Trump: Hah! I Gave Gold Star Family $25,000. What Did Obama Ever Give?

TV in someone’s future?

President Trump criticized former president Barack Obama for not reaching into his own bank account to give a big payout to the families of soldiers who died protecting their country.

“Did Obama ever give any money to our precious Gold Star families?” the president asked at a press briefing today. “I really don’t think so. I’ve been told he never did, never sacrificed his money to pay a wife who lost a husband protecting our country.”

Trump said he might be the first president to use his own funds to help a grief-stricken family, “It’s one thing, you know, to call and offer condolences to the wife or mother for losing their guy,” he said. “Their guy knew what he signed up for, but, really, who ever signs up to give his life? No one. But it happens. Very sad when it does. Very tragic.”

It’s because of the tragedy these families face, the president said, that he offered to write a personal check to the family of the last fallen hero that he called.

Guess who hit the lottery!

“A lot of these people need money,” he said. “We give them a nice funeral. Very nice funeral. The best, in many respects. In the important respects, the dignified respects. But they appreciate the money. They can get themselves something nice. You can get a lot with $25,000. I know President Obama never reached into his pocket and offered these grieving families money.”

The president added that $25,000 isn’t “chump change.”

He said it’s “real money. It might be the most some of these families have ever seen at one time. That can make a difference. Maybe they never had a new car before. Or maybe a really big TV was always a dream.”

The president also said he might increase the amount next time if the death is particularly bad. “All death in war is bad,” he said. “You don’t want to go through it, believe me. I talk to these families. It’s a really hard thing to do and I’ve heard some bad stories, believe me. It’s the hardest part of my job. I might give $30,000 next time. It could be a really bad death. Horrible. That would be worth more money. I think it would be, and I’ll pay it, when it’s appropriate. If I can do it, I will. It’ll be worth it.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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