Kellyanne Conway, one of the most visible defenders of Donald Trump’s presidency, says photos of her in a bikini are “alternative facts” that are being spread on the Internet without regard to the truth.
“I have clearly been photoshopped into images of other women to hurt Donald Trump by demeaning me as a person,” said Conway, 50. “This isn’t about me. This is about the whole notion of shared truth. By posting pictures that are so obviously not me, we are undermining our own sense of truth and our own shared community as Americans. We should not stand by while the notion of truth is debased by such blatant lies. Someone needs to stand up to falsehoods when we see them. We must fight back.”
The pictures, which first surfaced in conservative news tabloid National Midnight Star, depict Conway in a variety of bathing suits, including a glittery blue bikini in front of what looks to be the main gate at Mar-a-Lago, the Florida resort owned by Donald Trump. Another image shows Conway in a yellow bikini on a small island off Mar-a-Lago. Another shows Conway in a red bikini, although only her backside is visible.
Conway said the pictures are the work of a “bad (or sick) person” and are an attempt to take the focus off the things the Trump administration is doing, like accusing President Barack Obama of wire tapping Trump Towers, using the presidency to spread accusations about Muslim attacks in Sweden, and saying immigration curbs are needed because of a massacre in Bowling Green, Ky.
“What these images do is corrode the very notion of truth by pretending these are legitimate pictures of me when they are so clearly false,” she said. “Can you imagine if our president claimed Muslims in New Jersey cheered the attack on the World Trade Center in 2001? Of course we can’t imagine that because it’s so beneath the dignity of someone running for our nation’s highest office. Or can you imagine if a candidate for the presidency tried to connect the father of a rival candidate to the assassination of John F. Kennedy? Again, you can’t imagine that because it’s so beneath the dignity of a presidential candidate. Or if a candidate were to accuse a president of not being born in the United States until the candidate decides it’s okay for him to be born in the United States?”
Conway also asked if you could image a president making sweeping denunciations of all media as “fake news,” an assertion that can only serve to undermine the foundations of a democracy, which depends on citizens agreeing to a set or norms, values, and basic facts.
“If you try to discredit all media, you create a population in which people retreat into their own information bubbles, no longer trusting anything the other side says,” she said. “This is a personal attack on my character but it’s also an attack on our democracy, our shared trust in our institutions, and our credibility as a nation.”
This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos: pd, cwm. Creative Commons and public domain. Images modified. Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.
U.S. Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh says his calendar entry for Sept. 28 says he should have been confirmed as the next associate justice by now and he wants to know what the hell the hold up is. “I’ve made clear in all my testimony up to this point that my calendar is an accurate reflection of my schedule and yet I’m still waiting on the Senate to vote on my confirmation,” Kavanaugh said at a press conference today. “Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has said both privately and in public that the Senate was to have voted on my nomination by now and yet we’re still waiting.” Kavanaugh said there’s nothing on his calendar about waiting this long for his confirmation vote. More.
Kavanaugh Says He Wouldn’t Have Made High School Girl Get Abortion Had He Impregnated Her During Assault
U.S. Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh sought to reassure the White House, Republican lawmakers, and the public that he never would have made the girl he assaulted in high school get an abortion had he impregnated her. “I categorically deny I would have asked her to get an abortion,” said Kavanaugh, who was considered a shoo-in to replace retiring justice Anthony Kennedy before assault allegations surfaced. “Had she asked me to pay for an abortion or drive her to an abortion clinic I would not have done so, nor would I have been happy had she driven herself to a clinic or paid for her abortion herself.” Kavanaugh is considered a solid conservative choice for the Supreme Court, which is currently evenly split between conservative and liberal justices. Supporters believe he’ll be a reliable foe of abortion rights, possibly even overturning Roe v. Wade, which has protected women’s access to safe and legal abortions for decades. More.
Former Donald Trump lawyer and personal fixer Michael Cohen says he stands by his assertion more than a year ago that he would take a bullet for his former boss unless it was fired from a gun and he was in its path. “I’m not one of those people who will turn on Trump,” Cohen told reporters today. “When I said I would take a bullet for him, I meant it.”* Cohen, who is under investigation by federal prosecutors in New York for bank fraud and election law violations, released a tape to CNN last week that appears to implicate Trump in an effort to stifle publication of story that he had an affair with a former Playboy model, Karen McDougal. If the allegation is proven, it could be an election law violation because it represents an undisclosed expenditure to influence the 2016 presidential election by preventing negative news coming out on him close to the election. More.
President Donald Trump says his “very good brain” might be next on his list of security officials to be denied access to the country’s highest level of classified intelligence. “I might do it,” he said in remarks to reporters ahead of a cabinet meeting this morning. “We’ll see what happens, but it’s something that might have to be done.” Former CIA chief John Brennan had his security clearance revoked this week after Trump accused him of becoming a national security threat because of his erratic and biased comments on the Russia probe. White House aides say Trump’s brain has been fluctuating back and forth between letting the Russia probe by Special Counsel Robert Mueller proceed without interruption and pulling the plug on it by replacing Attorney General Jeff Sessions with someone who will fire Rod Rosenstein, the Justice official who oversees Mueller. More.
