Trump to Kobach: ‘Where are the Emails, Krooked Kris?’

Integrity first!

President Donald Trump went after his own Election Integrity Commission Co-chair Kris Kobach for using a private email account to send and receive emails related to his work with the commission, which Trump set up after his election victory to determine if people are voting illegally.

“After winning the 2016 presidential election in no small part because of Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email server, it’s now brought to my attention that the hand-picked leader of my Election Integrity Commission is using a private email account to conduct business,” Trump said at a press briefing today. “That’s not right. That’s why I’m demanding Kris Kobach immediately stop using his private email account for this important business and instead start using an official government account. Further, I’m demanding that he turn over all of the emails he’s sent and received so far to authorities.”

Kris Kobach

Trump also called out his own vice president, Mike Pence, who is the chair of the commission, for also using a private email account while he was governor of Indiana. “Mike, we have to take the high road here,” said Trump. “I can’t be calling for Hillary Clinton to be put in jail for using private email if my own vice president did it when he was governing his state, can I? Of course not. That wouldn’t be right.”

Trump said he’s disappointed in Kobach, who is the secretary of state of Kansas and is expected to run for governor. “I was very successful in making Clinton look like she was doing nefarious things by using private email,” he said. “Your use of private email makes it look like you’re doing nefarious things. We can’t have that, can we?”’s commission has been mired in controversy since it was created because experts have said incidences of illegal voting are practically nonexistent and that the commission is just a cover for efforts to suppress voter turnout by minorities and low-income people by imposing burdensome requirements on them.

Trump critics praised the president for taking a clear stand against Kobach’s use of private email. “I applaud President Trump for calling out this hypocrisy,” says Melinda Barnes, president of the American Civil Liberties Union. “The president is doing the right thing.”

In other news, leaders from around the world praised President Trump for his thoughtful, balanced speech at the opening session of the United Nation’s General Assembly this week, critics praised Republican Senate leaders for saying no to a last-ditch effort to repeal Obamacare and insisting on a return to regular order to find a bipartisan way to improve health insurance, and climate-change skeptics agreed the alarming increase in destructive hurricanes is probably an indication that the oceans are warming and it’s time to stop pretending otherwise.

Also, scientists have discovered that dogs are smarter than people, cats are more huggable and likable than dogs, and guinea pigs make the best pets because they have more personality than dogs and cats combined.

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd and cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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