A woman who showed an interest in a man she met at a party only because he was a celebrity accused him of being interested in her only for sex.
“I am completely fed up with men who are celebrities taking advantage of women who are interested in them only because they’re celebrities,” said the woman, who asked that her name not be given to protect her privacy while she publicly disclosed the celebrity’s name.
The woman said she was interested in him because he was famous and she thought it would make a good story to tell her friends if she went out with him, so she was taken aback when the man didn’t treat her like an individual but rather as a woman who was only interested in him because of his celebrity.
“He treated me as if I was nothing but a woman who was interested in him only as someone who is famous,” said the woman. “He thought because I was interested in putting a feather in my cap by going out with him that he would try to put a feather in his cap by having sex with me.”
The woman said she didn’t say no when he initiated sex because she was conflicted, and afterwards she felt used. “This man that I used for self-aggrandizing purposes had the nerve to use me for self-aggrandizing purposes,” she said.
The woman said she expected the man to get to know her first even though her interest in him stemmed only from his celebrity. “It’s not fair for a man I showed an interest in only because of his celebrity to only show an interest in me for sex,” she said. “I expect to be treated like a human being even when I treat a famous man like an object. All men are the same. If you objectify them because of their celebrity, they objectify you in return. What jerks.”
This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.
Conservative news tabloid National Midnight Star released a blockbuster report today claiming Donald Trump’s relationship with porn star Stormy Daniels in 2006 didn’t occur spontaneously but was arranged and paid for by his wife Melania so she could “get him out of the bed for a freakin’ while” and focus on raising their son. “You have to understand, Melania thought having sex with Donald Trump was a small price to pay to get the lifestyle she wanted with his money,” says a White House staffer who was quoted anonymously by the tabloid. “But she realized after a year with him that it wasn’t a small price at all; it was a price that was too steep for her to pay and she became desperate, as anyone would.” More.
Stephanie Graham, spokesperson for Melania Trump, said it’s not true that the First Lady reversed her plans to attend the world economic summit at Davos, Switzerland, after learning Nikki Haley, U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations, would be there. “Reports that the First Lady was planning to attend Davos and backed out only because Ambassador Haley was attending are not true and should be corrected immediately,” Graham says. “The First Lady has a scheduling conflict that is preventing her from attending Davos, which she was very much looking forward to doing.” Davos is the annual gathering of the world’s business elites and thought leaders to discuss the state of global economics, technology, and culture. Rumors have been multiplying in recent days that Haley and President Trump are carrying on an affair and that the First Lady only learned of it after Michael Wolff, author of the blockbuster book Fire and Fury, hinted about it in his TV interviews. More.
Congressional leaders are scrambling to make sure the budget stalemate that’s led to a government shutdown this weekend doesn’t impede the regular monthly payments that members of Congress make to to Katie, Ashleigh, and other interns and staffers who’ve agreed not to have lunch or otherwise talk to reporters from the Washington Post, New York Times, or other news organizations about their time on Capitol Hill. “People think of these non-disclosure payments as a minor budget item but I can tell you they’re not and members are very concerned that these payments not be disrupted due to the shutdown,” a staff aide to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) said today. The aide, who asked to remain anonymous in order to speak frankly about sensitive budgetary matters, said lawmakers pay out hundreds of thousands of dollars each month to interns and aides, mostly women but also some men, who’ve signed non-disclosure agreements about their time working on the Hill. More.
GREENVILLE, S.C.—Deja Vu was bustling on Monday night but many of the men at the strip club weren’t enjoying the star attraction’s dance routine. The club was featuring Stormy Daniels, the newly famous stripper who allegedly was paid $130,000 before the 2016 presidential election to keep quiet about an affair she had with Donald Trump after his youngest son was born. But instead of being treated to a dance routine involving booty shakes, the men got what looked like a complex interpretive dance routine. “I’m not sure, but I think she was trying to tell a story or something,” said Jake Snyder, a regular at the club. More.
