House Government Oversight Committee Chair Trey Gowdy (R-S.C.) blasted Deputy U.S. Attorney General Rod Rosenstein for the length of Robert Mueller’s investigation into possible Trump campaign collusion with the Russians.
Gowdy, a former prosecutor who oversaw the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s responsibility for the attacks on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya, said Mueller has had 13 months and only come out with five guilty pleas and 18 indictments.
“Are we just supposed to wait while this investigation strings us along, damaging the country?” Gowdy said to Rosenstein when he appeared before the House Judiciary Committee last week.
Gowdy pointed out that the Benghazi investigation took 60 months and led to no indictments. “It’s not like we don’t know how long these investigations should take,” he said. “We know.”
The independent counsel investigation into an investment deal by the Clintons, known as Whitewater, took 85 months. The Iran-Contra investigation during the Reagan presidency took 84 months. An investigation into former Housing and Urban Development Secretary Sam Pierce during Reagan’s term took 108 months.
“Let’s hurry the hell up,” Gowdy said. “Thirteen months into this already? What’s next, 14 months? We need a damn good reason to keep dawdling on this while real people are getting hit with real indictments. We need to wrap this up real quick.”
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Besieged former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen says he should get the soundproof phone booth in the EPA director’s office now that Scott Pruitt has resigned from that position because no one on earth needs a secure place to make phone calls more than he does. “I’ve got a dozen prosecutors poring through every computer, laptop, tablet, and phone I own,” Cohen complained to reporters this morning. “If I had a carrier pigeon they’d be searching its legs for private messages. I need that friggin’ phone booth.” Cohen, who worked as Trump’s fixer for more than a dozen years and is at the center of an investigation into payments he made to women to keep them quiet about alleged sexual encounters they had with the president before he took office, says he’s owed at least the phone booth since he basically got nothing out of Trump’s 2016 election victory. More.
A confidential memo prepared by White House lawyers has found that the president of the United States is in fact above the law and that the American people are in fact out of luck. “After exhaustive research into the Constitution of the United States and applicable legal precedents,” the memo says, “we have concluded that the president of the United States is actually above the law notwithstanding the idea that no one is above the law.” The memo goes on to explain that the president can shoot people, including former heads of the FBI, and fabricate reasons for meeting with enemies of the state while a candidate for president without consequences. More.
President Trump touted his victory over the American people today after it was reported that most people in the United States have given up trying to hold him to account for his lies, insults, bad staffing and policy choices, possible collusion with the Russians, and past financial scandals. “We’ve made the large, beautiful American presidency great again,” Trump said in a rally-like address in West Virginia carried live by the broadcast networks and major cable providers. “When I started this, people were saying the presidency isn’t great anymore. Well, they’re not saying that now, are they?” Trump credited his stamina for carrying him over the finish line while Americans by and large have run out of steam. “I have the best stamina, the strongest stamina, and I’ve been told that by many people, many doctors,” he said. “They’re surprised when they see how big my stamina is. They say they’ve never seen such stamina—how did it get so big? I can tell you, Hillary Clinton wouldn’t be sitting behind this desk today declaring her victory over the American people, I can tell you that.” More.
President Donald Trump, speaking in China while on his Asia tour, said he should step down if allegations that he groped women without their consent years ago are true. “Like most Americans, I believe we cannot allow a mere allegation, in this case one from many years ago, destroy a person’s life,” the president said in Beijing. “However, I also believe that if these allegations are true, I should do the right thing and step aside.” The allegations concern incidences dating back to the 1990s and earlier. Almost 20 women have come forward to allege Trump touched them inappropriately, in some cases grabbing their genitalia without their consent. More.
General practitioners and internal medicine specialists across the country say they’re seeing a sharp rise in men shittin’ bricks and they’re at a loss to explain why. According to an alert released by the National Institutes of Health, the number of men shittin’ bricks has risen from less than one in every 100 office visits to almost five in every 100 visits in just the last two months, a baffling jump in a condition for which there is no effective treatment. “Is there something in the environment that’s causing a spike in men shittin’ bricks? We just don’t know,” says Peter Nelson, director of internal medicine research at the National Institutes of Health and the lead author of an NIH alert on the alarming trend. More.
