Men Baffled By Stormy Daniels’ New Dance Routine

Big night at the club

GREENVILLE, S.C.—Deja Vu was bustling on Monday night but many of the men at the strip club weren’t enjoying the star attraction’s dance routine.

The club was featuring Stormy Daniels, the newly famous stripper who allegedly was paid $130,000 before the 2016 presidential election to keep quiet about an affair she had with Donald Trump after his youngest son was born. But instead of being treated to a dance routine involving booty shakes, the men got what looked like a complex interpretive dance routine.

“I’m not sure, but I think she was trying to tell a story or something,” said Jake Snyder, a regular at the club.

Not a big night for tips

Snyder said he came because he wanted to be able to say he stuffed a dollar down the lingerie of Donald Trump’s mistress, but he never got the opportunity. “Usually they slink around the stage and you can kind of reach over and stick a dollar in that little string that holds up their whatchamacallit,” he said. “But not last night.”

Men at the club said Daniels spent most of her dance routine acting out a series of scenes, although it was hard to interpret what she was saying. “Maybe she was golfing? Maybe she was having drinks with golfers? I just don’t know,” said Bill Carpenter, a retired construction foreman.

Stormy: Not just booty shaking

Carpenter said he’d read articles about Daniels and wished she wouldn’t have signed that non-disclosure agreement. “It’s a shame she can’t talk about what she and Trump did when they were together,” he said. “I understand the $130,000 was probably pretty tempting to her. It’s probably the most money she’s ever seen at one time. But it would have been good had she said no so she could describe meeting Trump and how he wanted to fool around with her and her friend at the same time. Since he’s our president, we should hear about these things. But she took that hush money, so she can’t say anything about it. She can’t go around talking about what he’s like in bed and things like that.”

Some men said it was hard to follow Daniels’ dance routine but it appeared to involve pretty routine stuff people do in hotel rooms. “Lot of eating on the bed, it looks like,” one man said. “If they had sex, it didn’t last very long by the looks of it. Maybe 60 seconds? She looked bored to tears, but who am I to say? I don’t know anything about arty dance routines. I just wanted to put a dollar in her underwear.”

“I guess we’ll never know what happened between her and Trump, because she can’t say anything,” Carpenter said. “She appears to be sticking pretty tightly to that agreement. She sure didn’t say anything to us about what she and Trump did. All she did was dance around in some weird way that was anything but sexy.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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