Kinko Bot®, the Japanese company that’s hoping to mass market the first sex robot, says its product is the long-sought solution to the plague of sexual harassment. “With all the scandals coming to light, it’s never been more clear that we need something like our sex robot to fill the need of men to have sex with beautiful women without having to go through all the boring preliminaries like taking women out to dinner, buying them flowers, and promising to marry them,” said Daisuki Nakamura, CEO of Kinko Bot®. Nakamura said his company’s line of robots are programmed to accept whatever approach men take to get women into bed, even if that approach would be considered harassment by a non-robot woman. “Inappropriate touching? Lewd remarks? It doesn’t matter,” said Nakamura. “Whatever approach is comfortable to you as the owner of one of our sex bots will be acceptable, because she is programmed not to be judgmental or even have a preference for how she likes to have sex. Frankly, she doesn’t even care if you’re not attractive or don’t make a lot of money.” More.
Citing a “woeful and widespread” lack of training on how to talk to women, researchers participating in a joint Harvard-MIT project say 90 percent of American men would never get laid if they didn’t use harassment as a coercive tactic. “What we’re seeing is an education gap that is having tragic and traumatic consequences for women throughout the United States,” says Jane Halverson, lead researcher on the project. “Most men simply have no understanding of what it takes to initiate an intimate relationship with a woman without resorting to brutish behavior.” The research report, called “Lateral Inequality in Male-Female Intimacy Relations in the United States,” finds pervasive use of coercion and “asymmetric procreative tactics” by men in their interactions with women. “We’ve long suspected men rely on their dominance in size and power, including economic power, to get from women what under ordinary circumstances would be freely given,” says Joseph LaBoudin, professor of sociology at Columbia, who did not participate in the research. More.
Republican Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore says allegations that he had inappropriate relations with teenage girls when he was a 30-year old man are false and that his relationship with them was limited to dressing up as a cowboy and playing make believe. “While it is utterly false that I kissed and inappropriately touched teenage girls when I was in my thirties, I will admit to dressing up as a cowboy and playing make-believe with them,” said Moore, 70, a former chief justice of the state supreme court. It’s not uncommon for Moore to make appearances dressed as a cowboy. In one speech he made during his primary battle with Lester Strange, the incumbent senator he went on to defeat, Moore gave his remarks wearing a cowboy hat, boots, a vest, and carrying a pistol. More.
White nationalist leader Richard Spencer says he believes blacks, Jews, and other Americans of impure bloodlines will leave the United States on their own accord once he and his followers march in front of enough confederate statutes. “What we think is, after a certain point, the approximately 15 million Jews and about 50 million blacks in our country will choose to leave and everyone will be happy,” says Spencer, whose organization is based in Alexandria, Va. Spencer’s organization was involved in the rally by white supremacists, neo-Nazis, and the Ku Klux Klan in Charlottesville, Va., in late August that led to the death of a counter protester. More.
A mjority of Americans say they have enough time to look at their phones and stuff for five or six hours a day but not for the seven or eight hours a day that they’d like, and driverless cars could solve that problem for them, a poll shows. “I have friends who make comments and stuff on Twitter that I don’t like to miss when I’m making a left turn or a right turn,” says April Barnett, a manicurist in Tucson, Ariz. She says she’d like to have her car do more driving so she can keep up with her friends when she’s behind the wheel. “Like last week, my friend Ashleigh posted a video of her eating cake with her boyfriend at a restaurant and it came to me, like, when I was parking or something. I could have liked it right away but I couldn’t because, you know, the car’s not going to park itself.” More.
After he or someone on his staff liked a porn video on his Twitter account, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) said his office had reported the incident to Twitter. “The offensive tweet posted on @tedcruz account earlier has been removed by staff and reported to Twitter,” said Catherine Frazier, Cruz’s communications aide. What else has his office reported to Twitter? We investigate. More.
Republican Texas Senator Ted Cruz, under fire by his family-values supporters for liking a porn video on his Facebook page, says the woman in the video is not a woman he imagined having sexual relations with. In a televised address he aired from his home office in Texas, where he’s been since Hurricane Harvey swept through the southeastern part of his state, Cruz said the allegations of him wanting to have sex with that woman are false and that he never asked anyone on his staff to lie about it. “I want to say one thing to the American people,” Cruz said in the address. “I want you to listen to me. I’m going to say this again. I did not imagine having sexual relations with that woman, the blonde woman in the video. I never told anyone to lie, not a single time. Never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people.” More.
