“I guess you could say the President and I have a bond,” says Huckabee-Sanders, 34. “His dad handed over the keys to a successful company to him so that he didn’t have to build that company from scratch. My dad leveraged his connections as a governor and a two-time presidential candidate to get me a top position with the Republican National Committee so I didn’t have to open doors on my own.”“Unless you’ve had the experience of having everything handed to you on a silver platter, you can’t understand what that feels like,” Huckabee-Sanders says. “Very few people know what it’s like to have no competition for anything because doors open automatically, like magic. Young people in Washington fight ruthlessly to get a plum position in the hierarchy of their party, whether Republican or Democrat. I didn’t have to do anything except be the daughter of Mike Huckabee, governor of Arkansas and a candidate for president who won much of the evangelical vote in 2008 but still finished behind John McCain and ran again in 2016 but left the field early, enabling Donald Trump to mop up the evangelical vote without too much trouble.” Huckabee-Sanders says President Trump has a similar life story. As the son of a successful New York real estate developer, he was given seed money and loans to do his own deals and then took over the family business after his father became too old to manage day-to-day operations. “When President Trump was a young businessman, all of what he needed to get deals done—money, lawyers, contacts at City Hall—were already in place,” she says. “He never had to build the infrastructure you need to succeed because it had already been built by his dad. All the president had to do was play the pieces that were already on the board. I know what that’s like.”
Although President Trump has commented that Huckabee-Sanders isn’t great looking, he’s relatively satisfied with her performance because she sticks closely to the message he wants to convey. When asked how she’s able to do that so well, she says it’s because she and Trump share that special bond.
“He never had to stand in the batter’s box and face the pitcher to get to third base and neither did I,” she says. “So he and I know things that others don’t. We know what it’s like to have people constantly question whether you really have what it takes to succeed because you’ve never been tested. I know that feeling, because my dad got me this job. And he knows that feeling because his dad handed him a business worth hundreds of millions of dollars. We’re not legitimate and we know it. So, we have that shared experience.”
This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.
After seeing how President Donald Trump deployed his legendary dealmaking skills on the votes to repeal and replace Obamacare, Americans say they now “get” what Trump was talking about when he said on the campaign trail that no one can make deals like he can. “I admit I thought he was just boasting when he said he was a great dealmaker,” says Harold Gardner, a retired accountant in Des Moines, Iowa. “It sounded like a lot of hyperbole to me. But I see now that he really is the consummate dealmaker. The way he got into the back-and-forth about what lawmakers needed to get the health care law passed—it was revealing. You could see how he works to understand what each person wants so he can cut a deal that gives each person a little of what they want so everyone can claim a victory. It was dazzling.” More.
PARIS—President Donald Trump, in what many are calling an international gaffe and a sexist comment, called Brigitte Marcon, wife of French President Emmanuel Macron, “very high quality” and in fact “higher quality” than he expected. “The First Lady of our strong friend and ally France is in good shape and you can tell she’s a quality person, very beautiful, the highest quality,” Trump said yesterday during his meeting with President Macron and his wife. Trump was in France with his wife, Melania, to celebrate Bastille Day with the French people. “I know a lot of quality people,” Trump said. “The best high quality. I would certainly put the First Lady of France in that group. I put my wife in that group, too, of couse. There are a lot of people in that group.” More.
Ivana Trump, Donald Trump’s ex-wife and mother of his three oldest children, agreed with her former husband that their oldest son, Donald Jr., is “high quality” but also added that their two other children, Ivanka and Eric, are also “high quality.” Trump, 68, a Czech-American businesswoman and former fashion model who divorced Trump in 1992, said having quality children was a goal they both shared and one of the things they never had any disagreements over. “We had differences on some things, like me working outside the house, but I can say that we never disagreed on the need to have high quality children,” she said. “We also agreed that our children were in fact very high quality, so that’s something we both take pride in.” More.
