Trump: ‘People Like the Bombs’

Trump: ‘Might drop more bombs’

President Donald Trump said today he might drop more bombs in hot spots around the world because both Republicans and Democrats appear to like them.

“Who would have thought the bombs would be so popular, but they are and we’re going to do more of them, I guarantee you,” Trump said at a press briefing after meeting with business officials on tax reform. “Syria was a big win for us. People liked the Tomahawks. President Bashar al-Assad poisoned his own people. We fired the bombs. That was good. A big win. Then we dropped the mother of all bombs on Afghanistan. People are sick of Afghanistan. They can’t believe we’re still there. We can’t get out of that country? We dropped the bomb.”

North Korea

Trump said the timing might be right to “drop a big one” on North Korea, the impoverished but belligerent dictatorship that has vexed American presidents for decades. “No one likes Kim Jong-un.” Trump said. “Not even the Chinese. People want us to drop a bomb. Maybe we’ll do several at once. We think we can do it. Our patience is running thin.”

Security experts warn there’s no simple solution to North Korea, since the country has missiles pointed at South Korea and Japan, and might even have missile technology to hit the west coast of the United States.

Provocative parade

“A miscalculation could easily inflame the region.” said Raymond Banks, a former National Security Agency deputy director who spoke on CNN this morning.

Trump said the United States won’t rush into anything, but the conflict posed by North Korea is a problem that won’t wait. “Kim Jong-un is holding parades,” he said. “He’s showing his bombs. We have bigger bombs. We need to hit him soon. He gets a lot of news coverage when he holds his parades. This problem is really coming to a head.”

Iran could be a bombing target, too, Trump said. “A lot of bad people there. And they want a nuclear bomb. We might have to bomb them first. I think people would like that.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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