Pedophiles Thrilled By Republicans’ Defense of Moore, Prospect of Going Mainstream

Pedophilia going mainstream?

Pedophiles across the United States are coming out of the shadows and testing the waters for making deeper inroads into mainstream American society now that Republicans are defending accused child molester and Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore.

“I knew when Donald Trump won the Republican nomination in 2016 we would start to see great things happening in our country for sexual predators because he was sending signals that he had our backs,” says Tom Clark, a pedophile in Houston. “What I didn’t expect was this path to mainstream acceptability to open before his first year in office was out. I’m so stunned I have to make sure I’m really alive and not caught in a very, very good dream.”

Out of the shadows?

Clark and other pedophiles in the United States say they never thought they would live to see the day when their sexual perversion would become something other than the most heinous sexual act a person could commit. But now, with Republicans inside and outside of Alabama defending former Alabama judge Roy Moore, who has been accused of acting inappropriately with nine women when they were teenagers and he was in his thirties, say they see a shift in the cultural landscape that points to an eventual change in their status.

“Will pedophilia be given a place on the spectrum of acceptable sexual preferences tomorrow? No, I don’t think so,” says Bill Smith, a pedophile in Kansas City, Kans. (Bill Smith is not his real name.) “But the fact that we’re even contemplating a future that is anything but a jail cell is a change that I never thought I would live to see.”

Moore, 70, has denied acting inappropriately with girls and, in any case, he has said he never did anything with minors without the permission of their parents, nor did he “generally” date teenage girls when he was an adult.

https://www.amazon.com/TRUMP-Trump2020-America-AmericaFirst-Distressed/dp/B01MUKT5JF/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&qid=1501578548&sr=8-2&keywords=trump+2020&linkCode=li2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=ae4749f9d7cca9bf68210929f5d1bd52Alabama voters are set to go to the polls in a special election between him and his Democratic opponent, Doug Jones. Recent polls for what would normally be a heavily favored Republican seat show a dead heat. But for pedophiles, the fact that Moore remains competitive in the race is a sign that views of pedophilia are changing.

“When you have evangelical Chrstians and family-values Republicans defending you, you know something has shifted in the cultural zeitgeist and full-scale respectability is, if not within sight, at least within the realm of possibility,” says John Jones, a pedophile in Atlanta. “I’m not saying I won’t have to be careful on my next trip to the mall, but I’ll be able to relax more than I normally would, especially since I favor tax cuts for the wealthy and cutting programs for blacks and other minorities who only vote Democratic because they want a welfare handout for smoking pot instead of earning a living.

“Honestly, I thought it would be liberal Democrats who would stand up for us and say we shouldn’t be punished for being born with a desire to date young girls,” Jones says. “In my wildest imagination, I never thought it would be conservative Republicans who would step up on our behalf. But, lo and behold, we have Republicans in one of the most conservative states in America defending a pedophile. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to completely process what I’m seeing right now. I’m just so happy I could cry.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

More stories:

Roy Moore’s Horse Says She Voted for Doug Jones

Sassy, the brown and white horse that Republican candidate Roy Moore rode to vote in the Alabama Senate election yesterday, says she voted for Moore’s opponent, Doug Jones. “I’m a lifelong Republican but my party’s just become too extreme and I’m afraid the man who rode on my back to the polls is part of the problem,” said the horse, who also admitted she doesn’t like her name, Sassy. “It’s kind of sexist and derogatory.” Sassy says she considers herself a true libertarian and today’s Republican party is anything but that. “A true libertarian believes government should have a small foot print and not just in the economic sphere,” she said. “That applies equally in the way people live their lives. Republicans don’t seem to get this part. More.

Alabama Voters Report Deluge of Robocalls By Man With Slurred Speech

p'abay.com/en/phone-looking-person-mobile-people-2840244/Alabama Republicans say they’re being inundated with robocalls by someone whose slurred speech makes it hard to understand what he’s saying but they believe he’s asking them to vote for Roy Moore, the Republican candidate for Senate. “Several times a night we’ll get this call and it’s this guy who sounds like he’s about 70 who’s saying something about Roy Moore but exactly what he’s saying is anyone’s guess because of how badly he slurs his speech,” says Rebecca Jackson, a retired teacher in Birmingham. “We think he’s saying ‘the United States needs a senator like Roy Moore’ but it sounds like ‘the yoo-nerted shnates needs a shneterer like roymer.'” Bill Davis, an insurance salesman in Montgomery, says he just lets the call go to voice mail now. “We’ll be having dinner and it’ll be like, ‘Here’s that drunk guy again!’ More.