In a rare attempt at unification, President Trump in a televised address today said it’s time for Americans to put their divisions behind them and work toward a better future as one. “We have been working at cross purposes for too long,” he said from the East Room in the White House. “Low-IQ Americans and high-IQ Americans have been taking different paths while our country needs us to march in lockstep to reach the better America we all want. No more!” He said the United States is poised to take the next step toward greatness but it’s up to low-status people to join hands with high-status people and for the educated to reach out to the uneducated. “Everyone has something to contribute,” he said, “from the biggest loser to the greatest winner.” Reaching for the kind of oratorical heights he has shunned in the past, Trump asked “hysterical, wacky, crazy, and crooked women” to seek common ground with not-smart people, including men, so that “the country we all love so much can grow its economy, cut additional taxes, and beef up its military. More.
White Power Can’t Be Stopped Unless It’s Raining and There are Counter-Protesters, Jason Kessler Says
The Unite the Right rally in front of the White House on Aug. 12, the one-year anniversary of the Charlottesville rally that resulted in the death of a counter-protester, shows how far the white nationalist movement has pushed into the mainstream, says the event’s organizer, Jason Kessler. “What we were able to show today, until the rain kicked in, is that the time has come for white Americans to act boldly and reassert their place at the top of western society,” Kessler said while he and the 23 other rally-goers rode in a police van back to the subway after concluding their rally. Kessler said white people have always been the dominate race because of their natural superiority and that dynamic would have been evident at the rally today except that too many counter-protesters were there. More.
Former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort is accused of withholding fees last week from the team of lawyers defending him from bank and tax fraud charges so he could buy a $2.1 million home in McLean, Va. The charges, filed today by Kevin Downing, Manafort’s lead defense lawyer, says he and six other lawyers were due to be paid $57,000 for their legal work on Manafort’s behalf for the last two weeks but the money instead went to American Title Company as an earnest money deposit on the 2,000-square-foot house, which would be Manafort’s 14th. Downing says he hopes to settle the dispute amicably outside of court, but he’s filing the charges to put Manafort on notice that the long-time political operative and international campaign consultant must pay his legal bills. More.
Several Americans rose from the dead after the tragic shooting in Toronto last week to urge Canadians to “get some mojo” and replace their “lame” gun laws with the kind of laws that give the United States the bragging rights of a true gunslinger. “Nothing will get the testosterone flowing like a few ‘Stand Your Ground’ laws in Ontario, Alberta, or British Columbia,” said Tucker Hawley, a Dallas lawyer who became a dead American last year when he was shot at a shopping mall. Hawley said he was a little freaked out after he was killed, along with several others, by a man whose social media posts suggests he had trouble talking to women. But once he got over the shock of being shot, he found his new life as a dead man not that bad. He never really liked to work anyway. More.
In an explosive development, President Trump’s long-time lawyer and fixer Michael Cohen can be heard in a secretly recorded phone conversation asking then-candidate Trump for his PIN so he can make a $150,000 payment to former Playboy playmate Karen McDougal, who was about to publish an account of her year-long affair with the real estate mogul in the National Enquirer. “Is it 1457 or 1754?” Cohen can be heard asking Trump in the 2016 recording, one of several Cohen made of his conversations with Trump and which were seized by the FBI in a raid of his properties earlier this year. “I had it written down but I can’t find my cheat sheet.” More.
Three years after Donald Trump burst onto the political scene with his ride down the gilded escalator at Trump Tower, the well of ideas for stories about him is running dry, fake-news writers complain. “I’ve made up stories about affairs he’s had with porn stars and Playboy models, following beauty contest contestants into their dressing rooms, and grabbing women without their consent, and now I’m just depleted,” says Tucker Gretz, senior fake-news writer for The New York Times. Terry Carter, a fake-news writer for The Washington Post, says she thought she had the ultimate fake-news story with Trump . . . . More.
Senior White House advisors say the media is missing the big picture of what President Trump is trying to do with regard to his foreign policy, because it’s not the haphazard approach it appears to be. Instead, everything is tied to the idea that the United States leads best when it leads from Putin’s behind. “If you want to give it a name, you can call it ‘Leading from Putin’s Behind,” says National Security Advisor John Bolton. “Are we leading? Absolutely. We’re leading in Europe. We’re leading in the Middle East. But we want to be subtle about it. We don’t want to be perceived as throwing our weight around. Thus, we’re leading from behind. It’s not a new concept. But we’re not just leading from behind. It’s more strategic than that. We’re leading from Putin’s behind.” More.
Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio), a former Ohio State University wrestling coach who’s been under fire since accusations emerged that athletes were groped by the team doctor and he did nothing about it, says he had no knowledge of the groping he was told about during his years there. “Had I known about the groping that the students told me about before and after practice, I would have done something,” Johnson told CNN this morning. Jordan was an assistant wrestling coach at the university from 1987 to 1995. He was elected to Congress in 2007 and has emerged as one of President Trump’s fiercest defenders. He’s being talked about as a replacement for retiring House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.). More.
Besieged former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen says he should get the soundproof phone booth in the EPA director’s office now that Scott Pruitt has resigned from that position because no one on earth needs a secure place to make phone calls more than he does. “I’ve got a dozen prosecutors poring through every computer, laptop, tablet, and phone I own,” Cohen complained to reporters this morning. “If I had a carrier pigeon they’d be searching its legs for private messages. I need that friggin’ phone booth.” Cohen, who worked as Trump’s fixer for more than a dozen years and is at the center of an investigation into payments he made to women to keep them quiet about alleged sexual encounters they had with the president before he took office, says he’s owed at least the phone booth since he basically got nothing out of Trump’s 2016 election victory. More.
Retiring Senator Bob Corker (R-Tenn.) says he plans to be a thorn in President Trump’s side before he votes to confirm Trump’s pick to replace retiring U.S. Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy. “Because I’m not running for reelection, I can take brave positions without repercussions at the polls, which is why I’ll make a lot of noise until I give Trump what he wants,” Corker says. Retiring Senator Jeff Flake (R-Ariz.) is in a similar position. “I have a history of standing up to Donald Trump until I sit down to vote for what he asks for,” Flake says. “I think it’s important for all of us who worry about the health of our democratic institutions to wag our finger in the president’s face before we hand him more power.” More.
Associate U.S. Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy says he’s proud of his legacy on issues of fairness to women, minorities, and the LGBQT community, which is why he’s throwing it all away by giving the Republican president and Congress the chance to choose an arch conservative for his successor. “Had I waited, Democrats might have reclaimed the Senate and forced a moderate jurist to replace me and I couldn’t have that knowing the importance of my legacy on fairness issues,” he said. “As it is, I’m almost guaranteeing my work will be undone by my replacement.” Kennedy, a libertarian-leaning jurist appointed by President Reagan in 1988, was the court’s swing vote, siding with conservatives on economic issues but showing a progressive streak by siding with liberals on social issues like abortion, gay rights, and women’s issues. More.
President Trump used the recent tariff woes hitting Harley-Davidson to double down on his threats to China and other trading partners that he’s prepared to tank any number of American businesses to punish their unfair trade practices. “Caterpillar, Carrier, 3M . . . no one has more good companies to destroy than I do when it comes to waging trade wars,” Trump said this morning. Harley-Davidson, the iconic motorcycle manufacturer that Trump hosted at the White House early in his presidency, just announced plans to send some manufacturing outside the United States because of tariffs being imposed on it by other countries in retaliation for the tariffs Trump imposed on them. “We don’t want to move,” said Matt Levatich, the company’s CEO. “We want to keep building our products here, but in the face of these new tariffs, it’s unlikely we can maintain our domestic operations.” More.
DELUTH, Minn.—Speaking at a boisterous rally here shortly after signing an executive order putting an end to family separations at the border, President Trump said that he alone, with his business and negotiation skills, can fix the problems he creates. “No one can fix the problems I create like I can,” Trump told thousands of people at the rally. “Look at Hillary—Crooked Hillary—or Barack Obama. Do you think they could fix the problems I create? I don’t think so. And Hillary won’t be fixing anything once she’s in jail for colluding with the FBI and Justice to fix the election!” More.
Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner, the daughter and son-in-law of President Trump, were greeted at the White House Monday morning by federal agents carrying out the government’s policy of separating children from parents who are illegal. “The law is very clear that, even though Ivanka and Jared are employed at the White House as advisors to the president, they must be removed because bible,” Stewart Smith, head of the ICE White House Division, said in a statement. Lawmakers and others immediately condemned the action as heartless and immoral. “To separate children from their parents, no matter the parent’s apparent guilt, is wrong,” said Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.), minority leader of the Senate. More.
Almost one out of every four Americans is a scumbag but only about 20 percent of these scumbags are effective at what they do, minimizing the negative effect they have on the country, research finds. “We always knew a significant percentage of the United States was comprised of scumbags. We just didn’t know what that percentage was,” says Meyer Feinhold, professor of sociological econometrics at the Maryland Institute of Technology and the lead researcher on the study. “What we’re saying is, that percentage is quite high, but we’re also saying most scumbags are not just terrible people; they’re bad at what they do, so that’s a good thing.” More.
