Wayne LaPierre: ‘I Am a Really, Really Happy Person’

LaPierre: Life is good

National Rifle Association President and CEO Wayne LaPierre says he loves the life he leads and can’t believe his good fortune to live in a world in which he can occasionally walk down a street carrying only a light handgun and having only a single bodyguard hardening his perimeter.

“There are a lot of bad people with guns but, fortunately, sometimes there are only a few of them around you in your immediate kill zone,” LaPierre said in a interview this morning with American Freedom News.

Bucolic setting

LaPierre says his living compound in an undisclosed location in the Northern Virgina suburbs of Washington, D.C., is a wonderful retreat for him. Its network of armed check points enables him to wander around its 4.7 acres of wooded piedmont forest without having to be armed except when he checks his mailbox, which is four feet outside the compound’s most secure safe zone. “I purposely asked that the mail drop be only minimally hardened because I want to maintain contact with the real world at least a few times a week,” he said.

One of his favorite things to do on weekends is to talk to his neighbors over the security fence, and he hopes one day to have someone move in next to the compound that isn’t part of his security detail. “I have a new guy living in the house outside the quadrant protecting the northeast buffer zone who is funny as hell,” he said. “He tells me these stories and always ends them by saying something about ‘biting the bullet’ or ‘taking a bullet.’ It’s really, really funny. But still, he’s an employee.”

LaPierre says people would probably be surprised to learn he didn’t always feel personally secure when he was a teenager and he hopes his story will be an inspiration to awkward teenagers today that they can also grow up to http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1936488434/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1936488434&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=ALHYH4QKBNNVIUVSbe personally secure, or at least prepared to protect their personal security. “Maybe you’re a personally unsecured teenager today, but tomorrow you’re a young man who takes care of his own security rather than relying on government to protect you at the expense of your freedom,” he said. “The freedom I enjoy as I walk around my compound is enhanced by knowing I’m relying on myself and my own staff to secure my personal space and not selling out to a Socialist-styled government.

“I think that’s the lesson for young people,” he went on. “Be responsible for your own security. When I engage the world, I know where my escape routes are. I know who’s around me at all times. I sometimes think of myself as the freest person in America because unlike the person who doesn’t know the intention of the person walking up to him, I know everyone who walks up to me. No one just walks up to me. I never encounter a human being that I or my security detail doesn’t already know whether he’s carrying or not, whether he’s friend or foe. Believe me, when you know beforehand the security status of everyone you meet, you are the freest person on earth. It might not always feel like you are, but you are.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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