Child Molesters Looking Forward to ‘New Day’ in Washington

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Man_and_woman_silhouettes.jpgChild molesters throughout the United States say they are waiting with bated breath at the outcome the Alabama Senate election next week, which pits an alleged child molester against a Democratic federal prosecutor. “It’s . . . it’s just the happiest day of my life—or will be,” said a child molester in Tucson, Ariz., who asked that his name not be used to protect his privacy. The child molester says he’s waiting for the day that he can “say my name loud and proud,” and he thinks that day will be much closer should the election win go to Roy Moore, the Republican candidate for Senate who is alleged to have molested half a dozen girls when they were teenagers and he was in is 30s. “I’d like to be able to tell the world, ‘I’m John Doe and I’m a proud child molester.’ More.

Roy Moore: ‘I Had Permission to Have Relationships With Teens I Didn’t Have’

Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore called accounts of him dating teenage girls whose parents gave him permission to date them when he was in his thirties fake news. “Let me be clear,” said Moore. “It’s not true that I dated the teenage girls whose parents gave me permission to date them.” Moore also said there’s nothing wrong with him as a man in his thirties walking around shopping malls by himself as the press accused him of doing. “The press is wrong to say I innocently and lawfully walked around malls by myself as a man in my thirties,” he said. Moore, 70, is an evangelical Christian who has been an uncompromising critic of homosexuality. He was the chief justice of the Alabama Supreme Court before he was removed from office in 2003 for defying a court order to take down a statute of the Ten Commandments he had erected on the courthouse grounds. More.

Roy Moore Says His Only Contact With Girls Was to Play Dress-Up

Republican Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore says allegations that he had inappropriate relations with teenage girls when he was a 30-year old man are false and that his relationship with them was limited to dressing up as a cowboy and playing make believe. “While it is utterly false that I kissed and inappropriately touched teenage girls when I was in my thirties, I will admit to dressing up as a cowboy and playing make-believe with them,” said Moore, 70, a former chief justice of the state supreme court. It’s not uncommon for Moore to make appearances dressed as a cowboy. In one speech he made during his primary battle with Lester Strange, the incumbent senator he went on to defeat, Moore gave his remarks wearing a cowboy hat, boots, a vest, and carrying a pistol. More.

Trump: ‘Moore Hasn’t Preyed on Teenage Girls in Decades’

President Donald Trump said he’d rather have former judge Roy Moore as the new senator for Alabama than the Democrat, because he’s better on the issues and, in any case, if Moore preyed on teenage girls as alleged, it was decades in the past. “Its been years since I’ve grabbed a woman’s pussy without her consent,” said Trump, who spoke to reporters before leaving the White House to celebrate Thanksgiving in Florida. “Should I be held responsible for something I did years—decades—in the past? There is something called the statute of limitations. And I think that applies here.” More.

Trump: ‘I Should Step Aside if Sexual Allegations Against Me are True’

President Donald Trump, speaking in China while on his Asia tour, said he should step down if allegations that he groped women without their consent years ago are true. “Like most Americans, I believe we cannot allow a mere allegation, in this case one from many years ago, destroy a person’s life,” the president said in Beijing. “However, I also believe that if these allegations are true, I should do the right thing and step aside.” The allegations concern incidences dating back to the 1990s and earlier. Almost 20 women have come forward to allege Trump touched them inappropriately, in some cases grabbing their genitalia without their consent. More.

Conservative Republican Women Slammed for trying to Sabotage Conservative Republican in Alabama Race

Half a dozen conservative Republican women are being accused of making false accusations against the conservative Republican candidate in the race for the U.S. Senate seat in Alabama. “What we have are conservative Republican women who voted for Donald Trump who are working with liberal Democrats to prevent the conservative Republican candidate from winning the Senate seat,” John Smith of the Alabama Republican party said today. Smith accused Leigh Corfman and several other conservative Republican women of falsely accusing conservative Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore of behaving inappropriately toward them when they were teenagers and he was a man in his thirties. More.

Pervert-Americans Find a Champion in Donald Trump

loomWhether he wins or loses in November, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump has one constituency that will always stand by his side: America’s perverts, arguably the most maligned group of people in the country. “No one has ever spoken to our issues, but now we have a candidate who understands us and who clearly will be a force for breaking down the barriers that stand between us and the rest of the country,” says Andy P., a pervert who asked that his full name not be used to protect his privacy. Andy P, and others like him say no politician has ever before been sympathetic to people who lurk in the shadows, peep into windows, rub against women on subways, and grab their p*****s without their consent. More.

