Um, Never Mind, Dreamers Tell Congress After Latest School Shooting

After the fourth school shooting and the twentieth mass shooting in the United States since the first of the year, the 700,000 Dreamers who were brought here as children and allowed to stay as long as they check in every two years say it’s okay if Congress wants to send them back to their native countries.

“You know, we’ve been giving it some thought and, if you don’t want us here, we understand,” the Dreamers said in a joint letter they sent to Congress today, the day after a former student killed 17 students and faculty at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Fla.

Jose Gonzalez, a Dreamer in Orlando, says he’ll probably be better off dealing with the gangs in his native El Salvador. “It’s true my mother just got a $1.50-a-week raise,” Gonzalez says. “I’m not saying it’s an easy decision, but I am saying there’s a lot of merit to what immigration hardliners are saying and maybe I should just go back.”

Wilma Perez, a Dreamer in Tucson, Ariz., said her native Guatemala has a lot of challenges and maybe that’s okay. “Is it so bad to live in a country that’s struggling economically?” she says. “There are worse things.”

The U.S. Senate this week has been debating a solution to the Dreamers, whose future was thrown into doubt last year when President Trump rescinded the executive order that protected them and told Congress to decide what to do.

“Listen, we don’t have to stay,” the Dreamers said in their letter. “Really, if you want us to go back, we’ll go back. It’s okay.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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File:Donald_Trump_hairstyle_Chicago.jpg

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Morning in America

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'I'm really rich.'*

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