Associate U.S. Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy says he’s proud of his legacy on issues of fairness to women, minorities, and the LGBQT community, which is why he’s throwing it all away by giving the Republican president and Congress the chance to choose an arch conservative for his successor. “Had I waited, Democrats might have reclaimed the Senate and forced a moderate jurist to replace me and I couldn’t have that knowing the importance of my legacy on fairness issues,” he said. “As it is, I’m almost guaranteeing my work will be undone by my replacement.” Kennedy, a libertarian-leaning jurist appointed by President Reagan in 1988, was the court’s swing vote, siding with conservatives on economic issues but showing a progressive streak by siding with liberals on social issues like abortion, gay rights, and women’s issues. More.
The American Association of Game Animals released a statement today calling Antonin Scalia a “titan” of American jurisprudence, but because the Supreme Court justice, who died earlier this week, was an avid hunter, the group does not mourn his death. “Had Justice Scalia engaged in a hobby that did not involve the hunting and shooting of birds and anaimals, we would be as saddened by his death as anyone,” the group said in its statement. “But because his hobby involved the hunting and shooting of birds and animals, we instead breathe a sigh of relief that there is one less person in this country who will be coming after us with rifle in hand with the sole purpose of felling us to the ground.” More.
The judge picked to replace Antonin Scalia on the nation’s highest court, Merrick Garland, couldn’t make it more clear that President Obama is intentionally trying to change the country into something most Americans wouldn’t recognize, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said yesterday. “To come forward at this time with a distinguished judge who has been praised by both Republicans and Democrats for his professionalism and meticulous respect for the law exposes Obama for what he is,” said McConnell (R-Ky.). “There should no longer be any question that Obama intends to drive his agenda as far as he can in his remaining months in office, and we need to stop that before he leaves our country permanently changed.” More.
After what they call eight years of failed American foreign policy by the Obama administration, House Republican leaders say it’s time to spin off the country’s diplomacy and statesmanship to the private sector. “The United States was built by our world-leading companies,” House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) said at a press conference in the Capitol this morning. “The government doesn’t build Chevrolets. General Motors does. The country doesn’t make computers. Apple does. Today, it’s time to unleash our private sector on our foreign policy and do what our government has never been able to do: create peace and prosperity around the world.” Under the plan Ryan and other leaders unveiled, the heads of GM, AT&T, Citibank, and other multinational corporations would work with leaders of countries around the world to replace war with peace and confrontation with cooperation. More
Boasts and counter-boasts about who among the remaining U.S. presidential candidates has the longest fingers, and therefore the most impressive endowment, took an unexpected turn when it was revealed that Democratic nomination front-runner Hillary Clinton has the longest fingers of them all. “Donald Trump might think he has his competition beat when it comes to the length of his fingers, but he might want to get out his ruler again because no one’s got an endowment like Hillary Clinton, if the length of her fingers is any guide,” says political consultant John Mayberry, who spoke this morning on CBS News. “I think this might give us some insight into who the real man in this campaign is.” More.
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, who withdrew from the Republican presidential nomination contest earlier this month after several lackluster finishes, announced today that he was running for vice president instead. “Donald Trump will be the presidential nominee and I intend to be by his side as vice president,” he said at his announcement, which he made with Trump by his side. “I see where things are heading with the nomination and I can serve two functions by being his vice president pick. One, I can stay in the game, which helps me, and two, I can stand as a credible, responsible partner to ease people’s minds that Trump is too unpredictable to be president, and that helps him.” More.
Starting in 2020, when U.S. currency is expected to be worthless, a woman will appear on the $10 bill, marking the first time a woman will be depicted on the country’s paper money. “This is an historic milestone for women and for the country,” U.S. Treasury Secretary Jack Lew said at an announcement yesterday. “It’s long past the time when a woman should be honored to be on what was once considered the world’s reserve currency.” Lew said it was simply a trick of fate that a woman would finally appear on U.S. currency at a time when it would be worth a fraction of what it once was. “We were not hoping a woman would appear on our currency when it was worthless,” he said. “It was not our intention.” More.