The staff of Vice President Mike Pence have extended his rule about never meeting alone with women to include Donald Trump out of fear he’ll act inappropriately with the president.
‘This is just a cautionary measure that we decided should be in place after we caught the vice president’s mouth acting inappropriately with the president during the last cabinet meeting,” says Pence’s chief of staff, Nate Avers.
The last cabinet meeting was held the day Congress passed its sweeping tax reform bill and Pence was caught on camera using his mouth on Trump in a way that made onlookers blush.
“I’m deeply humbled to be your vice president and to be able to be here,” the vice president’s mouth was caught saying. “I want to thank your outstanding team. I want to thank you for seeing through the course of this year an agenda that truly is restoring this country. You said you could make this economy great again and you promised to roll back regulations and you signed more bills rolling back red tape than any president in American history. You spurred an optimism in this country that’s setting records.”
Avers said it became clear immediately after what his mouth was caught doing that the president and the vice president should never be in a room alone together. “What were trying to do is, keep the vice president from being put in a situation where something inappropriate happens,” he said. “Luckily, the vice president’s rule of not being in a room alone with a woman is already in place, so for us, it’s just a matter of extending that rule to include the president. Now, if the vice president wants to meet with Trump, either his wife must be with him or someone from his staff.”
Avers also said that under no circumstances is anyone allowed to bring a camera or even a cellphone into the room when the vice president and president are meeting. “You just don’t want anything coming out that could give the wrong impression,” he said.
This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.
A growing number of young men who vow not to go on solo dates so they won’t get accused of assaulting women say having a second man there will help them keep the woman down while one of them covers her mouth with his hand and tries to remove her clothes. “It’s just too risky for a 25-year-old man like me to go on a solo date when it’s so easy for the woman, 36 years later, to say I tried to assault her,” says Jim Morgan, a systems analyst with a technology firm in Dallas. “By always having another man with me, I can better control my future accuser.” Under the trending movement, a man never goes on a solo date with a woman. That way there are witnesses should a man try to assault a woman or should a woman claim to be the victim of an assault. More.
Vice President Mike Pence confided to his aides that he’s happy to be president after Donald Trump is removed from office later this year but he’s also nervous about the number of times he’ll have to be alone with a woman who is not his wife. “The presidency is a big responsibility and there are a lot of important women I’ll have to meet and I’m not sure I’ll always be able have an aide with me,” said Pence, who adheres to a policy of never being alone with a woman unless she’s his wife, Karen. “Take Theresa May,” he said, referring to the prime minster of Great Britain. “I know there will be occasions when the two of us will have to have a private talk. I’m just not sure what I’m going to do. I’m very concerned about this.” More.
Trump: ‘Unbelievable’ to Pass Tax Cuts When Your Party Controls White House, Both Houses of Congress
President Donald Trump today called it unprecedented for a president to pass major legislation like his tax cuts bill when his party controls both houses of Congress. “I know the fake news wants to downplay what a great accomplishment this is, but we had to get the bill passed by a Republican-led House that’s been trying to pass tax legislation for more than eight years and a Republican-led Senate that’s been trying to do the same,” he said. Trump said the bill had to pass using a complicated rule called reconciliation. “A lot of people don’t realize this, but we passed this bill under a rule that lets Republicans pass the bill without any Democrats,” he said. “It’s an unbelievable way to do it. More.
Vice President Mike Pence blames “fake news” on the rumor circulating in the media that he suggested to President Donald Trump that his TV ratings would go up if he rode out Hurricane Irma, a category 5 storm with 185 miles-per-hour winds, at Trump’s estate in South Florida, Mar-a-Lago. “I never recommended Mar-A-Lago to the President nor did I suggest or even hint at Mar-a-Lago as a safe and appropriate place from which to monitor and provide leadership during the storm known as Hurricane Irma,” Pence said in a statement released this morning. Good vantage point[/caption]The Pence statement went on to accuse news organizations with “shoddy fact-checking” and “outright lies” in attributing the Mar-a-Lago suggestion to him. “If the news media wants to be a source of information worthy of the American people’s trust, it should improve its news gathering and fact checking operations so that the information it provides to the citizens of this country is factual and accurate.” More.
Republican Mike Pence came across as the winner against Democrat Sen. Tim Kaine of Virginia in their vice presidential debate this week at Longwood University but viewers say the Indiana governor’s skill at lying was what impressed them the most. “I never expected Pence to be as good at lying as he was,” said Andrew McNair, a retired insurance agent in Des Moines, Iowa. “Yes, he did a good job counterpunching Kaine and articulating conservative Republican positions, but none of that matched how well he said things that weren’t true.” Viewers across the country echoed that view, saying the ability of Pence to lie without showing any hint of uncertainty or self-doubt earns him a place in a liar’s hall of fame, although such an institution doesn’t exist. More.
Republican vice presidential nominee Mike Pence, fresh from his party’s national convention in Cleveland two weeks ago, hit the campaign trail today with the message that he’s “with the sociopath” and he hopes voters all across America will join him. “It’s time for you to be with the sociopath as well!” he exhorted voters in campaign stops across the Midwest. The “sociopath” refers to Republican presidential nominee Donald J. Trump, who tapped Pence to be his running mate three weeks ago. At a stop in Des Moines, Iowa, earlier in the day, Pence said the country could no longer afford to be guided by politicians who “read briefing papers” and “consider options” when confronted with a crisis. More.
Republican voters across the country say the tax returns of Donald Trump that no one has seen make it clear he will personally take a big financial hit once he signs tax reform into law. “You’ve got to hand it to the president,” said Joe Carter, a retired accountant in Biloxi, Miss. “Based on the tax returns he’s refused to share with the American people, he’ll lose millions of dollars from the bill that he himself is going to sign. What a selfless act on the part of our president. Not too many people would of that, but he’s doing that for us.” Since the race between Richard Nixon and John F, Kennedy in 1959, presidential contenders have made their tax returns available so the public can get a picture of their finances and analysts can determine if the laws they sign as president benefit them personally. More.
President Donald Trump this morning says hell probably lie about it, although he’s not sure if he’ll use the lie he’s been planning to use or a different lie, including one he hasn’t thought of yet. “We’ll see how it goes when we get to that point,” Trump told reporters outside the White House. “One thing I think I’ve made clear is, I don’t like to give away my plan. I like to keep people guessing.” Trump said he will probably lie later this week given the decision he made last week. “You know, we have to deal with the fake news like you wouldn’t believe,” he said. “I’m just going to see what the expedient thing to say is, and, frankly, I don’t know what that will be yet—or maybe I do. Maybe I don’t want to tell you.” He said part of what he says might be truthful. “Maybe there’s an expectation I’ll lie completely,” he said. “We just don’t know, but there could be some truth to what I say. More.
President Donald Trump is expected to blame his 2016 Democratic opponent Hillary Clinton later today. An administration official this morning said the President will be saying it’s Clinton’s fault and that Clinton’s actions raise questions. “Let’s not forget that questions remain unsettled over what Clinton did and what she didn’t do,” said the official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity in order to speak candidly about the President’s intentions. The official said Trump plans to assign the blame to Clinton and will likely point to unanswered questions as well. “He will be clear that the Democratic nominee he ran against is at fault, but whether he will pivot to unanswered questions in her past isn’t clear,” the official said. “We’re talking about the President. He goes off script sometimes.” More.