Trump, FLOTUS Make Landfall Despite Houston’s Best Effort

Landfall

HOUSTON, Sept. 30, 2017—Mayor Sylvester Turner says officials have done everything they can to prevent the president of the United States and his wife from arriving in this flood-ravaged city but in the end they were not successful. “Let me just say that this catastrophe is not a reflection on the hard work and dedication of the people of this city,” said Turner, a former state legislator who took office in January. “We made phone calls to the White House pleading for the president not to come. We said we had no place for him and his wife to stay. The roads are not passable. Food is scarce. People are traumatized. Nothing we said made a difference.”

Turner said it’s too soon to know how many people remain trapped in homes and cars, but he fears the number is in the thousands, which makes it imperative that the president not stay long. “We can’t be diverting resoures so the president can wave a Texas flag,” he said. “We need to get him back on his plane and back to Washington as soon as possible.”

Turner: Resource drain

Already the city has devoted considerable resources in meeting the president’s request to get him in front of video cameras. “Could those resources been put to better use saving people from dire circumstances?” Turner said. “Yes, absolutely.”

Compounding the problem is a shortage of TV cameras and reporters. “Of course, the news organizations are preoccupied with covering heroic efforts by officials and ordinary citizens putting their lives on the line to help people,” he said. “To divert some of those cameras and reporters so the president can appear on live TV in our flooded city is a very big distraction.”

https://www.amazon.com/Make-America-Great-Again-Campaign/dp/B01N5I4PH6/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&qid=1504087447&sr=8-2&keywords=trump+usa+hat&linkCode=li2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=8b6f84424f3efdab54c3538fb7c1aa89Turner said he asked local news reporters to keep their coverage short so they could get back to the work of covering rescue and recovery efforts. “I thank the news organizations for their professionalism,” he said. “They sent their most junior reporters to cover the president so the more experienced ones can cover the news. But now I’d like to see even the junior reporters get back to work. I think the president leaves soon, so fortunately I think they’ll be able to.”

Turner said his first task after the president leaves is to find an environmentally responsible way to dispose of the several hundred “USA” hats the president left in Houston. “As if we don’t have enough challenges, now we have to get rid of these freakin’ hats,” he said. “I’d ship them back to Washington but all of the transport services are tied up with rescue operations.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: cc. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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