SINGAPORE—President Trump said today he’s giving the world its greatest photo op ever by meeting North Korean leader Kim Jong-un in exchange for meeting with the North Korean leader. “It’s unbelievable the pictures and the video you’re getting because of my decision to meet with Kim in exchange for my having a meeting with Kim,” Trump said at his press briefing with Kim. Trump said news outlets from all across the world have set up cameras and satellite trucks to send back footage of him shaking hands with Kim and saying things privately to him, while leaders of other countries, like Angela Merkel of Germany or Emmanuel Macron of France, don’t have cameras and microphones following them around. More.
EPA Administrator Scott Pruitt says he will stop making his most important decisions in his $43,000 soundproof phone booth because apparently the decisions he makes in it are really bad ones. “It seemed like a good idea at the time to have aides drive around D.C. to find that really nice smelling lotion I like,” said Pruitt, who has been hit with almost two dozen ethics violations since he was appointed last year. “But now that I’m not in my soundproof phone booth, I see that it wasn’t a good idea.” Pruitt said he was in hs phone booth when he tried to get his wife a Chik-Fil-A franchise, signed an agreement to lease a lobbyist’s apartment for $50 a night, and asked an aide to buy him a used mattress from the Trump International Hotel in D.C. More.
A confidential memo prepared by White House lawyers has found that the president of the United States is in fact above the law and that the American people are in fact out of luck. “After exhaustive research into the Constitution of the United States and applicable legal precedents,” the memo says, “we have concluded that the president of the United States is actually above the law notwithstanding the idea that no one is above the law.” The memo goes on to explain that the president can shoot people, including former heads of the FBI, and fabricate reasons for meeting with enemies of the state while a candidate for president without consequences. More.
President Donald Trump said he can’t believe how beautiful his wife Melania looked when Barack Obama leaned over and made her smile at the funeral of former First Lady Barbara Bush April 21. “The beautiful First Lady Melania Trump looked radiant at Barbara Bush funeral,” Trump tweeted on Sunday morning, the day after the funeral. “Must give credit to Obama, even though he left me with mess in White House and almost ruined America before I came in and made country great again.” Trump said his wife smiles at him all the time and he called rumors of her being upset for his alleged affairs with prostitutes, porn stars, and playmates overblown. “Melania knows the stories aren’t true . . . . More.
An explosive report from the New York Times to be released today reveals why Nikki Haley, the U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, remains one of the few Trump appointees to escape the president’s wrath when things go wrong in his administration: he’s bound by a non-disclosure agreement with the popular former governor of South Carolina. “I can neither confirm nor deny that the president has signed a non-disclosure agreement with Ambassador Haley,” says a White House official who spoke on condition of anonymity. “You’ll have to ask the president that, because I am not at liberty to talk about matters relating to non-disclosure agreements between the president and the people who work for him. Perhaps I’d like to talk about it, but perhaps I can’t.” More.
Rick Santorum, who was voted out of the U.S. Senate in 2006 by people who live in Pennsylvania, was slammed by news commentator Van Jones on CNN yesterday for expecting lawmakers to take his foot out of his mouth rather than learning how to do it himself. “Instead of looking to someone else to solve your problem, do something about maybe taking foot-removal classes or trying to deal with situations so that when there is a foot in your mouth, you can actually respond to that,” said Van Jones, who was part of a panel discussion with Santorum on CNN’s State of the Union show. “You’re not taking action,” Jones went on. “You’re not saying, ‘How do I, as an individual, deal with this foot in my mouth? How am I going to do something about these five toes, this sole, and this heel that are making it difficult for me to talk? More.
President Donald Trump defended his call to Vladimir Putin to congratulate him on his reelection to the Russian presidency earlier this week by saying he’s no different than any other leader who picks the candidates he runs against, controls the voting system in his country, and dictates any policy he wants as long as he doesn’t trigger opposition from his opponents who are lying in wait to depose him. “Theresa May, Emmanuel Macron, Justin Trudeau—are they all so much different than President Putin?” Trump said in remarks to reporters this morning. Trump said that Theresa May, who is prime minister of Great Britain, wouldn’t be much different than Vladimir Putin if she had her political enemies assassinated and knew Parliament would rubber stamp any policy she handed it. More.
After a series of high-profile departures from his White House team, President Trump is increasingly relying on the advisor he said he would use most on the campaign trail: his “big, beautiful brain.” “I rely on myself first of all,” Trump said while campaigning for president in 2016. “I have a very big brain. You don’t have to feel bad. It’s not your fault.” But now aides are wondering if Trump’s brain will be the next member of his team to go. “After the departures of Mike Flynn, Reince Priebus, Sean Spicer, Anthony Scaramucci, Steve Bannon, Jon Porter, and now Hope Hicks and Gary Cohn, there’s a concern that Trump’s brain is ready to jump ship as well,” said one White House aide who asked not to be identified because of the sensitivity of the topic. More.
