“I never recommended Mar-A-Lago to the President nor did I suggest or even hint at Mar-a-Lago as a safe and appropriate place from which to monitor and provide leadership during the storm known as Hurricane Irma,” Pence said in a statement released this morning.The Pence statement went on to accuse news organizations of “shoddy fact-checking” and “outright lies” in attributing the Mar-a-Lago suggestion to him. “If the news media wants to be a source of information worthy of the American people’s trust, it should improve its news gathering and fact checking operations so that the information it provides to the citizens of this country is factual and accurate.”
The vice president’s statement contradicts a recording of a conversation he had with the president yesterday in the Oval Office in which a voice similar to his is heard saying Mar-a-Lago would be a “totally safe” place to ride out the storm and that he should “seriously consider” managing the storm response from there. He’s also heard saying it’s “fake news” that the storm has Mar-a-Lago in its path. “The news media tends to play up these storms,” he says. “They’re really never as bad as they’re made out to be. It’s part of an unholy alliance between the media and stores to sell food and supplies to panicked buyers.”
Pence is also heard saying he’ll stay in Indiana during the storm to stay “far away from the excitement” and “leave the spotlight to you, Mr. President. I’ll probably do something boring like look for new drapes with my wife.”
This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.
The images of fake destruction wrought by Hurricane Irma throughout the Caribbean are impresssive for their detailed made-upness and carefully crafted untruthfulness, conservative radio commentator Rush Limbaugh said today. He added that the misleadingness that the fake news media has employed to further their agenda of duping the public ought to win them a medal for best fabrications of reality. “Someone went the extra mile to pretend Barbudos no longer exists as a functioning island of 1,600 people,” Limbaugh said on his show, which attracts millions of listeners each week. “How much did leftists propagandists spend to make us believe St. Martins was crushed under hurricane winds of 185 miles per hour? And they get the mayor of San Juan, Puerto Rico, to pretend to stay in a stairwell with 500 other people to escape the storm. That was a brilliant act of fiction. I wonder how many Hollywood special effects artists were able to buy a new BMW for their work making us believe Miami is going to be the next target of this exaggerated storm. More.
Retailers across the United States and even in Europe and Asia say they can’t keep their new line of Melania “First Responder” Stiletto Boots in stock as women strive to be the first among their friends and coworkers to sport the rugged-yet-sexy boots from hot designer Peter Cremlin. “Right now we’re just trying to fill orders on an emergency basis as fast as we can and we just ask our customers to be patient as we ride out this storm of demand,” says Stephen Caine, Saks Fifth Avenue’s general manager for merchandise. “We are in contact with our suppliers around the world to get these orders filled as quickly and as efficiently as possible.” The boots, which retail for between $999 and $1,499 in stores throughout the United States, have generated some controversy as critics say they exploit the devastation in the Texas Gulf Coast due to Hurricane Harvey. More.
HOUSTON, Sept. 30, 2017—Mayor Sylvester Turner says officials have done everything they can to prevent the president of the United States and his wife from arriving in this flood-ravaged city but in the end they were not successful. “Let me just say that this catastrophe is not a reflection on the hard work and dedication of the people of this city,” said Turner, a former state legislator who took office in January. “We made phone calls to the White House pleading for the president not to come. We said we had no place for him and his wife to stay. The roads are not passable. Food is scarce. People are traumatzed. Nothing we said made a difference.” Turner said it’s too soon to know how many people remain trapped in homes and cars, but he fears the number is in the thousands, which makes it imperative that the president not stay long. “We can’t be diverting resoures so the president can wave a Texas flag,” he said. “We need to get him back on his plane and back to Washington as soon as possible.” More.
