John Thune’s Mother Says He Should Eat Something

Would it kill him to eat?

The mother of John Thune (R-S.D.), the third-ranking Republican in the U.S. Senate, says he needs to put some meat on his bones so he doesn’t blow away when a strong wind kicks up. “Is he getting enough to eat? I bet he’s not eating breakfast,” his mother says.

Not eating is his business

His mother says she sees him on TV and can tell he probably didn’t eat the potato rolls she sent him last week. “His aunt brought those rolls from Pennsylvania,” she says. “The man she bought them from was very nice. The rolls were good. He should eat them instead of leaving them on the counter so they get stale.”

His mother says he was always a picky eater but she’s worried he eats even less now.

“He has a lot of meetings? Then he can eat a little something between his important meetings,” she says. “He should eat the navy bean soup in the cafeteria. It’s very good. I’ve had it. They put too much salt in it but it’s very good and he should eat some every day. How long does it take to eat a bowl of soup?”

His mother says Rep. Tom Cotton (R-Ark.) also looks like he doesn’t eat but if he doesn’t want to eat, “that’s his business,” she says.

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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