The dramatic 30 percent tariff the White House plans to impose on imported Steele isn’t a misspelling of the word steel, White House Spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders said today at her daily briefing. “We think Steele is harmful to the United States and we are absolutely trying to discourage it from coming into the country by imposing what we think is a completely justified tariff on it,” she said. “Allowing Steele into the United States, with no restraint, paying no price, is a fast-track way to trouble,” Sanders added. “That’s President Trump’s view. He wants to curb it. And he has the authority to do that.” More.
President Donald Trump took aim at law enforcement officers who waited outside while a former student shot up his school in Florida two weeks ago by saying he would have tried to save the kids even if he were unarmed and bone spurs on his feet were hurting him. “You don’t know until you test it,” Trump told a gathering of governors at the Whte House yesterday. “But I think I would have gone in. I love the kids, so I would have tried to ignore the pain on my heels. I’ve been told I’m a tough cookie. People have made that observation about me. It’s a tough call, but I think I would have gone in, although I probably would have had a bad limp.” Trump has proposed arming a portion of the country’s teachers and training them in the use of firearms as a way to deter school shootings, which are on the rise. The last major shooting, at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Fla., left 17 students and two teachers dead after Nikolas Cruz, 19, used a legally purchased assault rifle in a shooting spree. More.
Democratic National Committee Chairman Tom Perez would neither confirm nor deny that party leaders are quietly courting a shark to run against President Donald Trump in 2020 should he run for reelection, as he’s expected to do. “All I can say is, we have many potential candidates who are the right person to lead our country at an important time in our history and who are well positioned to defeat our historically unpopular President,” Perez said when asked today about whether his organization is in talks with a shark to run against the President. Rumors that the DNC is courting a shark surfaced this week when Rep. Seth Moulton (D-Mass.), an up and coming lawmaker who is said to be contemplating a run for president in 2020, accused the DNC of treating him and other potential candidates like “plankton and krill” who are “nothing more than calories to be filtered through the open mouths of a basking shark.” More.
Mitt Romney, the former GOP presidential nominee and governor of Massachusetts, has announced he’s running for the seat of retiring U.S. Senator Orrin Hatch of Utah. “We need more Utah values in the federal government,” Romney said in his announcement video. He defined “Utah values” as taking bold stands that win admiring praise. “What we want are the kind of grandstanding statements that make people think you have a spine before you show them you don’t.” Romney pointed to his success disavowing his biggest achievement as governor of Massachusetts by saying his market-based approach to providing health insurance to everyone in the state was a mistake. “Had I known it would generate criticism from Republicans outside of Massachusetts I never would have implemented that successful program,” he said. Romney said he thinks he can prevail in heavily Republican Utah in part because he has the endorsement of President Trump. More.
Top White House policy aide Stephen Miller has been accused of abusing himself by yelling at his face in the mirror when he shaves, making disparaging remarks about his empty social life when he eats dinner alone, and wishing he were anyone other than the most disliked person in Washington when he wakes up in the morning. The accusation, which was first reported by The Guardian of London, is based on an extensive interview with Miller by the publication and corroborated by Miller’s neighbor, who says she hears “abusive, expletive-filled language” every night between Miller and his bathroom mirror. More.
The mother of John Thune (R-S.D.), the third-ranking Republican in the U.S. Senate, says he needs to put some meat on his bones so he doesn’t blow away when a strong wind kicks up. “Is he getting enough to eat?” his mother says. “I bet he’s not eating breakfast.” His mother says she sees him on TV and she can tell he probably didn’t eat the potato rolls she sent him last week. “His aunt brought those rolls home from Pennsylvania,” she says. “The man she bought them from was very nice. The rolls were good. He should eat them instead of letting them get stale.” More.
Conservative news tabloid National Midnight Star released a blockbuster report today claiming Donald Trump’s relationship with porn star Stormy Daniels in 2006 didn’t occur spontaneously but was arranged and paid for by his wife Melania so she could “get him out of the bed for a freakin’ while” and focus on raising their son. “You have to understand, Melania thought having sex with Donald Trump was a small price to pay to get the lifestyle she wanted with his money,” says a White House staffer who was quoted anonymously by the tabloid. “But she realized after a year with him that it wasn’t a small price at all; it was a price that was too steep for her to pay and she became desperate, as anyone would.” More.
Trump Can’t Understand Why U.S.’s Crumbling Infrastructure, Mediocre Schools, and Depleted State Budgets Aren’t Enticing More Migration From Norway
President Trump today said he’d like to see more immigration from Norway and other advanced countries but for some reason people who live in places with well-run and adequately funded governments don’t want to come to the U.S. “I’m not sure why a person who does satisfying work in a country that provides well-run public services doesn’t want to come here,” Trump said at a press briefing. “Apparently our obsolete airports, money-starved transit systems, and hellish public services don’t appeal to people whose countries invest in their citizens.” More.
