Wealthy Donors Vow to Use Tax Windfall to Protect GOP from Angry Voters

Ready to spend

Corporations and wealthy individuals say they’ll pour their millions of dollars in cuts they stand to get from tax reform into the reelection fight of Republicans whose seats are now at risk from angry middle-class voters whose tax increases will pay for the bill.

“We told the GOP they needed to pass tax cuts for the wealthy or they could forget about calling us again for political contributions,” says one billionaire who stands to save millions from tax cuts. “Now that they’re poised to deliver, we understand they need help. There are a lot of people who will want to retaliate by voting out of office anyone who voted for the tax cuts. What we’re saying is, we’re putting our new money where our mouth is.”

Ready to face voters?

According to polls, voters are angry that they’re facing tax hikes to pay for cuts to corporations and the wealthy. One voter who responded to a poll was so angry she couldn’t see straight. Another voter, whose fists were clenched in rage, vowed to exact revenge on the cowardly weasels whose noses are stuck so far up their donors’ asses that shit is coming out of their ears.

Bill Simpson, CEO of a multinational banking conglomerate, said his company is already planning to fund a GOP reelection PAC using as much as $20 million in tax savings it will https://www.amazon.com/TRUMP-Trump2020-America-AmericaFirst-Distressed/dp/B01MUKT5JF/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&qid=1501578548&sr=8-2&keywords=trump+2020&linkCode=li2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=ae4749f9d7cca9bf68210929f5d1bd52get on the backs of middle-class households who are already struggling to make ends meet and are sick of under-funded services and crumbling infrastructure. “It’s not going to be cheap to protect the Republican lawmakers who will have stuck it to the middle class to pay for my company’s tax breaks,” Simpson said. “That’s why we’re going to use quite a bit of the money we’re squeezing out of already strapped homeowners to keep Congress in the hands of Republicans.”

John Davis, head of a financial services company that was fined by a federal court for charging fees to customers without their knowledge, said his company will plow “millions” back into Republican candidates’ reelection campaigns because they’re going to need the help. “Once voters realize their taxes are going up to pay for the reduction in the corporate tax rate from 35 percent to 20 percent, they’re going to want to send the GOP packing,” he said. “We certainly don’t want that to happen, so we’ll spare no expense from our new windfall to help Republicans fight against the wave of revulsion they will have caused in their constituents.”

He also said he’ll buy another yacht. “We’re putting money back into the economy, too,” he said, although he thinks it’ll end up being the Chinese economy that it goes to.

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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