Mitt Romney, the former GOP presidential nominee and governor of Massachusetts, has announced he’s running for the seat of retiring U.S. Senator Orrin Hatch of Utah.
“We need more Utah values in the federal government,” Romney said in his announcement video.
He defined “Utah values” as taking bold stands that win admiring praise. “What we want are the kind of grandstanding statements that make people think you have a spine before you show them you don’t.”
Romney pointed to his success disavowing his biggest achievement as governor of Massachusetts by saying his market-based approach to providing health insurance to everyone in the state was a mistake. “Had I known it would generate criticism from Republicans outside of Massachusetts I never would have implemented that successful program,” he said.
Romney said he thinks he can prevail in heavily Republican Utah in part because he has the endorsement of President Trump. “When I ran for president in 2012 I made it clear I would not accept the endorsement of someone as morally challenged as Donald Trump,” he said. “Had I known I would have wanted his endorsement six years later, I never would have said that.”
Romney was hailed as a hero in 2016 when he stepped forward with a bold warning to Republicans that Trump was a phony and a fraud and should not be the Republicans’ standard bearer in the 2016 race for the presidency. He reversed course when Trump, as president-elect, asked him to dinner to talk about his being secretary of state. “I can state with all firmness that, had I known he would hold out the possibility of my being secretary of state, I never would have said what I said,” he said. “And I say that with conviction.”
Cynthia Reid, a retired homemaker in Salt Lake City who is a likely voter, says she thinks Romney will make a good senator because he knows what he stands for. “He’s a firm conservative who was governor of liberal Massachusetts and who owns a sprawling estate in liberal California,” she says. “Had he become secretary of state, he would have become the de facto leader of the liberal Deep State. That’s why he’s the right person to lead the most consistently conservative state in the union. We know where he stands: exactly where President Trump wants him to.”
This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.
Democratic National Committee Chairman Tom Perez would neither confirm nor deny that party leaders are quietly courting a shark to run against President Donald Trump in 2020 should he run for reelection, as he’s expected to do. “All I can say is, we have many potential candidates who are the right person to lead our country at an important time in our history and who are well positioned to defeat our historically unpopular President,” Perez said when asked today about whether his organization is in talks with a shark to run against the President. Rumors that the DNC is courting a shark surfaced this week when Rep. Seth Moulton (D-Mass.), an up and coming lawmaker who is said to be contemplating a run for president in 2020, accused the DNC of treating him and other potential candidates like “plankton and krill” who are “nothing more than calories to be filtered through the open mouths of a basking shark.” More.
President Trump, long considered a master at keeping track of his lies, is starting to get his lies confused with one another and making mistakes that are uncharacteristic of him, aides say. “I don’t know if it’s the pressure of the job or his age or some combination of the two, but the President is not the guy who could make up stories on the fly anymore,” one aide said on the condition of anonymity so the person could speak freely about the President’s mental state. The aide cited the current messaging challenge posed by former White House secretary Ron Porter, who resigned two weeks ago after allegations arose that he abused his two ex-wives and also an ex girlfriend. More.
Top White House policy aide Stephen Miller has been accused of abusing himself by yelling at his face in the mirror when he shaves, making disparaging remarks about his empty social life when he eats dinner alone, and wishing he were anyone other than the most disliked person in Washington when he wakes up in the morning. The accusation, which was first reported by The Guardian of London, is based on an extensive interview with Miller by the publication and corroborated by Miller’s neighbor, who says she hears “abusive, expletive-filled language” every night between Miller and his bathroom mirror. More.
President Trump says his military parade, in which soldiers, tanks, missiles, and other vehicles will come down Pennsylvania Ave. in formation to showcase U.S. military might, will attract bigger audiences than President Obama’s military parade and will even be bigger than the parades of the last 10 presidents combined. “The tanks, the trucks—they’ll be like nothing we ever saw with Obama or even with the others,” Trump said this morning. “Very few people showed up for Obama’s parade. And I heard that some of the tanks broke down, Jeeps had flat tires, some soldiers didn’t march in a straight line.” More.
Conservative news tabloid National Midnight Star released a blockbuster report today claiming Donald Trump’s relationship with porn star Stormy Daniels in 2006 didn’t occur spontaneously but was arranged and paid for by his wife Melania so she could “get him out of the bed for a freakin’ while” and focus on raising their son. “You have to understand, Melania thought having sex with Donald Trump was a small price to pay to get the lifestyle she wanted with his money,” says a White House staffer who was quoted anonymously by the tabloid. “But she realized after a year with him that it wasn’t a small price at all; it was a price that was too steep for her to pay and she became desperate, as anyone would.” More.
