Huckabee Sanders: The President and I Both Started on Third Base Thanks to Our Dads

Dad paved way

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders says she understands President Donald Trump more than other people, including Sean Spicer, her predecessor, because, like Trump, she has relied on her dad to clear obstacles in front of her so that she could get to where she is without having to compete for it.

“I guess you could say the President and I have a bond,” says Huckabee-Sanders, 34. “His dad handed over the keys to a successful company to him so that he didn’t have to build that company from scratch. My dad leveraged his connections as a governor and a two-time presidential candidate to get me a top position with the Republican National Committee so I didn’t have to open doors on my own.”

Huckabee: Daughter needed job

“Unless you’ve had the experience of having everything handed to you on a silver platter, you can’t understand what that feels like,” Huckabee-Sanders says. “Very few people know what it’s like to have no competition for anything because doors open automatically, like magic. Young people in Washington fight ruthlessly to get a plum position in the hierarchy of their party, whether Republican or Democrat. I didn’t have to do anything except be the daughter of Mike Huckabee, governor of Arkansas and a candidate for president who won much of the evangelical vote in 2008 but still finished behind John McCain and ran again in 2016 but left the field early, enabling Donald Trump to mop up the evangelical vote without too much trouble.”

Maybe dad helped

Huckabee-Sanders says President Trump has a similar life story. As the son of a successful New York real estate developer, he was given seed money and loans to do his own deals and then took over the family business after his father became too old to manage day-to-day operations. “When President Trump was a young businessman, all of what he needed to get deals done—money, lawyers, contacts at City Hall—were already in place,” she says. “He never had to build the infrastructure you need to succeed because it had already been built by his dad. All the president had to do was play the pieces that were already on the board. I know what that’s like.”

Although President Trump has commented that Huckabee-Sanders isn’t great looking, he’s relatively satisfied with her performance because she sticks closely to the message he wants to convey. When asked how she’s able to do that so well, she says it’s because she and Trump share that special bond.

“He never had to stand in the batter’s box and face the pitcher to get to third base and neither did I,” she says. “So he and I know things that others don’t. We know what it’s like to have people constantly question whether you really have what it takes to succeed because you’ve never been tested. I know that feeling, because my dad got me this job. And he knows that feeling because his dad handed him a business worth hundreds of millions of dollars. We’re not legitimate and we know it. So, we have that shared experience.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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