazines that no one under 50 reads! The magazines, Time and Sports Illustrated, among others, have played pivotal roles in the evolution of American journalism, but will now be used to inject a radical right-wing ideology directly into the blood stream of two million Americans who don’t realize they still receive the magazines in their mailbox each month except for when the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue comes out. “I am disgusted and concerned that magazines I didn’t know I still get will become nothing more than delivery vehicles for the detested ideology of the Koch brothers,” says Tom Blantner, 72, a long-time subscriber of the magazines who thought he discontinued them 10 years ago. More.
Vermont senator Bernie Sanders says he enderstands Hillary Clinton, doesn’t think she should be endicted for her use of a private email server while she was secretary of state, and confesses that Clinton has endeared herself to him. He also says its endeniable that Clinton is qualified to be president, accuses Republicans of trying to endermind the democratic process through voter registration laws, and says the United States will endure despite concerns over gun violence. On global affairs, he thinks the United Kingdom should endo its vote to leave the European Union, human rights violations are endemic in North Korea, and he calls on Israel to endertake the hard work needed to achieve peace with the Palestinians. More.
The bible of the journalism profession, The Associated Press Stylebook, has downgraded Donald Trump to a “millionaire” because his “billionaire” claims cannot be verified. “We take our responsibilities as the official guide to journalists in the United States seriously, and we feel the only responsible course of action is to downgrade the status of Donald Trump from billionaire to millionaire until further notice,” says Alfred Whitehurst, editor-in-chief of the Stylebook. Under the reference to Trump in the latest edition, Trump is identified as, “Trump, Donald J., millionaire* real estate developer and 2016 presumptive Republican nominee for president of the United States.” More.
The New York Times sent teachers of English into a tizzy when it split an infinitive on its front page this morning. “Clinton Team Starts to Cautiously Look at Running Mates,” blares the headline in the April 24, 2016, morning edition of the Times, widely considered the newspaper of record of the United States. Reaction from teachers of English was swift—and harsh. “We spend hours each quarter teaching students not to split their infinitives,and what does The New York Times do? It splits an infinitive!” says Mabel Goldsmith, an English teacher in Public School 371 in the Bronx and chair of the school’s English Department. “We expect better from The New York Times.” More.
President Trump said this morning he plans to kick off his 2020 reelection effort in a strategic planning session with his campaign manager on July 16 in Helsinki, Finland. “The Dems have already started rigging the election, so we have to be smart and not let them fraudulently get three million more votes than we did like they did last time,” Trump said. Trump said his campaign manager, Vladimir Putin, “knows how to play tough” when it comes to winning elections, so that should serve as a warning to Democrats. “Vlad doesn’t fool around,” he said. “He gets in there and makes a difference, whether it’s on social media, cyber strategy, he has a plan for every situation.” More.