White House Announces New Policy Goal: ‘Do Stupid Sh*t’

John Kelly

White House Chief of Staff John Kelly held a rare press briefing today to introduce President Donald Trump’s new policy goal of doing stupid sh*t.

“I told the President when I came on board as his chief of staff that I wanted to do a top-to-bottom policy review and we’ve now completed that undertaking,” Kelly told reporters. “The goal was to wrap everything the President does under a single, unified framework. And it’s that framework that we’re introducing today.”

The “Do Stupid Sh*t” framework has three components, Kelly said:

1. Did President Obama do it? If yes, do the opposite
2. Do white supremacists, Christian evangelicals, and the National Rife Association like it? Then do that
3. Is it anti-democratic? Then too bad the fake news media can’t be trusted to tell the real story

Sh*t streamlined

https://www.amazon.com/SEXY-WOMANS-THONG-BIKINI-BOTTOM/dp/B01FBOZKQ8/ref=as_li_ss_il?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B01FBOZKQ8&pd_rd_r=6SPT403FDAQBDZVQ7AFS&pd_rd_w=ufNRq&pd_rd_wg=6ZyGC&psc=1&refRID=6SPT403FDAQBDZVQ7AFS&&linkCode=li2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=67e60cc59634ac616e74d2e3937b1172Kelly said recent actions by President Trump, including decertification of the Iran nuclear agreement and the executive order to defund Obamacare subsidies, were structured using the new framework. “You might have noticed the rollouts of those middle fingers to the establishment were much more streamlined than past one-fingered salutes,” he said. “The ‘up-yours’ coming out of the White House were more coordinated with cabinet-level departments and key members of Congress. I think you’re going to see even smoother in-your-face rollouts in the future as we further refine our processes under this new framework.”

Kelly gave as an example the upcoming escalated provocation of North Korea. “What you’ll see there, we think, is a very smooth, very coordinated process in which the President’s taunts and insults to Kim Jong Un dovetail seamlessly with saber-rattling by our military,” he said.

Another example is the upcoming pullout of aid from Puerto Rico. “When President Trump tweets that Puerto Rico is reeling from its own mistakes, the coordinated recapture of federal aid will follow without the hiccups that were characteristic of our past efforts to pull the rug out from underneath Americans,” he said. “I think what you’ll find is, Americans will no longer ask, ‘Is the President doing stupid sh*t?’ Instead, they’ll say, ‘The President is clearly doing stupid sh*t.’ Getting rid of that ambiguity was my priority when I came on board, so I think what we’re seeing today is the culmination of that. The stupid sh*t we’re doing will be plain as day and Americans will see that.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd, and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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