Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner, the daughter and son-in-law of President Trump, were greeted at the White House Monday morning by federal agents carrying out the government’s policy of separating children from parents who are illegal.
“The law is very clear that, even though Ivanka and Jared are employed at the White House as advisors to the president, they must be removed because bible,” Stewart Smith, head of the ICE White House Division, said in a statement.
Lawmakers and others immediately condemned the action as heartless and immoral. “To separate children from their parents, no matter the illegality of the parent, is wrong,” said Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.), minority leader of the Senate.
Former First Lady Laura Bush, in a rare rebuke of another administration, called on President Trump to step in and end the cruel detainment of his children. “No children deserve to be denied access to the place where, for the past 18 months, they’ve been putting down roots,” she said.
In a poignant twist, the action came the day after Father’s Day. “It’s a sad statement about our country that the two children of Donald Trump, through no fault of their own, cannot work in the White House because their father is probably illegal,” said Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.), House Minority Leader. “Sad but not surprising that our polarized country has come to this moment.”
President Trump has been accused of occupying the White House illegally because of help from Russia, an enemy of the United States. If it turns out Trump’s campaign team colluded with Russia, lawmakers could initiate impeachment of the president, although analysts say that’s unlikely to happen.
A “#FreeIvankaandJared” movement has sprung up on Twitter. It’s gotten little traction, though. Only 12 people have joined it.
This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.
WASHINGTON—Bowing to the economic realities of trying to fill 6,000 jobs in a short period of time, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) has announced relaxed employment requirements. “To help us carry out our mission of protecting America from cross-border crime and illegal immigration, we are opening our application process to legal immigrants, green card holders, DACA (Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals) recipients, and immigrants who say they’re her legally but left their papers behind,” the agency announced today. Among the jobs the agency is trying to fill are deportation and detention agents. The agency says these jobs, part of its Enforcement and Removal Operations, offer competitive benefits and can lead to fulfilling careers. More.
Despite His Criminality and Sexual Assault Bragging, He’s Not a Mexican Criminal or Rapist, Trump Says
Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump says he shouldn’t be mistaken for a Mexican, because although his university and foundation are under criminal investigation, his type of criminality is different from a Mexican’s. The same goes for the revelation that he’s a man who sexually assaults women. Although he kisses and grabs women without waiting for their consent, he isn’t a Mexican rapist because he’s a celebrity and the women let him do it. “Hillary Clinton and her slimy rapist husband Bill Clinton are trying to make people believe I’m Mexican because of the criminality of my operations and my history of assaulting and abusing women,” he said today. “But I’m not, and these attacks are part of the rigged election. I can guarantee you, my supporters are going to use their Second Amendment freedom to protest this rigged election when I lose because of Hillary’s cheating.” More.
Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump, fresh from his dramatic trip to Mexico to discuss immigration policy, said he would allow Angélica Rivera, the wife of Mexican president Enrique Peña Nieto, into the country if she wants to come. “We would make an exception for her, absolutely, and I told her that when I was in Mexico,” Trump said at a campaign stop in Albuquerque, N.M. “I told her I’ll have a car ready for her anytime she wants to come. She has my number. She said she’d like to see Trump Tower. I said I’d like to show it to her.” Rivera, 47, an actress and model before she became Mexico’s First Lady, was born in Mexico City. She has been married to Peña Nieto since 2010. Trump’s trip to Mexico has generated a considerable amount of analysis. In Mexico, he appeared to take a conciliatory approach to the country, but that appeared to change in a major address he gave in Phoenix that night. More.
Citing a “great deal” that Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump promised him on supplies, labor, and land, Mexican president Enrique Peña Nieto says he is rethinking his opposition to the wall Trump wants to build to separate the two countries. “Of course, there are a lot of negatives to the wall,” Peña Nieto said in his revised statement, issued this morning at the National Palace in Mexico City. “But there is much more of an upside to this than I realized.” Peña Nieto said Trump, with his extensive ties to real estate and development interests in the United States, can get him a “great deal” on everything it would take to build the wall, which is intended to keep out Mexicans who come to the U.S. illegally. “Deals like this don’t come around every day,” he said. More.
Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump started fleshing out details of his administration should he win in November with release of a detailed plan for a U.S. Department of Deportations that he will create within his first 100 days in office. “We have 11 million illegal Mexicans to deport and 1.6 billion Muslims to keep out of our country, so it’s going to be a big department and it’s going to do things well,” Trump said yesterday at a press conference
in the lobby of his signature building in New York City, Trump Tower. Under the plan, the Department of Deportations will be a part of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security but it will have independent funding and its chief will be a presidential appointee. Trump said the department won’t require annual appropriations from Congress because it will generate its own funds through a levy on Mexican imports into the United States. More.
Marla Maples, the former wife of Republican presidential nomination frontrunner Donald Trump, says her former husband is endowed with wealth and a go-getter personality, but he is not well-endowed in the one aspect of his life he would like to be, and she thinks that this inadequacy is driving his presidential run. “Do I think he feels small in that respect?” asked the one-time actress who was Trump’s wife from 1993 to 1997 and was known as the “other woman” when Trump was married to Ivana Trump. They had one daughter between them, Tiffany Trump, who today is known for her enthusiastic use of Instagram. More.
SINGAPORE—President Trump said today he’s giving the world its greatest photo op ever by meeting North Korean leader Kim Jong-un in exchange for meeting with the North Korean leader. “It’s unbelievable the pictures and the video you’re getting because of my decision to meet with Kim in exchange for my having a meeting with Kim,” Trump said at his press briefing with Kim. Trump said news outlets from all across the world have set up cameras and satellite trucks to send back footage of him shaking hands with Kim and saying things privately to him, while leaders of other countries, like Angela Merkel of Germany or Emmanuel Macron of France, don’t have cameras and microphones following them around. More.
EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt says he will stop making his most important decisions in his $43,000 soundproof phone booth because apparently the decisions he makes in it are really bad ones. “It seemed like a good idea at the time to have aides drive around D.C. to find that really nice smelling lotion I like,” said Pruitt, who has been hit with almost two dozen ethics violations since he was appointed last year. “But now that I’m not in my soundproof phone booth, I see that it wasn’t a good idea.” Pruitt said he was in hs phone booth when he tried to get his wife a Chik-Fil-A franchise, signed an agreement to lease a lobbyist’s apartment for $50 a night, and asked an aide to buy him a used mattress from the Trump International Hotel in D.C. More.
Americans say there’s no comparison between the insults North Korea leader Kim Jong-un hurls at President Donald Trump and the ones Trump hurls at Kim Jong-un. In a Marist poll released this morning, 74 percent of Americans say Kim’s insults, which include calling Trump a dotard, are “far and away” better than Trump’s insults, which include calling Kim Rocket Man and Little Rocket Man. “You would think Trump, given his experience insulting people, would be more effective at insulting Kim than he has been, but Americans say they’re just not impressed with what Trump has come up with,” says Terry Norton, director of public polling at Marist. More.
Pointing to the “unbelievable job” he’s doing as president, Donald Trump today said he’s way ahead of his schedule for fixing everything that’s wrong with America. “When I was nominated by so many Americans last year, I said that I alone can fix our great country’s problems,” he said in a briefing with reporters. “I’m glad to say your president has delivered on his promises and you’ll be so surprised and so pleased at how much I’ll deliver on my promises in the weeks and months ahead.” Trump cited the success of free speech that was expressed in Charlottesville, Va., yesterday, in which a coalition of white nationalist groups clashed with anti-fascist demonstrators. “The free speech was so good,” he said of the rally, at which one protestor was killed when an alleged neo-Nazi supporter rammed his car into a crowd of people. Two officers were also killed when their police helicopter crashed. Virginia Governor Terrence McAuliffe declared a state of emergency. More.
The CNN executive who got body slammed by Donald Trump in the viral wrestling video says the fight didn’t end when the video ended; it ended after an additional round of fighting in which Trump didn’t fare quite so well. The executive, who asked to remain anonymous so he could speak frankly, said he hit Trump with a leapfrog body guillotine, in which he ran up to Trump from behind, jumped on his back, and hopped over his head, forcing Trump down onto the ground. “It was a dirty move but the President fights dirty,” said the executive. More.