Report: Trump May Be Hiding Bald Spot in Taxes

Trump: Just about money?

A report by the Kleinbaum Institute of Forensic Sciences at Columbia University says there’s a good chance President Donald Trump has been hiding his bald spot in his taxes since 1995 and maybe even as far back as 1991.

“As a presidential candidate, Donald Trump was willing to risk losing the election by refusing to do what presidential candidates have been doing for the last 40 years: release their tax returns,” says William Berger, professor of forensic sciences at Columbia and the director of the Kleinbaum Institute. “The question that has intrigued Americans and even people around the world for the past 18 months is, why? We think we know why.”

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Berger says it’s understandable people think Trump is trying to hide embarrassing financial matters by keeping his taxes out of the public spotlight. Among other things, he could have ties to Russian oligarchs, which would complicate the relationship between the United States and Russia and even leave him subject to blackmail, or he could earn far less than he claims, undermining his assertion that he’s a successful businessman.

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Just a ‘bald’ spot?

But what these theories miss is that Trump had no concerns about disclosing his taxes prior to 1995, the same year he settled on his current style of comb-over to hide his bald spot. What’s more, starting in 1991, when Trump first started experimenting with different comb-overs, he continued to talk about his taxes, although in a more circumspect way.

“What we’re saying is, it’s likely the parallel movement between his comb-over and his taxes is not a coincidence but is actually related in an essential way,” Berger says.

Among the evidence to substantiate his claim, he says, is a lawsuit Trump filed in 1995 to stop a New York talk show host from sharing tax- and hair-related statements Trump had made to the radio personality in private.

https://www.amazon.com/N-Fini-Womens-Bodysuit-Shapewear-Underwire/dp/B007V6R8CO/ref=as_li_ss_il?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B00K27WPNQ&pd_rd_r=MSHVDEYM45C327CN6X7J&pd_rd_w=NGaDw&pd_rd_wg=GybDy&refRID=MSHVDEYM45C327CN6X7J&linkCode=li2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=82553334f1f2eb6c6b6404d862bf9ad9“I can’t disclose the radio personality’s name, but the two of them were joking in private about ‘the deductions’ Trump was seeing in his hair and how he wished he could ‘flip his hair the same way he flips his real estate.’ He also said he would be ‘an even richer man if he could hide his financial losses the way he hides his follicle losses.’”

Berger calls the lawsuit just the tip of the iceberg. “Any successful businessman is going to have complicated ties to financial interests in what you might call unsavory parts of the world, like Russia and Saudi Arabia, because their economies are not open and they’re always looking for American partners. So why not just disclose that, as people would expect? What we’re saying is, it’s not compromising financial entanglements or empty financial claims he’s trying to cover up; it’s the bald spot on the top of his head.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd, jh. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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