NRA Quietly Trying to Get “Keep and Bear” Replaced with “Own” in Second Amendment

NRA headquarters

The National Rifle Association has been working quietly for the last few months to get an amendment to the U.S. Constitution that deletes the words “keep and bear” in the Second Amendment and replaces them with “own” so the language in the gun-rights amendment matches their view that people have a right to gun ownership.

“It’s kind of embarrassing, but we’ve been dropping anvils on the heads of anyone who challenges the right to gun ownership but, you know, the Constitution doesn’t even grant the right to gun ownership,” says James Smith, the NRA’s chief lobbyist. “It only grants the right to keep and bear arms, which is a different standard. Hah-hah. Do we look stupid or what?”

The Second amendment says, “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

John Carter, a constitutional scholar at Harvard University, says the “keep and bear” standard can be met simply by the state militia loaning a gun to someone on condition of their being a member of the militia. “No where in the Constitution does it say anything about the right to gun ownership being sacrosanct,” Carter says. “I can see why the NRA wants to get the language changed. Their whole argument is based on the right to gun ownership, but that’s a non-existent right. If they don’t feel stupid, they should.”

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1936488434/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1936488434&linkCode=as2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=ALHYH4QKBNNVIUVSNancy Brown, a constitutional scholar at Columbia University, says most Americans don’t realize the Second Amendment doesn’t give them a right to gun ownership, and once they realize that, they’ll understand that restricting ownership of assault rifles like the AR-15, which is used in most headline-grabbing random shootings, doesn’t restrict someone’s right to keep and bear arms. “Does a well-regulated militia want you to own an assault rifle?” Brown says. “That’s up to the militia. But if you’re part of the militia, they can give you a pistol and they’ve met your constitutional right to keep and bear arms. There’s nothing that says you have a right to own an assault rifle. I don’t know where that myth came from. The NRA, I guess.”

Smith, the NRA lobbyist, said it’s been harder than he expected to get lawmakers in Congress to pass an amendment to change the words in the Second Amendment. “Once a lot of blue state senators and representatives realize there’s no constitutional right to own guns, they get all excited about getting some restrictions passed,” he said. “I wish there was some way to get the amendment changed without actually letting people know there really isn’t a right to gun ownership. Unfortunately, there isn’t. We shouldn’t have made such a big deal out of gun ownership. Now we’ve got people who have a fetish about it. We’re so stupid!”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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