Ryan: ‘I’ll Probably Keep This Shit-Eating Grin on My Face’

Ryan: “Feelin’ good for the American people’

House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) said today that he expects to keep this shit-eating grin on his face throughout the day and into tomorrow and probably through most of the year, maybe even going to bed with it on.

“I’m working on behalf of hard-working Americans every day,” Ryan told reporters in his office. “I try to never forget that.”

Ryan acknowledged there were a few moments in 2016 and 2017 when he didn’t smile because of sober and serious situations confronting the country, but he thanks God every day that “Americans are resilient” and “always show their best side when confronted with challenges.”

Ryan said he expects to smile through most of 2018, but he knows there will be moments when he can’t. “I’m proud of the American spirit in times of difficulty,” he said. “I have the best job in the world representing the resourceful people of my district and my country.”

Ryan wouldn’t presume to say whether President Donald Trump will be the reason for the moments he doesn’t smile in 2018, but he knows Americans want their leaders to work on their behalf at all times.

Proud and happy

“You know, each night Americans go to bed wondering if their children will have the same opportunities they had in a a country that rewards entrepreneurship and initiative and doesn’t expect the government to do everything for them,” he said. “I try to never forget that the American people want lower taxes, less regulation, and the chance to dream of a strong economy for their children. Thank you for asking me these questions, and thank you for what you do to keep the American people informed. God bless you and God bless America and I thank the American people for allowing me the honor of working on their behalf every day. I’m just so proud, so happy, and so satisfied, and I know I’ll be proud, happy, and satisfied throughout 2018 and into 2019 and certainly into 2020. I’m going to bed proud and happy and I know I’ll wake up proud and happy. I’m just so proud and happy.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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