President Donald Trump was rewarded with applause and cheers for insulting and taking for fools the people he was speaking to at an event in Nashville, Tenn., earlier this week. Trump told the several thousand people at the event they were happy they voted for him and that they were lucky he gave them the privilege to vote for him. “Oh, are you happy you voted for me,” the President told the people watching his mouth move and listening to the words coming out. “You are so lucky that I gave you that privilege.” More.
Former Trump advisor Stephen Bannon believes he still influences public debate over important topics like immigration reform and the economic policy of the United States. The former executive editor of Breitbart News is a former campaign manager of Trump’s who at one time had the support of wealthy political backers like Robert Mercer and his daughter Rebekah, billionaires who fund conservative causes. Bannon, 64, was a chief architect of the loss of a long-held Republican seat in the Senate by throwing his support behind Roy Moore, an accused child molester who lost to Democrat Doug Jones in last month’s special election to fill the Alabama Senate seat vacated when Jeff Sessions became U.S. Attorney General. More.
President Donald Trump was overheard singing the Russian national anthem rather than the American national anthem during the opening ceremony of the NCAA football championship game between Alabama and Georgia universities Jan. 8. “От южных морей до полярного края,” the President was heard singing, while those around him were singing, “What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming.” Commentators have remarked that the President didn’t appear to know the words to the national anthem, but it wasn’t until a recording surfaced in which his voice could be heard that it became clear it was the Russian national anthem that he was singing. More.
President Donald Trump said it was a mark of his intelligence that he allowed a reporter—Fire and Fury author Michael Wolff—to have unfettered access to White House staff for a year. “I’m, like, really smart for letting him act as a fly on the wall while my administration settled into the task of governing the country over the past year,” Trump said. The president pointed out that he’s a good read of character and knows who should and who shouldn’t get access to his staff. “No one knows people better than I do,” he said. “To be a billionaire, TV star, and now president, you need to be able to size people up and know who should and who shouldn’t be talking to your top staff day after day with the aim of writing a tell-all book.” More.
House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) probably aren’t going to say anything about it, according to the two congressional leaders’ aides. Max Phillip, McConnell’s chief of staff, said it’s the Majority’ Leader’s intent not to say much about President Trump’s tweet comparing his nuclear button to the nuclear button of North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. “Would he plan to comment on that anytime soon?” Phillip said. “I wouldn’t expect that.” Phillip said there’s always a temptation to say something when the President’s son is accused of treason by a person who was the President’s top aide just a short while ago, but the Majority Leader will probably not address it. “You have to think about what you remark on and what you don’t remark on, and I think the Majority Leader will probably choose not to remark on that,” he said. More.
Reporters from national news outlets were mystified today as presidential spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders talked about concern in the White House over a “brain drain” of senior staff in the new year. “She said the White House was concerned that many senior aides were talking about leaving this year, but no one could figure out how that connected to a brain drain,” said Major Garrett, chief White House correspondent for CBS News. Jake Tapper, chief Washington correspondent for CNN, said he was equally mystified by the comment even though he knows of “a lot of senior staff” who plan to leave. Sanders’ comment left reporters so confused that the White House press office was flooded with calls after the briefing, but no one was able to get clarification about a brain drain. More.
Pence Not Allowed to Meet Alone With Trump Any More After What His Mouth Was Caught Doing in Last Cabinet Meeting
The staff of Vice President Mike Pence have extended his rule about never meeting alone with women to include Donald Trump out of fear he’ll act inappropriately with the president. ‘This is just a cautionary measure that we decided should be in place after we caught the vice president’s mouth acting inappropriately with the president during the last cabinet meeting,” says Pence’s chief of staff, Nate Avers. The last cabinet meeting was held the day Congress passed its sweeping tax reform bill and Pence was caught on camera using his mouth on Trump in a way that made onlookers blush. “I’m deeply humbled to be your vice president and to be able to be here,” the vice president’s mouth was caught saying. “I want to thank your outstanding team. I want to thank you for seeing through the course of this year an agenda that truly is restoring this country. More.
President Donald Trump this morning says hell probably lie about it, although he’s not sure if he’ll use the lie he’s been planning to use or a different lie, including one he hasn’t thought of yet. “We’ll see how it goes when we get to that point,” Trump told reporters outside the White House. “One thing I think I’ve made clear is, I don’t like to give away my plan. I like to keep people guessing.” Trump said he will probably lie later this week given the decision he made last week. “You know, we have to deal with the fake news like you wouldn’t believe,” he said. “I’m just going to see what the expedient thing to say is, and, frankly, I don’t know what that will be yet—or maybe I do. Maybe I don’t want to tell you.” He said part of what he says might be truthful. “Maybe there’s an expectation I’ll lie completely,” he said. “We just don’t know, but there could be some truth to what I say. More.
