2nd Amendment Needed to Protect People Against 2nd Amendment, NRA Says

WASHINGTON–Wayne LaPierre, executive vice president of the National Rifle Association, made a rare admission that the second amendment has become such a problem that people should be thankful they can arm themselves under the second amendment to protect themselves against it.

“You can see it in their eyes,” LaPierre said of second-amendment nuts after speaking at a conference here. “They have that look that says, ‘You’ll take my gun when you claw it out of my cold, dead hands.'”

LaPierre said people should take advantage of the second amendment by buying a gun and keeping it with them in case they come in contact with one of these second-amendment nuts. “You don’t want to argue with them unless you can match their firepower,” he said. “Really, It’s just common sense.”

LaPierre: Better be prepared’

The second amendment gives people a constitutional right to keep and bear arms so the state can mount a militia with citizens who are prepared to fight. The NRA in recent decades has taken the position that the constitutional right is unconditional even though the amendment links gun possession to the need for a well-regulated militia and says nothing about gun ownership. Thanks in part to its hard-line interpretation of the amendment, gun ownership has become a fetish for many people. LaPierre said the only way to protect yourself against these people is to make sure you’re armed yourself.

“Luckily, the second amendment gives you that right,” he said. “Don’t be squeamish. Get your gun. You’re going to need it.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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