Man Seen Stalking Presidential Candidate on Stage

ss1

As Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton participated in a town hall-styled debate in St. Louis on Sunday, a man was seen prowling behind her on stage, making menacing faces and at times standing intimidatingly close to her. St. Louis police say they have looked into the matter and found no evidence a man was stalking Clinton, the first woman to head a major party presidential ticket in the United States. The only person confirmed to be sharing the stage with Clinton that night, they said, was her Republican opponent, Donald Trump. “We had many reports from people in the audience and also from people calling in while viewing the debate at home that a man was seen prowling around on the stage behind Clinton, but at this time the only man we can say with 100 percent certainty was on the stage that night was Donald Trump.” More.

Inexplicable Rise of Men Shittin’ Bricks, Doctors Say

General practitioners and internal medicine specialists across the country say they’re seeing a sharp rise in men shittin’ bricks and they’re at a loss to explain why. According to an alert released by the National Institutes of Health, the number of men shittin’ bricks has risen from less than one in every 100 office visits to almost five in every 100 visits in just the last two months, a baffling jump in a condition for which there is no effective treatment. “Is there something in the environment that’s causing a spike in men shittin’ bricks? We just don’t know,” says Peter Nelson, director of internal medicine research at the National Institutes of Health and the lead author of an NIH alert on the alarming trend. More.

Absent Harassment, 90% of American Men Would Never Get Laid

Citing a “woeful and widespread” lack of training on how to talk to women, researchers participating in a joint Harvard-MIT project say 90 percent of American men would never get laid if they didn’t use harassment as a coercive tactic. “What we’re seeing is an education gap that is having tragic and traumatic consequences for women throughout the United States,” says Jane Halverson, lead researcher on the project. “Most men simply have no understanding of what it takes to initiate an intimate relationship with a woman without resorting to brutish behavior.” The research report, called “Lateral Inequality in Male-Female Intimacy Relations in the United States,” finds pervasive use of coercion and “asymmetric procreative tactics” by men in their interactions with women. “We’ve long suspected men rely on their dominance in size and power, including economic power, to get from women what under ordinary circumstances would be freely given,” says Joseph LaBoudin, professor of sociology at Columbia, who did not participate in the research. More.

Sex Robots Called Key to Ending Harassment Plague

/wiki/File:Maltija.JPGKinko Bot®, the Japanese company that’s hoping to mass market the first sex robot, says its product is the long-sought solution to the plague of sexual harassment. “With all the scandals coming to light, it’s never been more clear that we need something like our sex robot to fill the need of men to have sex with beautiful women without having to go through all the boring preliminaries like taking women out to dinner, buying them flowers, and promising to marry them,” said Daisuki Nakamura, CEO of Kinko Bot®. Nakamura said his company’s line of robots are programmed to accept whatever approach men take to get women into bed, even if that approach would be considered harassment by a non-robot woman. “Inappropriate touching? Lewd remarks? It doesn’t matter,” said Nakamura. “Whatever approach is comfortable to you as the owner of one of our sex bots will be acceptable, because she is programmed not to be judgmental or even have a preference for how she likes to have sex. Frankly, she doesn’t even care if you’re not attractive or don’t make a lot of money.” More.

Trump: ‘I Grab People’s Credulity. When You’re a Star, They Let You Do That’

gs

A new scandal erupted this morning when a tape was discovered of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump talking candidly several years ago about grabbing people’s “credulity” and getting away with it because he’s a star. “You know, It’s like a magnet. I don’t even wait. Grab their credulity. You can do anything,” Trump was heard saying to Fox News host Sean Hannity, unaware that his microphone was live. “And when you’re a star, they let you do it.” The comments, although several years old, caused a firestorm because it feeds into the view that Trump doesn’t respect the people who support him. “Donald Trump should leave the race,” said former Utah governor and presidential candidate Jon Huntsman. “The time has come for the Republican ticket to be led by Mike Pence, who doesn’t believe in evolution and wants to force women who have a legal abortion to hold a funeral for her unborn child.” More.

Cruz: ‘I Did Not Imagine Having Sexual Relations With That Woman’

Republican Texas Senator Ted Cruz, under fire by his family-values supporters for liking a porn video on his Facebook page, says the woman in the video is not a woman he imagined having sexual relations with. In a televised address he aired from his home office in Texas, where he’s been since Hurricane Harvey swept through the southeastern part of his state, Cruz said the allegations of him wanting to have sex with that woman are false and that he never asked anyone on his staff to lie about it. “I want to say one thing to the American people,” Cruz said in the address. “I want you to listen to me. I’m going to say this again. I did not imagine having sexual relations with that woman, the blonde woman in the video. I never told anyone to lie, not a single time. Never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people.” More.

What Else Has Ted Cruz’s Office Reported to Twitter?