President Donald Trump said his oldest son, Donald Jr., didn’t collude with the Russians to hurt Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton in the 2016 election, but if he did, he can count on a presidential pardon. “The Democrats can use their rigged system to convict my son for a fake Russia collusion story but I have the ability to pardon him and I will,” Trump said today at the White House. “He’s going to keep running my business until I’m out of office.” Trump called the linkage between his son and Russian lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya a “witch hunt” because their meeting was the kind of thing people involved in campaigns have always done. “If someone who claimed to have connections to the Iranian government offered to share damning stories about me to Hillary Clinton’s people, do you think they’d turn that down?” Trump said. More.
President Donald Trump made a more serious and important decision this morning than anything former President Barack Obama ever made in his eight years in office, White House Spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders said today. Sanders was responding to a question from a reporter about an important piece of paper that Trump was photographed looking at this morning. Sanders said she wasn’t familiar with the paper, but based on past papers the President has looked at, it was likely something of grave national concern about which the President made a better decision than Obama ever would have. “I can tell you that, whatever decision President Trump made was better for America, created more jobs and saved more lives, than decisions his predecessor made,” she said. Tomorrow the President will be making better decisions than Obama based on a briefing book of “probably 100 pages” that he is scheduled to be photographed looking at, Huckabee said. “The jobs will be better, the outcome for America’s forgotten middle class will be superior to the disaster that was the Obama presidency,” she said. More.
White House communications chief Kellyanne Conway says it’s unfair of the media not to take into account all the infantile thoughts and memes that President Trump could have tweeted but didn’t during his five months in office. “Have there been adolescent thoughts he’s tweeted that probably should have stayed in his head?” Conway told reporters at the White House today. “Of course. But there have been far more that he hasn’t tweeted, including some that were particularly beneath the dignity of the president.” Conway gave as an example a meme Trump had been thinking about tweeting but didn’t even though it was particularly juvenile. “I was with him when he said he wanted to share this stupid video that he liked a lot,” she said. “But he decided not to and I think that speaks a lot to the kind of man, the kind of president he is.” More.
The CNN executive who got body slammed by Donald Trump in the viral wrestling video says the fight didn’t end when the video ended; it ended after an additional round of fighting in which Trump didn’t fare quite so well. The executive, who asked to remain anonymous so he could speak frankly, said he hit Trump with a leapfrog body guillotine, in which he ran up to Trump from behind, jumped on his back, and hopped over his head, forcing Trump down onto the ground. “It was a dirty move but the President fights dirty,” said the executive. More.
Louise Linton, newly married to Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, reportedly said “I do” when she was asked at her wedding if she would love and cherish her husband until death do them part. The Scottish-born actress is probably best known for her role as Deputy Winston in Cabin Fever, a 2016 horror film. She also played Annie Luster in The Midnight Man, a 2016 film about an assassin who, late in life, experiences what it’s like to feel pain. Linton, 36, met Mnuchin at a wedding reception in 2013 and said it was an honor to have President Donald Trump and his wife, Melania Trump, at their wedding, which took place earlier this month at the Andrew Mellon Auditorium in Washington and which has been described as “extravagant” and a “fairy tale wedding” in news reports. The wedding was presided over by Vice President Mike Pence. More.
President Donald Trump admitted today he never taped former FBI Director James Comey but he left open the possibility that he’s taping himself, although he acknowledged he’s just speculating. “I’m not saying I am taping myself but so many things are coming out of the White House, coming out of the Oval Office, that I think I could be taping myself,” he said. “I just think we’re going to be revealing some very interesting things in the months ahead. Very interesting things. You’ll be surprised, I can guarantee you that.” A White House press aide who spoke on condition of anonymity said the President’s remark “speaks for itself,” although it wasn’t clear if the President was admitting he was taping himself or whether he was being taped at his request or whether he was being taped not at his request but with his tacit agreement. “Or maybe the agreement isn’t tacit,” this aide said. “I think you ought to ask the President whether it’s tacit or not.” More.