Study: Absent Harassment, 90% of American Men Would Never Get Laid

Citing a “woeful and widespread” lack of training on how to talk to women, researchers participating in a joint Harvard-MIT project say 90 percent of American men would never get laid if they didn’t have harassment as a coercive tactic to fall back on.

“What we’re seeing is an education gap that is having tragic and traumatic consequences for women throughout the United States,” says Jane Halverson, lead researcher on the project. “Most men simply have no understanding of what it takes to initiate an intimate relationship with a woman without resorting to brutish behavior.”

The research report, called “Lateral Inequality in Male-Female Intimacy Relations in the United States,” finds pervasive use of coercion and “asymmetric procreative tactics” by men in their interactions with women.

https://www.amazon.com/Famulily-Shoulder-Swimsuit-Bodysuit-Swimwear/dp/B06ZZ3B1GX/ref=as_li_ss_il?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B06ZY76WZG&pd_rd_r=6Q59E6N3J16N8E2ZWCTJ&pd_rd_w=hqzY8&pd_rd_wg=0wuCG&refRID=6Q59E6N3J16N8E2ZWCTJ&&linkCode=li2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=2724a3a1a034581941b018af3a1870a7“We’ve long suspected men rely on their dominance in size and power, including economic power, to get from women what under ordinary circumstances would be freely given,” says Joseph LaBoudin, professor of sociology at Columbia, who did not participate in the research. “These findings confirm our intuition that men aren’t taking the time to learn the skills that can get them from ‘What’s your sign?’ to ‘My place or yours?’ without leaving a trail of creeped-out women in their wake.”

“To be clear, women like sex,” says Halverson. “But they don’t like the ham-fisted way men are going about trying to get it. We’re seeing that men need to step back and learn a few things, like how to get to know a woman before putting her hand down your tighty-whities. Buy her a steak first. Wait a few days to see if she wants to thank you for it. It’s not rocket science.”

Among other findings:

  • 75 percent of men think “I don’t think so” means “I think so”
  • 72 percent think women “like the smell of last night’s spaghetti dinner on my breath”
  • 91 percent are certain a woman who says she’ll “quit her job, call the cops, and change her identity” to avoid you are really saying, “Sure, I’ll go to a movie with you.”

Access the report now.

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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