After he or someone on his staff liked a porn video on his Twitter account, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) said his office had reported the incident to Twitter. “The offensive tweet posted on @tedcruz account earlier has been removed by staff and reported to Twitter,” said Catherine Frazier, Cruz’s communications aide. What else has his office reported to Twitter? We investigate. More.

Boy Scouts Traumatized By Trump Speech

MOUNT HOPE, W.Va.—Hundreds of boy scouts, including many Eagle Scouts, have been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after watching the president of their country insult people who don’t agree with him, threaten to fire someone whom he had just said was doing a good job, and make a bawdy allusion to sex parties on expensive boats. “I . . . I just don’t know what to believe anymore,” said one boy scout who was diagnosed with PTSD after attending the speech by President Donald Trump at the National Boy Scout Jamboree here on July 24. “We’ve always been taught that the United States is a great democracy but our president was demeaning the loyal opposition and making it sound like their motives were bad rather than just taking a different position on policy priorities. Then he threatened to fire one of his own officials if the health bill doesn’t pass even though he himself has called provisions to replace the health law ‘mean.’ I’m just so uncertain what values were supposed to be aiming for now.” More. 

Pence Worried About Being Alone With a Woman Should He Become President

Vice President Mike Pence confided to his aides that he’s happy to be president after Donald Trump is removed from office later this year but he’s also nervous about the number of times he’ll have to be alone with a woman who is not his wife. “The presidency is a big responsibility and there are a lot of important women I’ll have to meet and I’m not sure I’ll always be able have an aide with me,” said Pence, who adheres to a policy of never being alone with a woman unless she’s his wife, Karen. “Take Theresa May,” he said, referring to the prime minster of Great Britain. “I know there will be occasions when the two of us will have to have a private talk. I’m just not sure what I’m going to do. I’m very concerned about this.” More.

Rumors Called Unfounded that Trump, Duterte Will Shoot Viagra® Commercial

White House Spokesperson Sean Spicer said there’s no truth to rumors that President Trump and Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte have agreed to shoot a television commercial for Viagra®, the erectile dysfunction drug, while Duterte is in Washington for his White House meeting. “The fake news operation of the Democratic party is at it again,” said Spicer at his press briefing this morning. “The claim that President Trump and Philippine President Duterte have any intention of shooting a Viagra® commercial is absurd.” More.

Producer Just ‘So, So Happy’ She Was Never Harassed at Fox News

Brenda Smalter says she breathes a sigh of relief every day because she managed to avoid the attention of Roger Ailes, Bill O’Reilly, and the other men at Fox News who were accused of treating women like sex objects. “How despicable is that kind of behavior?” says Smalter, who worked as an assistant producer at the network for seven years before she left for another network. “Other women would walk into meetings or onto the set and one of the guys would look at them or make some comment about their physical appearance or something and I’m just so relieved I avoided all that.” Smalter, 41, said she would wear short skirts or flirty blouses but none of the men ever made comments to her or tried to get her into bed. “I just don’t know why I was so lucky to have avoided all that,” she says. More.

Bill O’Reilly, Roger Ailes Caught Trying to Pick Up Chicks at Hotel Bar

Former Fox news host Bill O’Reilly and Roger Ailes, former chairman of Fox News, were seen last night at a New York City hotel bar trying to pick up chicks but people who watched say the two men were unsuccessful. “Bill O’Reilly was a little drunk, I think,” says Cindy Carlson, a legal secretary who says she saw the two men try to flirt with women for about an hour at the bar, called The Tap Room, located in the New York Park Hotel on 5th Avenue. “I think O’Reilly said something like, ‘What’s your sign?’ and the woman seated next to him looked away. I don’t think she knew who he was.” More.

Theresa May: I Held the President’s Hand So I Would Know Where It Was

hhBritish Prime Minister Theresa May says she held the hand of President Donald Trump as they walked to the White House press room for their news conference earlier this week so she would know where his hand was at all times. “Frankly, I thought it was more important to keep tabs on his hand than worry about any ridicule I might incur from the international community,” May said today. May said she normally doesn’t worry about where the hands of world leaders are, but she didn’t want to take a chance on joining the more than two dozen women who have accused Trump of groping them. “If it were just one woman who was accusing him, then I wouldn’t be too concerned,” she said. “But there have been some two dozen, which is not a small number.” More.

https://www.amazon.com/Comical-Shirt-Ladies-Trump-Black/dp/B06XS2ZMLB/ref=as_li_ss_il?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1501579092&sr=1-7&nodeID=7147440011&psd=1&keywords=trump+2020&th=1&linkCode=li2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=6f76c2bc3019b649e622f4e72a2e3367

Advertisements