In Reversal, Trump Lauds Media For Diverting Resources, Taking Risks to Attend His Photo Op in Texas
In a man-bites-dog announcement, President Donald Trump heaped praise on news outlets for sending camera crews and reporters to cover his photo op in Corpus Christi even as devastating floods in Houston continued to tax their resources. “Here’s one for the fake news media,” said Trump in his first remarks since he returned to Washington. “They’re still terrible people, dishonest and disgusting. But I appreciate the effort they made to record my photo op in Texas. I waved the Texas flag and they got that. That was good. Strong ratings. Super ratings. The best, actually. I heard that.” Trump said he was told by aides that many news organizations, including NBC and ABC, were stretched thin, since they had camera crews on the ground in Houston and other parts of the Gulf Coast. But they managed to have crews available when Trump and the First Lady landed to show their support for federal officials and others who were coordinating disaster response efforts. More.
President Donald Trump in a series of early-morning tweets blamed lax immigration laws for opening the door to Hurricane Harvey, possibly the most destructive natural disaster to hit the United States in a generation. “A country that can’t secure its borders invites menaces like Harvey,” the president said in his first tweet, sent at 4:59 a.m., Monday. “We need walls, high walls, not just on Mexican border but around ALL country’s vulnerable borders.” Trump also took a stab at Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, one of his rivals for the Republican presidential nomination last year, saying Cruz’s Cuban background means he “cares more about protecting Castro’s island than his own state. #KennedyAssassination!” Experts appeared on news shows to dispute the president’s assertions. “Walls don’t keep out hurricanes and neither do immigration laws, no matter how strong,” Peter Austin, an immigration law specialist at Harvard University, said on ABC News. More.
Houston mega church pastor Joel Osteen, after taking criticism for his slow response to displaced Hurricane Harvey victims, announced he’s opening up his 18,000-seat church to all who need it if they leave their wet boots outside and try to find something dry to wear. “God asked us to put more than $20 million in TV broadcasting equipment in His church and we really can’t get that wet,” said Osteen, who has made millions proselytizing what’s known as the prosperity gospel—the belief that God will reward you with monetary success if you seed His churches with donations. The more you seed the church, the richer you stand to become. Osteen said that criticism leveled at him for not opening the doors of his church right away are unfair because he needed the extra time to put mats down to protect the floor, which cost $3 million. More.
Houston mega-church pastor Joel Osteen says he would have been happy to open his 18,000-seat church to victims of Hurricane Harvey but city officials never said they needed his space and God didn’t speak to him about it. “When God told me to pray for the souls of people who seed my church with money, of course I obeyed His Word and did so,” says Osteen, who has been criticized for not inviting flood-stranded people into his arena-sized church. “So I was expecting God to share His Word about providing comfort to the people of Houston, many of whom have been living in wet clothes for three days.” Osteen says he “thought regularly” about the human tragedy he saw unfolding around him as flood waters reached five feet in some areas and hundreds of thousands of people were displaced. “Their plight touched my heart,” he said. “It didn’t matter what I was doing— putting gel in my hair or deep-cleaning my face. I hurt for the people of this city. I knew there was despair in our midst.” More.
New Jersey Governor Chrs Christie says he’s not on the list to be vice president in a Mike Pence administration should the Vice President assume the presidency in the event Donald Trump is removed from office. “I have not been asked, nor am I considering how I would respond should I be asked, to be vice president under a Mike Pence administration,” Christie said in a statement his office sent to news outlets today. “I can say I won’t be vice president unless and until I’m under consideration, and as of right now I am not.” A spokesperson for Vice President Pence confirmed that no one has asked, nor is there any contemplation of asking, Christie to be vice president under Pence. “The Vice President is focusing on improving the lives of Americans and has not made any kind of outreach to Gov. Christie to be vice president,” said Mike White, deputy spokesperson for the vice president. More.
Vice President Mike Pence confided to his aides that he’s happy to be president after Donald Trump is removed from office later this year but he’s also nervous about the number of times he’ll have to be alone with a woman who is not his wife. “The presidency is a big responsibility and there are a lot of important women I’ll have to meet and I’m not sure I’ll always be able have an aide with me,” said Pence, who adheres to a policy of never being alone with a woman unless she’s his wife, Karen. “Take Theresa May,” he said, referring to the prime minster of Great Britain. “I know there will be occasions when the two of us will have to have a private talk. I’m just not sure what I’m going to do. I’m very concerned about this.” More.