Stephanie Graham, spokesperson for Melania Trump, said it’s not true that the First Lady reversed her plans to attend the world economic summit at Davos, Switzerland, after learning Nikki Haley, U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations, would be there. “Reports that the First Lady was planning to attend Davos and backed out only because Ambassador Haley was attending are not true and should be corrected immediately,” Graham says. “The First Lady has a scheduling conflict that is preventing her from attending Davos, which she was very much looking forward to doing.” Davos is the annual gathering of the world’s business elites and thought leaders to discuss the state of global economics, technology, and culture. Rumors have been multiplying in recent days that Haley and President Trump are carrying on an affair and that the First Lady only learned of it after Michael Wolff, author of the blockbuster book Fire and Fury, hinted about it in his TV interviews. More.
GREENVILLE, S.C.—Deja Vu was bustling on Monday night but many of the men at the strip club weren’t enjoying the star attraction’s dance routine. The club was featuring Stormy Daniels, the newly famous stripper who allegedly was paid $130,000 before the 2016 presidential election to keep quiet about an affair she had with Donald Trump after his youngest son was born. But instead of being treated to a dance routine involving booty shakes, the men got what looked like a complex interpretive dance routine. “I’m not sure, but I think she was trying to tell a story or something,” said Jake Snyder, a regular at the club. More.
Racists across the United States said they’re impressed with the degree of racism in the things President Trump says given that he’s not a racist. “For someone who isn’t a racist, President Trump says the most racist things we’ve ever heard from a non-racist,” says Dexter Smith, president of the American Society of Racists. “People who aren’t racist tend not to say racist things, but President Trump has consistently said racist things since he became a national political figure in 2016. He is truly a non-racist who says a lot of racist things.” Smith said he can’t think of any other non-racist who says things as racist as Trump does nor as frequently. “I’m tempted to say he says more racist things more frequently than even many racists,” he said. Among the racist things Trump has said is his remark in 2016 that a judge of Mexican-American heritage cannot be objective in a fraud case involving Trump University and that . . . More.
House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) called it “very unfortunate and unhelpful” that President Trump is destroying the United States, and said it would be better if the President didn’t destroy the institutions he has sworn to oversee or make the United States loathsome in the eyes of people around the world. He also said it would be better if the President didn’t pit Americans against Americans. “Would it be better if the President tried to strengthen our institutions? Yes, it would,” Ryan said. “Would it be better if he tried to make people look up to the United States rather than down on it? Yes. And would it be a plus if he brought Americans together rather them drive them apart? Yes, I’m sure it would be.” Ryan said he can’t speak for Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), but he believes the Majority Leader also thinks it’s very unfortunate and unhelpful when the President makes the United States an object of hatred and derision around the world. More.
Trump Can’t Understand Why U.S.’s Crumbling Infrastructure, Mediocre Schools, and Depleted State Budgets Aren’t Enticing More Migration From Norway
President Trump today said he’d like to see more immigration from Norway and other advanced countries but for some reason people who live in places with well-run and adequately funded governments don’t want to come to the U.S. “I’m not sure why a person who does satisfying work in a country that provides well-run public services doesn’t want to come here,” Trump said at a press briefing. “Apparently our obsolete airports, money-starved transit systems, and hellish public services don’t appeal to people whose countries invest in their citizens.” More.
President Donald Trump was rewarded with applause and cheers for insulting and taking for fools the people he was speaking to at an event in Nashville, Tenn., earlier this week. Trump told the several thousand people at the event they were happy they voted for him and that they were lucky he gave them the privilege to vote for him. “Oh, are you happy you voted for me,” the President told the people watching his mouth move and listening to the words coming out. “You are so lucky that I gave you that privilege.” More.
Former Trump advisor Stephen Bannon believes he still influences public debate over important topics like immigration reform and the economic policy of the United States. The former executive editor of Breitbart News is a former campaign manager of Trump’s who at one time had the support of wealthy political backers like Robert Mercer and his daughter Rebekah, billionaires who fund conservative causes. Bannon, 64, was a chief architect of the loss of a long-held Republican seat in the Senate by throwing his support behind Roy Moore, an accused child molester who lost to Democrat Doug Jones in last month’s special election to fill the Alabama Senate seat vacated when Jeff Sessions became U.S. Attorney General. More.
President Donald Trump was overheard singing the Russian national anthem rather than the American national anthem during the opening ceremony of the NCAA football championship game between Alabama and Georgia universities Jan. 8. “От южных морей до полярного края,” the President was heard singing, while those around him were singing, “What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming.” Commentators have remarked that the President didn’t appear to know the words to the national anthem, but it wasn’t until a recording surfaced in which his voice could be heard that it became clear it was the Russian national anthem that he was singing. More.
