Trump Reportedly Called Franken to ‘Pick His Brain’ About Feeling Shame

Apparently feels shame

President Donald Trump called Al Franklin, the Minnesota Democratic senator who announced his resignation last week after allegations he touched woman inappropriately, to find out what it’s like to feel shame.

“Is it painful? Is it awkward? What is it?” Trump reportedly asked Franken in the call, which came not long after Franken gave his resignation speech on the Senate floor.

News of the call was first reported in The New York Times based on anonymous White House sources.

According to the account, Trump called because he was convinced Franken wouldn’t resign but rather would defiantly ride out the media storm like Roy Moore, the Republican candidate for the Senate who has been accused of molesting girls when they were teenagers and he was in his 30s. Moore has refused to quit the race and instead has called his accusers liars.

Not grasping it

“To say Trump was shocked that Franken decided to resign would be an understatement,” the White House source said. “He kept wandering around the Oval Office wondering what game Franken was playing, because he couldn’t grasp that a sitting senator would voluntarily leave his position just because of a few accusations by women and a picture showing him with a smirk on his face and his hands cupped over a sleeping woman’s chest. So, he picked up the phone and said he had to know what this ‘shame’ thing was all about.”

Although the source couldn’t hear what Franken was saying, Trump appeared to have trouble grasping whatever it was Franken was saying. “I remember Trump was sitting there shaking his head in disbelief,” the source said.

Trump ended the call saying he was glad he didn’t understand “this shame thing” because he would never be able to enact his agenda if he did. “After he hung up the phone he turned up the volume on the TV and watched some of the commentary on Franken’s resignation speech,” the White House source said. “He kept muttering something about how he just didn’t understand some people. I think that’s why he likes Roy Moore. He understands him, and he made that point when a commercial came on. He said he gets Roy Moore and he’ll be able to work with him in the Senate. But Franken—that guy’s a mystery.

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

More stories:

Alabama Voters Report Deluge of Robocalls By Man With Slurred Speech

p' Republicans say they’re being inundated with robocalls by someone whose slurred speech makes it hard to understand what he’s saying but they believe he’s asking them to vote for Roy Moore, the Republican candidate for Senate. “Several times a night we’ll get this call and it’s this guy who sounds like he’s about 70 who’s saying something about Roy Moore but exactly what he’s saying is anyone’s guess because of how badly he slurs his speech,” says Rebecca Jackson, a retired teacher in Birmingham. “We think he’s saying ‘the United States needs a senator like Roy Moore’ but it sounds like ‘the yoo-nerted shnates needs a shneterer like roymer.'” Bill Davis, an insurance salesman in Montgomery, says he just lets the call go to voice mail now. “We’ll be having dinner and it’ll be like, ‘Here’s that drunk guy again!’ More.

Trump to Blame Clinton

President Donald Trump is expected to blame his 2016 Democratic opponent Hillary Clinton later today. An administration official this morning said the President will be saying it’s Clinton’s fault and that Clinton’s actions raise questions. “Let’s not forget that questions remain unsettled over what Clinton did and what she didn’t do,” said the official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity in order to speak candidly about the President’s intentions. The official said Trump plans to assign the blame to Clinton and will likely point to unanswered questions as well. “He will be clear that the Democratic nominee he ran against is at fault, but whether he will pivot to unanswered questions in her past isn’t clear,” the official said. “We’re talking about the President. He goes off script sometimes.” More.

2020 Presidential Election Already Rigged and His Opponent Has Already Cheated, Trump Says

President Donald Trump has charged the Democratic party with already having rigged the 2020 presidential election and he says his Democratic opponent has already cheated. “Loser Dems haven’t even waited until my first year as president is over before rigging the 2020 elections because they can’t win on their own,” Trump said today. He also accused his Democratic opponent of cheating. “My Democratic opponent, who had the help of the crooked and corrupt DNC, is already getting dead people, immigrants, criminals to vote in New Jersey and other unAmerican, socialist states.” Trump vowed to “lock up” his Democratic opponent “who is totally corrupt, by the way” after the election. “We must SAVE USA the beautiful from liberal elite who will EXPAND the deficit and cut the Regs for liberal Wall Street and sexual harassers in Hollywood who don’t represent America.” More.

