SPRING CREEK, Calif.—Recent sightings of a mysterious beauty object have caused a stir here in this former mining town 175 miles north of San Francisco.
“I haven’t seen the town buzzing like this since we had the frog jumping contest here one year because the track was too muddy in Calaveras County,” says Sam Baker, a retired rancher who serves as the town’s unofficial historian.
The cause of all the excitement is a string of recent sightings of an unidentified beauty object that many locals believe is Melania Trump, the rarely seen wife of President Donald Trump. “We thought she only existed in New York City,” says Helen Carter, owner of Carter’s Diner on Route 43. “The idea that she would be sighted way out here makes me think it’s not really her but a local girl who probably got pregnant and doesn’t want to tell her parents.”
There have been three sightings in all. The first came about four days ago, not far from an abandoned mill a mile outside of town. The second was two days ago, higher up in the foothills. And the third was yesterday, in the same proximate area. “If she is a pregnant girl, she better be careful because there are copperheads up there in the spring,” says Carter.
Butch Cummings, who was the first to see the mysterious woman, says he thought immediately that it was the First Lady. “I couldn’t remember her name right away,” he says. “I remember it was kind of an unusual name, then I remembered it was Melania, because her face was like a melody, I thought. It was a beauty, that’s for sure.”
The Shasta County Sheriff’s Office is looking at the photographic evidence and is expected to weigh in on whether the photos are authentic or not later this week. “As of right now, all we can say is we have what are alleged to be photographs of the mysterious person and that we are analyzing them carefully,” the sheriff’s office said in a statement.
The town isn’t new to mysterious sightings. It was here about seven years ago the legendary Big Foot was thought to be seen, but the only photograph of the sighting was stolen and has not been recovered, adding to the mystery. But several residents say they saw the giant ape-like creature and are convinced it was the mythical beast. “Biggest damn feet I ever seen,” said Harold Campbell. “That was no bear and there aren’t apes around here.”
The sightings of the mysterious woman add to the mystique of the First Lady, who is a native of Slovenia and, to many people in this rural part of California, is the most exotic First Lady the country has ever had. “Jackie Kennedy was exotic, but she did things,” says Carter. “She would host brunches and stuff. But Melania Trump doesn’t seem to do anything. She seems to hide out in Trump Tower a lot. I hope the mysterious lady is her. She needs to get out more.”
This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.
As California struggles to contain its worse fire season ever, President Trump ignited a new conflagration by wondering if the state is even part of the United States because, while the documents granting statehood in 1850 are presumed to be authentic, does anyone really know for sure that they are? In comments to Good Morning America this morning, Trump said he’s “skeptical” that California’s original application for admission to the United States is authentic. “You know, people aren’t so sure California is even a state and they shouldn’t be dismissed as idiots,” he said. “In the early days, did very many people really know California was a state? You’d ask people, and, it’s funny, but there weren’t that many if you read the history. No one really talks about that.” More.
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Melania’s Body Double Speaks Out, Says She’s Repeatedly Asked Donald to Provide a Body Double at Night
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Katrina Pierson, the spokesperson for Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump, said this morning that she’s a better liar than new campaign manager Kellyanne Conway and that there’s no truth to the rumor that Conway is doing most of the TV appearances these days because Trump is unhappy with how well Pierson is lying. “I know people like to spread the lie that somehow Kellyanne is a better liar than I am, but that is an outright lie and I can say in all honesty I am the better liar and Donald Trump has said he truthfully believes I’m a better liar,” said Pierson, who has been Trump’s chief spokesperson since early last year, when the real estate mogul announced his candidacy. More.
Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump, fresh from his dramatic trip to Mexico to discuss immigration policy, said he would allow Angélica Rivera, the wife of Mexican president Enrique Peña Nieto, into the country if she wants to come. “We would make an exception for her, absolutely, and I told her that when I was in Mexico,” Trump said at a campaign stop in Albuquerque, N.M. “I told her I’ll have a car ready for her anytime she wants to come. She has my number. She said she’d like to see Trump Tower. I said I’d like to show it to her.” Rivera, 47, an actress and model before she became Mexico’s First Lady, was born in Mexico City. She has been married to Peña Nieto since 2010. Trump’s trip to Mexico has generated a considerable amount of analysis. In Mexico, he appeared to take a conciliatory approach to the country, but that appeared to change in a major address he gave in Phoenix that night. More.
Republican Presidential nominee Donald Trump said it was Michelle Obama, not his wife Melania, whose 2008 convention speech included two plagiarzed paragraphs from his wife’s convention speech last night in Cleveland. “It’s unbelievable that Michelle Obama would take what she knew my wife would be saying this week and use it in her speech eight years ago,” Trump said last night in his hotel suite in Cleveland. Trump and his wife are in Cleveland for the 2016 Republican National Convention, which is set to make his nomination official later this week. “She took the words right out of Melania’s mouth before Melania could even put them in her mouth snd speak them.” Trump said he might file a lawsuit against Obama, charging her with stealing his wife’s words eight years before his wife could used them. More.
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Former Fox news host Bill O’Reilly and Roger Ailes, former chairman of Fox News, were seen last night at a New York City hotel bar trying to pick up chicks but people who watched say the two men were unsuccessful. “Bill O’Reilly was a little drunk, I think,” says Cindy Carlson, a legal secretary who says she saw the two men try to flirt with women for about an hour at the bar, called The Tap Room, located in the New York Park Hotel on 5th Avenue. “I think O’Reilly said something like, ‘What’s your sign?’ and the woman seated next to him looked away. I don’t think she knew who he was.” More.
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In a sensational claim, the supermarket tabloid Weekly National Report says a 50-year-old woman in Fayetteville, Ark., Dannielle Eggles, is the daughter of presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump and she’s demanding a “White House bedroom” for her and her husband if he is elected president. “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I feel I must come forward because it’s time for my daddy to stop pretending I don’t exist,” Eggles said at a press conference in Fayetteville yesterday. Eggles, a clerk at Target, said she had resigned herself to living in the shadow of her famous father and her glamorous half brothers and sisters, but six months ago she and her husband, Ron Eggles, decided she could no longer do that. “We just thought it wasnt fair that Ivanka, Tiffany, Eric, Donald, Jr., and Barron all get to live the high life while we have to scrape our fingers to the bone just because daddy pretends I don’t exist.” More.
Republican presidential nomination front-runner Donald Trump said today he’s not a misogynist and that “his women” will tell you that. “My wife Melania and my daughter Ivanka, just ask them,” said Trump. “They’ll tell you I’m no misogynist. And my other women—Marla and Ivana. They’ll tell you the same thing. All of my women, past and present, know I like women. In fact, I love women. I love them a lot.” Trump said “his women at work” also know he’s not a misogynist. “I give all of my women at The Trump Company opportunity. I give them responsibility. I don’t have to give them those things, but I do. Because my women are the best. In fact, I wouldn’t have anything but the best women.” More.
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