Influential Republican strategist Stephen Bannon wasted no time after his party’s big loss in the Alabama Senate race this week to unveil a plan for losing in South Carolina, Texas, and other deep-red states in coming elections. “We have that rare opportunity to hand over Republican states to Democrats next year and in 2020 if we’re ready to seize the moment,” Bannon said in remarks to Republican supporters last night. “After decades of Republican control, we can hand these states over to Democrats by draining the swamp of the mainstream, establishment conservatives who people are willing to vote for and replace them with people that many mainstream conservatives aren’t willing to vote for.” More.
President Donald Trump is expected to blame his 2016 Democratic opponent Hillary Clinton later today. An administration official this morning said the President will be saying it’s Clinton’s fault and that Clinton’s actions raise questions. “Let’s not forget that questions remain unsettled over what Clinton did and what she didn’t do,” said the official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity in order to speak candidly about the President’s intentions. The official said Trump plans to assign the blame to Clinton and will likely point to unanswered questions as well. “He will be clear that the Democratic nominee he ran against is at fault, but whether he will pivot to unanswered questions in her past isn’t clear,” the official said. “We’re talking about the President. He goes off script sometimes.” More.
President Donald Trump has charged the Democratic party with already having rigged the 2020 presidential election and he says his Democratic opponent has already cheated. “Loser Dems haven’t even waited until my first year as president is over before rigging the 2020 elections because they can’t win on their own,” Trump said today. He also accused his Democratic opponent of cheating. “My Democratic opponent, who had the help of the crooked and corrupt DNC, is already getting dead people, immigrants, criminals to vote in New Jersey and other unAmerican, socialist states.” Trump vowed to “lock up” his Democratic opponent “who is totally corrupt, by the way” after the election. “We must SAVE USA the beautiful from liberal elite who will EXPAND the deficit and cut the Regs for liberal Wall Street and sexual harassers in Hollywood who don’t represent America.” More.
Corporations and wealthy individuals say they’ll pour their millions of dollars in cuts they stand to get from tax reform into the reelection fight of Republicans whose seats are now at risk from angry middle-class voters whose tax increases will pay for the bill. “We told the GOP they needed to pass tax cuts for the wealthy or they could forget about calling us again for political contributions,” says one billionaire who stands to save millions from tax cuts. “Now that they’re poised to deliver, we understand they need help. There are a lot of people who will want to retaliate by voting out of office anyone who voted for the tax cuts. What we’re saying is, we’re putting our new money where our mouth is.” According to polls, voters are angry that they’re facing tax hikes to pay for the cuts to corporations and the wealthy. One voter who responded to a poll was so angry she couldn’t see straight. More.
Pedophiles across the United States are coming out of the shadows and testing the waters for making deeper inroads into mainstream American society now that Republicans are defending accused child molester and Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore. “I knew when Donald Trump won the Republican nomination in 2016 we would start to see great things happening in our country for sexual predators because he was sending signals that he had our backs,” says Tom Clark, a pedophile in Houston. “What I didn’t expect was this path to mainstream acceptability to open before his first year in office was out. I’m so stunned I have to make sure I’m really alive and not caught in a very, very good dream.” Clark and other pedophiles in the United States say they never thought they would live to see the day when their sexual perversion would become something other than the most heinous sexual act a person could commit. More.
Kinky Bot®, the Japanese company that’s hoping to mass market the first sex robot, says its product is the long-sought solution to the plague of sexual harassment. “With all the scandals coming to light, it’s never been more clear that we need something like our sex robot to fill the need of men to have sex with beautiful women without having to go through all the boring preliminaries like taking women out to dinner, buying them flowers, and promising to marry them,” said Daisuki Nakamura, CEO of Kinko Bot®. Nakamura said his company’s line of robots are programmed to accept whatever approach men take to get women into bed, even if that approach would be considered harassment by a non-robot woman. “Inappropriate touching? Lewd remarks? It doesn’t matter,” said Nakamura. “Whatever approach is comfortable to you as the owner of one of our sex bots will be acceptable, because she is programmed not to be judgmental or even have a preference for how she likes to have sex. Frankly, she doesn’t even care if you’re not attractive or don’t make a lot of money.” More.
Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore said accounts of him dating teenage girls whose parents gave him permission to date them when he was in his thirties is fake news. “Let me be clear,” said Moore. “It’s not true that I dated the teenage girls whose parents gave me permission to date them.” Moore also said there’s nothing wrong with him as a man in his thirties walking around shopping malls by himself as the press accused him of doing. “The press is wrong to say I innocently and lawfully walked around malls by myself as a man in my thirties,” he said. Moore, 70, is an evangelical Christian who has been an uncompromising critic of homosexuality. He was the chief justice of the Alabama Supreme Court before he was removed from office in 2003 for defying a court order to take down a statute of the Ten Commandments he had erected on the courthouse grounds. More.
