Trump Says He’ll Pardon Don Jr. If Collusion is Proven

President Trump

President Donald Trump said his oldest son, Donald Jr., didn’t collude with the Russians to hurt Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton in the 2016 election, but if he did, he can count on a presidential pardon. “The Democrats can use their rigged system to convict my son for a fake Russia collusion story but I have the ability to pardon him and I will,” Trump said today at the White House. “He’s going to keep running my business until I’m out of office.”

Trump, Jr.

Trump called the linkage between his son and Russian lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya a “witch hunt” because their meeting was the kind of thing people involved in campaigns have always done. “If someone who claimed to have connections to the Iranian government offered to share damning stories about me to Hillary Clinton’s people, do you think they’d turn that down?” Trump said. “How come the fake news isn’t looking into that meeting? My son meets with a Russian and it’s treason but Clinton’s crooked people can meet with an Iranian spy and it gets nothing in the press.”

Trump added that “everyone’s talking about Clinton’s meeting with an Iranian spy to have me assassinated. But of course Hillary can do no wrong because she’s the candidate of fraud news like the failing New York Times.”

When asked if he has evidence of a meeting with Clinton campaign staff and an Iranian spy, Trump said the answer will be known soon enough. “You’ll be very surprised,” he said. “You’ll be shocked, because it’ll be so disgraceful.”

He added that he’s had more “real Americans” on White House tours since he’s been in office than President Barack Obama ever had. “We had a lot of coal miners and they thanked me for saving their jobs,” he said. “Hillary got zilch in West Virginia, you know. But I still get assassinated. There’s the collusion.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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'She put us at risk'

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