Sessions Says He Doesn’t Secretly Cheer Calif. Wildfires as a Way to Decimate Marijuana Crop

Sessions: Not happy at fires

U.S. Attorney General Pete Sessions, a long-time opponent of pot legalization, says it’s “fake news” that he secretly cheers on the wildfires in California that are quickly obliterating the country’s most fertile area for growing marijuana. “I can tell you that such an accusation is not only false but unconscionable if someone has actually made that accusation,” he said in a closed-door hearing with the Senate Judiciary Committee. Although the meeting was private, the conversation was later recounted to reporters by people who were there.

Sessions said he doesn’t know the cause of the fires but it shouldn’t be ruled out that God caused them. “Were they acts of God?” he reportedly said in his testimony. “Most fires are.”

Although he didn’t make this connection at the hearing, he has said on occasion that God acts in mysterious ways.

Act of God?

Some lawmakers during the hearing wondered if God had started the fires to destroy the nation’s most productive marijuana-growing region and punish California for its liberal stance on marijuana use. “Does God hate pot?” one lawmaker asked. “Does God hate California? I’m not saying He does, but look at the fires of Hell California is going through right now. Isn’t full pot legalization on the state legislature’s agenda? I’m just saying’.”

California Gov. Jerry Brown, a Democrat, says he doesn’t encourage the state to fully legalize marijuana because if it does, people will opt to get stoned rather than go to work. “Who will be coming into the office every day?” he has reportedly said.

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The fire zone is also the country’s most prominent region for cultivating another drug: wine, sessions pointed out. “I have nothing against wine but it does ruin people’s lives,” he said. “I think God is trying to tell us something.”

Sessions also pointed out that the state is by far the strongest magnet for illegal immigrants, and they tend to come to the state to work in its agriculture industry, which includes both marijuana fields and fields for producing wine grapes. “Illegal immigrants and California go together like hand and glove,” he said, noting that the state just made itself a so-called sanctuary state, which means it does not report illegal immigrants to the federal government. Sessions is the Trump administration’s most outspoken critic of illegal immigration.

Other topics lawmakers discussed at the hearing include God’s attitude toward Texas, Florida, and Puerto Rico, which are still recovering from their own natural disasters, the record-sized hurricanes that swept through the Caribbean in August and September. “I think God has nothing against that part of America,” Sessions reportedly said. “I think they were just natural disasters.”

He also said tornadoes, which mostly appear in the Midwest and can be highly destructive, are also probably just natural disasters.

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd, and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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greeneconnections/9416210247 Special to The Guardian. In a find that stunned the world of religion, archaeologists digging in a remote region of the Sinai desert discovered what is believed to be the original Holy Bible from more than 2,000 years ago with its International Standard Book Publishing (ISBN) code still intact. “This is an almost unbelievable discovery,” says Alfred Pottersmith, lead curator of Middle East artifacts at the British Museum in London. “To think we could be holding in our hands the original bible from God’s disciples is humbling beyond words.” What gives archaeologists confidence the bible is the original Word of God, first edition, is the presence of the internationally recognized 9-digit numeric commercial book identifier code known as the ISBN code. More.

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commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Photography_is_in_my_heart.jpg

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usda

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God (R-Heaven)

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god

God®

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