Unidentified Beauty Object Thought to be Melania Trump

Just a pregnant girl?

SPRING CREEK, Calif.—Recent sightings of a mysterious beauty object have caused a stir here in this former mining town 175 miles north of San Francisco.

“I haven’t seen the town buzzing like this since we had the frog jumping contest here one year because the track was too muddy in Calaveras County,” says Sam Baker, a retired rancher who serves as the town’s unofficial historian.

The cause of all the excitement is a string of recent sightings of an unidentified beauty object that many locals believe is Melania Trump, the rarely seen wife of President Donald Trump. “We thought she only existed in New York City,” says Helen Carter, owner of Carter’s Diner on Route 43. “The idea that she would be sighted way out here makes me think it’s not really her but a local girl who probably got pregnant and doesn’t want to tell her parents.”

There have been three sightings in all. The first came about four days ago, not far from an abandoned mill a mile outside of town. The second was two days ago, higher up in the foothills. And the third was yesterday, in the same proximate area. “If she is a pregnant girl, she better be careful because there are copperheads up there in the spring,” says Carter.

Butch Cummings, who was the first to see the mysterious woman, says he thought immediately that it was the First Lady. “I couldn’t remember her name right away,” he says. “I remember it was kind of an unusual name, then I remembered it was Melania, because her face was like a melody, I thought. It was a beauty, that’s for sure.”

‘Like a melody’

The Shasta County Sheriff’s Office is looking at the photographic evidence and is expected to weigh in on whether the photos are authentic or not later this week. “As of right now, all we can say is we have what are alleged to be photographs of the mysterious person and that we are analyzing them carefully,” the sheriff’s office said in a statement.

The town isn’t new to mysterious sightings. It was here about seven years ago the legendary Big Foot was thought to be seen, but the only photograph of the sighting was stolen and has not been recovered, adding to the mystery. But several residents say they saw the giant ape-like creature and are convinced it was the mythical beast. “Biggest damn feet I ever seen,” said Harold Campbell. “That was no bear and there aren’t apes around here.”

The sightings of the mysterious woman add to the mystique of the First Lady, who is a native of Slovenia and, to many people in this rural part of California, is the most exotic First Lady the country has ever had. “Jackie Kennedy was exotic, but she did things,” says Carter. “She would host brunches and stuff. But Melania Trump doesn’t seem to do anything. She seems to hide out in Trump Tower a lot. I hope the mysterious lady is her. She needs to get out more.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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