News Alert: Koch, Right Wing Media to Buy Magazines No One Reads!

In a move to further push right-wing ideas into mainstream culture, a company is using funds from the conservative billionaire Koch brothers to buy a portfolio of storied magazines that no one under 50 reads!

The magazines, Time and Sports Illustrated, among others, have played pivotal roles in the evolution of American journalism, but will now be used to inject a radical right-wing ideology directly into the blood stream of two million Americans who don’t realize they still receive the magazines in their mailbox each month except for when the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue comes out.

“I am disgusted and concerned that magazines I didn’t know I still get will become nothing more than delivery vehicles for the detested ideology of the Koch brothers,” says Tom Blantner, 72, a long-time subscriber of the magazines who thought he discontinued them 10 years ago. “Now, if I ever realize I get the magazines, I could open them up only to see them spouting far-right propaganda that contradicts everything I’m actually reading.”

Bernice Mulholland, 71, a Time subscriber since 1969, says she’s outraged that a publication she hasn’t looked at since 1996 will now tout positions that are anathema to her. “When I throw away my copy of Time magazine each month, I expect the words that I never read to be about things I care about,” she says. “I don’t expect the words that I never read to be about things I disagree with.”

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Swimsuit issue?

One fear of Bill Kramer, 69, a self-described sports nut, is that Sports Illustrated will run articles slamming football players who don’t stand for the national anthem. “When I look at my monthly copy of Sports Illustrated to see if it’s the swimsuit issue, I expect the stories to be about sports and not about politics,” he says. “I don’t want my recycling bin to be full of unopened issues of sports magazines that are talking about politics.”

The purchaser of the magazines, Meredith Corporation, which owns Ladies Home Journal and other magazines that Americans thought disappeared 20 years ago, reportedly will pay almost $3 billion for the iconic portfolio. A significant potion of the purchase money is coming from the politically active Koch brothers, according to reports.

“We think it’s money well spent to add magazines that on one reads to our line-up of magazines that no one reads,” says John Pilker, CEO of Meredith. “Our aim is to be the leader in publications that no one reads, and our purchase of Time and Sports Illustrated, along with other publications that no one reads, will solidify our position as the leading publisher of magazines that no one reads.”

Analysts say Time and Sports Illustrated are on track to have zero readers by 2030, when all of their current subscribers will be dead. Ladies Home Journal and other existing titles of Meredith continue to have many subscribers based on reports that landfills across the country are clogged with them.

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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