Republicans Shocked They Couldn’t Pass a Bill No One Liked

Ryan: ‘I’m really smart’

Republican lawmakers in the United States Congress say they’re flabbergasted they couldn’t pull out a win yesterday by passing a bill that no one wanted and that would make the lives of Americans worse.

“Who would have thought that a bill that strips health insurance away from 24 million people, raises the premiums for everyone else, and allows insurance companies to pay for less care couldn’t generate enough votes to pass?” House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) said last night after pulling the plug on his signature health care reform bill.

Ryan said he’s stunned that his fellow Republicans didn’t want to commit political suicide by making the lives of their constituents worse by publicly voting “yea” for his bill, called the American Health Care Act. “The bill takes the money we were sinking into poor, unhealthy people and uses it to fund a tax break of up to $1 trillion for the country’s corporate sector,” he said. “Why wouldn’t a congressperson who represents people who are struggling to pay their bills and rely on Medicaid for healthcare want to vote to make these people’s lives even more miserable? I can’t understand it.”

McCarthy: ‘Me really smart, too’

Ryan’s bill went down after it became clear moderate Republicans wouldn’t vote for it because it hurt too many people and conservative Republicans wouldn’t vote for it because it left too much of Obamacare in place.

Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.), the Republican whip, said it was wrong of Republicans not to vote for the bill just because business and consumer interests were aligned against it. “Why are we in Congress if not to pass bills no one wants passed?” he said.

https://www.amazon.com/Womens-USA-Flag-Bikini-Swimsuit/dp/B01E8U3TMS/ref=as_li_ss_il?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B01E8U3SWO&pd_rd_r=64FYRV8M15HK0EYVKV5K&pd_rd_w=Wr2jZ&pd_rd_wg=5YhX6&refRID=64FYRV8M15HK0EYVKV5K&linkCode=li2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=f45e76ffb5a5b6f11c4d9aabb36125c5Peter Lambert, a political consultant who works on many conservative issues but didn’t work on the health bill, said the Republican party has to do some soul-searching to see why they couldn’t pass a bill no one liked. “I think we’ll discover that a bill has to have someone rooting for it for it to pass,” he said. “When constituents don’t like a bill and business interests don’t like a bill, that should be a signal that the bill will have trouble passing. I think we’ll learn from this and just put forward bills that have at least some support from somewhere.”

Next week Republicans could get a chance to put that lesson to the test. Ryan has annonced that he’s bringing up for a vote the fiscal year 2018 budget, which cuts or eliminates funds for programs that millions of people rely on for food, housing, and healthcare and that businesses make a lot of money on. “Our wealthiest Americans need another tax break so they can buy another boat or get another vacation condo,” Ryan said. “We have to get our poorest, most desperate people off these welfare programs and at the same time anger our business interests by taking away big sources of their money. These two objectives are so popular that Congress will quickly pass this budget. We’re going to go down in history as the smartest Congress our country ever had.”

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd. Creative Commons and public domain. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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