Pruitt Blames His Tone Deaf Decisions on His Soundproof Booth

What, me worry?

EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt says he will stop making his most important decisions in his $43,000 soundproof phone booth because apparently the decisions he makes in it are really bad ones.

“It seemed like a good idea at the time to have aides drive around D.C. to find that really nice smelling lotion I like,” said Pruitt, who has been hit with almost two dozen ethics violations since he was appointed last year. “But now that I’m not in my soundproof phone booth, I see that it wasn’t a good idea.”

Apparently affects thinking

Pruitt said he was in hs phone booth when he tried to get his wife a Chik-Fil-A franchise, signed an agreement to lease a lobbyist’s apartment for $50 a night, and asked an aide to buy him a used mattress from the Trump International Hotel in D.C.

He also was in his phone booth when he ordered a dozen personalized pens for more than $3,000, instructed his staff to ban reporters from a summit on toxic contaminants, and appointed a chemical company lawyer to head EPA’s Superfund Advisory Board.

Pruitt says he’ll just use his phone booth for private conversations and use his office when he has to make important decisions. “I see now that I make better decisions at my desk,” he said.  “Like that decision to have the $43,000 phone booth installed in the first place. That was made at my desk, and that was a good one.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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