President Donald Trump said it was a mark of his intelligence that he allowed a reporter—Fire and Fury author Michael Wolff—to have unfettered access to White House staff for a year. “I’m, like, really smart for letting him act as a fly on the wall while my administration settled into the task of governing the country over the past year,” Trump said. The president pointed out that he’s a good read of character and knows who should and who shouldn’t get access to his staff. “No one knows people better than I do,” he said. “To be a billionaire, TV star, and now president, you need to be able to size people up and know who should and who shouldn’t be talking to your top staff day after day with the aim of writing a tell-all book.” More.
President Donald Trump spoke at the Camp David presidential retreat in Maryland today to show that there are still men who are willing to stand with him at a podium, and there are probably some women willing to do it, too. “As you can see by the people who are standing behind me at this moment, there are, and I expect will remain, men and probably women who are willing to associate their physical body with mine in a way that we expect from our elected leaders,” Trump said. More.
House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) probably aren’t going to say anything about it, according to the two congressional leaders’ aides. Max Phillip, McConnell’s chief of staff, said it’s the Majority’ Leader’s intent not to say much about President Trump’s tweet comparing his nuclear button to the nuclear button of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. “Would he plan to comment on that anytime soon?” Phillip said. “I wouldn’t expect that.” Phillip said there’s always a temptation to say something when the President’s son is accused of treason by a person who was the President’s top aide just a short while ago, but the Majority Leader will probably not address it. “You have to think about what you remark on and what you don’t remark on, and I think the Majority Leader will probably choose not to remark on that,” he said. More.
Reporters from national news outlets were mystified today as presidential spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders talked about concern in the White House over a “brain drain” of senior staff in the new year. “She said the White House was concerned that many senior aides were talking about leaving this year, but no one could figure out how that connected to a brain drain,” said Major Garrett, chief White House correspondent for CBS News. Jake Tapper, chief Washington correspondent for CNN, said he was equally mystified by the comment even though he knows of “a lot of senior staff” who plan to leave. Sanders’ comment left reporters so confused that the White House press office was flooded with calls after the briefing, but no one was able to get clarification about a brain drain. More.
President Donald Trump today said he wants to put the partisan bickering behind him and focus on policy goals both sides can agree on, like infrastructure investment. “It’s important for the country that we work together,” he said at a White House breakfast with Republican and Democratic leaders to welcome in the new year. “Americans want us to come together and I plan to do that—with or without the Democrats.” Trump said it would be nice if the Democrats were part of the effort to be bipartisan, but he’s not counting on it. “Frankly, we can do it without them,” he said. “We have shared goals. We want better airports. We want first-class airports, the best airports in the world. We’ll get those whether we have help from the Democrats or not. We’d rather work together.” More.
Pence Not Allowed to Meet Alone With Trump Any More After What His Mouth Was Caught Doing in Last Cabinet Meeting
The staff of Vice President Mike Pence have extended his rule about never meeting alone with women to include Donald Trump out of fear he’ll act inappropriately with the president. ‘This is just a cautionary measure that we decided should be in place after we caught the vice president’s mouth acting inappropriately with the president during the last cabinet meeting,” says Pence’s chief of staff, Nate Avers. The last cabinet meeting was held the day Congress passed its sweeping tax reform bill and Pence was caught on camera using his mouth on Trump in a way that made onlookers blush. “I’m deeply humbled to be your vice president and to be able to be here,” the vice president’s mouth was caught saying. “I want to thank your outstanding team. I want to thank you for seeing through the course of this year an agenda that truly is restoring this country. More.
Republican voters across the country say the tax returns of Donald Trump that no one has seen make it clear he will personally take a big financial hit once he signs tax reform into law. “You’ve got to hand it to the president,” said Joe Carter, a retired accountant in Biloxi, Miss. “Based on the tax returns he’s refused to share with the American people, he’ll lose millions of dollars from the bill that he himself is going to sign. What a selfless act on the part of our president. Not too many people would of that, but he’s doing that for us.” Since the race between Richard Nixon and John F, Kennedy in 1959, presidential contenders have made their tax returns available so the public can get a picture of their finances and analysts can determine if the laws they sign as president benefit them personally. More.
President Donald Trump this morning says hell probably lie about it, although he’s not sure if he’ll use the lie he’s been planning to use or a different lie, including one he hasn’t thought of yet. “We’ll see how it goes when we get to that point,” Trump told reporters outside the White House. “One thing I think I’ve made clear is, I don’t like to give away my plan. I like to keep people guessing.” Trump said he will probably lie later this week given the decision he made last week. “You know, we have to deal with the fake news like you wouldn’t believe,” he said. “I’m just going to see what the expedient thing to say is, and, frankly, I don’t know what that will be yet—or maybe I do. Maybe I don’t want to tell you.” He said part of what he says might be truthful. “Maybe there’s an expectation I’ll lie completely,” he said. “We just don’t know, but there could be some truth to what I say. More.