Brenda Smalter says she breathes a sigh of relief every day because she managed to avoid the attention of Roger Ailes, Bill O’Reilly, and the other men at Fox News who were accused of treating women like sex objects. “How despicable is that kind of behavior?” says Smalter, who worked as an assistant producer at the network for seven years before she left for another network. “Other women would walk into meetings or onto the set and one of the guys would look at them or make some comment about their physical appearance or something and I’m just so relieved I avoided all that.” Smalter, 41, said she would wear short skirts or flirty blouses but none of the men ever made comments to her or tried to get her into bed. “I just don’t know why I was so lucky to have avoided all that,” she says. More.
Former Fox news host Bill O’Reilly and Roger Ailes, former chairman of Fox News, were seen last night at a New York City hotel bar trying to pick up chicks but people who watched say the two men were unsuccessful. “Bill O’Reilly was a little drunk, I think,” says Cindy Carlson, a legal secretary who says she saw the two men try to flirt with women for about an hour at the bar, called The Tap Room, located in the New York Park Hotel on 5th Avenue. “I think O’Reilly said something like, ‘What’s your sign?’ and the woman seated next to him looked away. I don’t think she knew who he was.” More.
The Ku Klux Klan, based in Pulaski, Tenn., has retained the international public relations firm Clayton+Daye to educate Americans about the good the organization does and the fun its members have. “There’s a perception among Americans that the KKK is all about lynchings and scrawling swastikas on cars,” says John Arnold, a past grand master of the 150-year-old organization. “Those things are a big part of it, yes. But the group is so much more than that. We have picnics, help people paint houses and fences—in short, we help build community. Of course, it’s community for white people, but it’s community nonetheless.” In the ad campaign, which will air on TV and radio and have an online component beginning this spring, Klan members and their families will be shown as ordinary Americans who care about each other and the places they live. More.
Fox News Chairman and CEO Roger Ailes is alleging in a lawsuit that aspiring news reporter Asheigh Carter tried to tempt him into infidelity as she sought a job on his popular cable news channel. “My client is traumatized and humiliated by the experience of having Ashleigh Carter stroke his chin and breathe into his ear during a meeting to discuss her qualifications to be a reporter for the Fox News team,” John Peterson, an attorney for Ailes, said in a statement. According to the statement, Carter, 25, a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, sent him pictures of her and promised him “moments he’ll remember” if he would just give her an interview. More.
After what they call eight years of failed American foreign policy by the Obama administration, House Republican leaders say it’s time to spin off the country’s diplomacy and statesmanship to the private sector. “The United States was built by our world-leading companies,” House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) said at a press conference in the Capitol this morning. “The government doesn’t build Chevrolets. General Motors does. The country doesn’t make computers. Apple does. Today, it’s time to unleash our private sector on our foreign policy and do what our government has never been able to do: create peace and prosperity around the world.” Under the plan Ryan and other leaders unveiled, the heads of GM, AT&T, Citibank, and other multinational corporations would work with leaders of countries around the world to replace war with peace and confrontation with cooperation. More.
Judges, legal scholars, and others in the legal profession are concerned that a big drop in the number of reasonable people in the United States is making it harder for courts to apply the “reasonable person” standard in law. “The ‘reasonable person’ standard has been a part of the administration of justice throughout history, but today we’re finding it under pressure as we see fewer reasonable people in the United States,” says James Reynolds, professor emeritus of law and jurisprudence at Harvard University and the lead author of a study on the decline of reasonable people in the United States and its impact on the legal profession. The decline in reasonable people isn’t just limited to the notion of the “everyman,” says Peter Moore, a professor of law at Stanford University. The ‘reasonable person’ standard extends to other standards of reasonableness, including the ‘reasonable prosecutor’ standard. More.
LONDON—Some of the world’s top women tennis players say their game has struggled as they try to keep their new Nike tennis dress from interfering with their shots, but they also love the way the dress doubles as lingerie for later that night. “Anytime I can pack one dress instead of two while I’m on the road I’m happy,” says Ivana Sveltka, the top-ranked Moldovan player gearing up for the second round at Wimbledon this week. “Being able to play in the dress during the day and then slip it on at night as a comfortable nightie is just wonderful.” The dress, which Nike-sponsored players are required to wear under their sponsorship agreements with the company, breaks the mold in tennis attire by replacing the standard skirt and top design with a single, loose fitting dress that’s notable for its high cut and willowy fabric. More.