Vice President Mike Pence, amidst revelations that he used a personal email account to conduct official business when he was governor of Indiana, said what he did was different from Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton’s use of personal email when she was secretary of state. “What Hillary Clinton did was a clear violation of law and a threat to national security while my use of personal email was a smart and necessary action that benefitted the people of Indiana,” Pence said in a statement released today. Pence’s use of a personal AOL email account was revealed yesterday in a report by The Indianapolis Star. More.
Washington political pundits say they’re confident President Donald Trump, with his mounting conflicts of interest and poorly vetted and divisive policies, will be impeached before he reaches the end of his first term of office. “There’s no doubt Trump’s days are numbered,” says Chuck Cooper, the well-respected pollster who confidently predicted Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) would win the Republican nomination. “Will he be impeached within his first year or his second year? I’m not sure, but he will be impeached.” Gene Robertson, the highly regarded Washington Post columnist who confidently predicted the Republicans would flirt with Trump but would ultimately go with a strict conservative, like Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas), said it’s clear the president will not make it a full four years in office. “Will the conflicts become too glaring? Will he brazenly disregard the Constitution? I’m not sure what it will be, but a time will come when Republican leaders in Congress will be forced to capitulate and impeach him.” More.
Republican Mike Pence came across as the winner against Democrat Sen. Tim Kaine of Virginia in their vice presidential debate this week at Longwood University but viewers say the Indiana governor’s skill at lying was what impressed them the most. “I never expected Pence to be as good at lying as he was,” said Andrew McNair, a retired insurance agent in Des Moines, Iowa. “Yes, he did a good job counterpunching Kaine and articulating conservative Republican positions, but none of that matched how well he said things that weren’t true.” Viewers across the country echoed that view, saying the ability of Pence to lie without showing any hint of uncertainty or self-doubt earns him a place in a liar’s hall of fame, although such an institution doesn’t exist. More.
Republican vice presidential nominee Mike Pence, fresh from his party’s national convention in Cleveland two weeks ago, hit the campaign trail today with the message that he’s “with the sociopath” and he hopes voters all across America will join him. “It’s time for you to be with the sociopath as well!” he exhorted voters in campaign stops across the Midwest. The “sociopath” refers to Republican presidential nominee Donald J. Trump, who tapped Pence to be his running mate three weeks ago. At a stop in Des Moines, Iowa, earlier in the day, Pence said the country could no longer afford to be guided by politicians who “read briefing papers” and “consider options” when confronted with a crisis. More.
The upcoming debate between vice presidential candidates Tim Kaine on the Democratic side and Mike Pence on the Republican side will be a clash of the ages, analysts predict, with oratorical fireworks dominating the national conversation for months—possibly even years—to come. “I can’t imagine a more combustive match-up than these two men, with their outsized, colorful personalities, laying into each other for 90 minutes on national television,” says Peter Norton, CBS news political analyst and a contributor to the Street Political Report. Sam Meyers, political correspondent for The New York Times, says Kaine, the junior U.S. senator from the important swing state of Virginia and a past governor of that state, is known for his fiery rhetoric and willingness to make political enemies. More.
Indiana Governor Mike Pence, an increasingly likely pick of Donald Trump to be the presumptive Republican nominee’s vice presidential running mate, calls rumors untrue that his nickname is Cuddles. “I am not known by, and would not answer to, the name Cuddles,” Pence said in a statement he released this morning. The nickname surfaced two days ago, when his wife, Karen, was heard on an open microphone calling him that before he gave a speech in Indianapolis supporting Trump. “Cuddles, did you remember to go potty before you got up here?” his wife was heard asking him. “You know what happens when you don’t go potty before you speak. You rush through your lines.” More.