GOP Racing to Pass Tax Cuts Before Trump is Forced Out

Republican lawmakers in the Senate say they urgently must pass tax cuts for corporations and the wealthy before the end of the year because of pressure coming from Russia Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation. “Would it be better to slow down and better think through our tax cuts for corporations and the wealthy? Of course,” says John Thune (R-S.D.), the Senate whip. “Right now our own analysis is showing a $1 trillion addition to the budget deficit even after projected growth in the economy. So, if we had more time we could craft changes that address that and still give our wealthy donors what they want. Unfortunately, time is a luxury we don’t have.” That’s because Mueller’s investigation is winding down. More.

Conservative Republican Women Slammed for trying to Sabotage Conservative Republican in Alabama Race

Half a dozen conservative Republican women are being accused of making false accusations against the conservative Republican candidate in the race for the U.S. Senate seat in Alabama. “What we have are conservative Republican women who voted for Donald Trump who are working with liberal Democrats to prevent the conservative Republican candidate from winning the Senate seat,” John Smith of the Alabama Republican party said today. Smith accused Leigh Corfman and several other conservative Republican women of falsely accusing conservative Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore of behaving inappropriately toward them when they were teenagers and he was a man in his thirties. More.

Pedophiles Thrilled By Republicans’ Defense of Moore, Prospect of Going Mainstream

Pedophiles across the United States are coming out of the shadows and testing the waters for making deeper inroads into mainstream American society now that Republicans are defending accused child molester and Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore. “I knew when Donald Trump won the Republican nomination in 2016 we would start to see great things happening in our country for sexual predators because he was sending signals that he had our backs,” says Tom Clark, a pedophile in Houston. “What I didn’t expect was this path to mainstream acceptability to open before his first year in office was out. I’m so stunned I have to make sure I’m really alive and not caught in a very, very good dream.” Clark and other pedophiles in the United States say they never thought they would live to see the day when their sexual perversion would become something other than the most heinous sexual act a person could commit. More.

Trump: ‘Moore Hasn’t Preyed on Teenage Girls in Decades’

President Donald Trump said he’d rather have former judge Roy Moore as the new senator for Alabama than the Democrat, because he’s better on the issues and, in any case, if Moore preyed on teenage girls as alleged, it was decades in the past. “Its been years since I’ve grabbed a woman’s pussy without her consent,” said Trump, who spoke to reporters before leaving the White House to celebrate Thanksgiving in Florida. “Should I be held responsible for something I did years—decades—in the past? There is something called the statute of limitations. And I think that applies here.” More.

Roy Moore: ‘I Had Permission to Have Relationships With Teens I Didn’t Have’

Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore called accounts of him dating teenage girls whose parents gave him permission to date them when he was in his thirties fake news. “Let me be clear,” said Moore. “It’s not true that I dated the teenage girls whose parents gave me permission to date them.” Moore also said there’s nothing wrong with him as a man in his thirties walking around shopping malls by himself as the press accused him of doing. “The press is wrong to say I innocently and lawfully walked around malls by myself as a man in my thirties,” he said. Moore, 70, is an evangelical Christian who has been an uncompromising critic of homosexuality. He was the chief justice of the Alabama Supreme Court before he was removed from office in 2003 for defying a court order to take down a statute of the Ten Commandments he had erected on the courthouse grounds. More.

Roy Moore Says His Only Contact With Girls Was to Play Dress-Up

Republican Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore says allegations that he had inappropriate relations with teenage girls when he was a 30-year old man are false and that his relationship with them was limited to dressing up as a cowboy and playing make believe. “While it is utterly false that I kissed and inappropriately touched teenage girls when I was in my thirties, I will admit to dressing up as a cowboy and playing make-believe with them,” said Moore, 70, a former chief justice of the state supreme court. It’s not uncommon for Moore to make appearances dressed as a cowboy. In one speech he made during his primary battle with Lester Strange, the incumbent senator he went on to defeat, Moore gave his remarks wearing a cowboy hat, boots, a vest, and carrying a pistol. More.

Trump: ‘I Should Step Aside if Sexual Allegations Against Me are True’

President Donald Trump, speaking in China while on his Asia tour, said he should step down if allegations that he groped women without their consent years ago are true. “Like most Americans, I believe we cannot allow a mere allegation, in this case one from many years ago, destroy a person’s life,” the president said in Beijing. “However, I also believe that if these allegations are true, I should do the right thing and step aside.” The allegations concern incidences dating back to the 1990s and earlier. Almost 20 women have come forward to allege Trump touched them inappropriately, in some cases grabbing their genitalia without their consent. More.