Santorum Told to Learn How to Take His Own Foot Out of His Mouth

Rick Santorum and foot

Rick Santorum, who was voted out of the U.S. Senate in 2006 by people who live in Pennsylvania, was slammed by news commentator Van Jones on CNN yesterday for expecting lawmakers to take his foot out of his mouth rather than learning how to do it himself.

“Instead of looking to someone else to solve your problem, do something about maybe taking foot-removal classes or trying to deal with situations so that when there is a foot in your mouth, you can actually respond to that,” said Van Jones, who was part of a panel discussion with Santorum on CNN’s State of the Union show. The show was looking at the big March for Our Lives rally by students from across the United States to protest gun violence and push for changes in gun rules.

Van Jones

“You’re not taking action,” Jones went on. “You’re not saying, ‘How do I, as an individual, deal with this foot in my mouth? How am I going to do something about these five toes, this sole, and this heel that are making it difficult for me to talk? What am I going to do to actually help respond to the fact that my foot is not on the ground but is stuffed into the hole into which I usually put food and through which fluids pass? Instead of going and protesting and saying, ‘Oh, someone else needs to pass a law to take my foot out of my mouth,’ I instead do something myself?”

Santorum, who was having difficulty talking, said he doesn’t think he should spend his time learning how to take his foot out of his mouth because there are doctors and nurses to do that. “I want to focus on being a tone deaf asshole and other stuff,” Santorum said, although it was hard to understand what he was saying. “If my main way to be a tone deaf asshole is learning foot-removal procedures, so when I stick my foot in my mouth I can remove it myself, that, to me, means something is wrong.”

Santorum said his feet should be used for things like walking and marching, even if it means marching to Washington to demand political change. “I think lawmakers need to know my feet will be walking to the polls soon and voting them out of office if they don’t step up, toe the line, and start kicking some ass—tone deaf ass.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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