President Donald Trump took a step to help address the nation’s outbreak of mass shootings by using his executive power to create a United States Department of Prayers. “With this order we’re showing Americans that we’re doing everything we can as a government to address gun violence in our country, which is so terrible,” Trump said at a signing ceremony in Japan, where he is visiting as part of a 12-day Asia tour. Under the order, the department will deploy a religious leader based in the area of the incident to offer official prayers on behalf of the federal government. More.
President Donald Trump today called on his former Democratic opponent for the presidency, Hillary Clinton, to step down. “Witch hunt against DT most unfair ever,” the president wrote on Twitter early this morning. “Where’s investigation into Dem/HC Russia collusion?! Clinton needs to step down NOW!!” Reached while walking her dog with her family in the woods outside of Chappaqua, N.Y., Hillary Clinton said she had no comment.Trump reiterated his call for Clinton to resign at a press briefing later in the morning. “Where are the calls from the fake media for Hillary Clinton to resign?” he said. “She needs to be investigated. She will be investigated. We know about the corruption, the uranium deal that let the Russians buy a quarter of our uranium here in the United States, and the money that went into her sex-harasser husband’s phony foundation.” More.
Melania’s Body Double Speaks Out, Says She’s Repeatedly Asked Donald to Provide a Body Double at Night
First Lady Melania Trump’s body double, Nika Horvath, came forward today to confirm her role as a stand-in for the First Lady after her identity was revealed by childhood friends who saw her on TV while Donald Trump spoke about the Iranian nuclear agreement. “It is not my favor to be in public eye in this manner but I cannot hide from the knowledge now and so I speak out,” says Horvath, who, like Melania Trump, was born in Novo Mesto, Slovenia, in 1970. Horvath, a fashion model who has worked mainly in Eastern Europe and parts of Northern Africa, says she and the First Lady became friends in elementary school in part because they looked so much alike. “The people they would comment on our physical characters and they put us together and that was good because we like each other, yes, right from the beginning days,” she said. More.
White nationalist leader Richard Spencer says he believes blacks, Jews, and other Americans of impure bloodlines will leave the United States on their own accord once he and his followers march in front of enough confederate statutes. “What we think is, after a certain point, the approximately 15 million Jews and about 50 million blacks in our country will choose to leave and everyone will be happy,” says Spencer, whose organization is based in Alexandria, Va. Spencer’s organization was involved in the rally by white supremacists, neo-Nazis, and the Ku Klux Klan in Charlottesville, Va., in late August that led to the death of a counter protester. More.
The U.S. Congress came together in a bipartisan fashion today to condemn the acts of gun violence that will plague the country in the months and years ahead. “We condemn the senseless taking of innocent life that we will experience in the future,” the resolution reads. “We call on all Americans to come together during these times of national trauma that will inflict us, probably twice a year if not more frequently.” Sen. John Barrasso (R-Wyo.), one of the sponsors of the resolution, says it’s a step in the right direction for lawmakers to get all of their future condemnations of acts of gun violence out of the way at once, because that will free up time for other legislative priorities. More.
The images of fake destruction wrought by Hurricane Irma throughout the Caribbean are impresssive for their detailed made-upness and carefully crafted untruthfulness, conservative radio commentator Rush Limbaugh said today. He added that the misleadingness that the fake news media has employed to further their agenda of duping the public ought to win them a medal for best fabrications of reality. “Someone went the extra mile to pretend Barbudos no longer exists as a functioning island of 1,600 people,” Limbaugh said on his show, which attracts millions of listeners each week. “How much did leftists propagandists spend to make us believe St. Martins was crushed under hurricane winds of 185 miles per hour? And they get the mayor of San Juan, Puerto Rico, to pretend to stay in a stairwell with 500 other people to escape the storm. That was a brilliant act of fiction. I wonder how many Hollywood special effects artists were able to buy a new BMW for their work making us believe Miami is going to be the next target of this exaggerated storm. More.
Vice President Mike Pence blames “fake news” on the rumor circulating in the media that he suggested to President Donald Trump that his TV ratings would go up if he rode out Hurricane Irma, a category 5 storm with 185 miles-per-hour winds, at Trump’s estate in South Florida, Mar-a-Lago. “I never recommended Mar-A-Lago to the President nor did I suggest or even hint at Mar-a-Lago as a safe and appropriate place from which to monitor and provide leadership during the storm known as Hurricane Irma,” Pence said in a statement released this morning. Good vantage point[/caption]The Pence statement went on to accuse news organizations with “shoddy fact-checking” and “outright lies” in attributing the Mar-a-Lago suggestion to him. “If the news media wants to be a source of information worthy of the American people’s trust, it should improve its news gathering and fact checking operations so that the information it provides to the citizens of this country is factual and accurate.” More.
Retailers across the United States and even in Europe and Asia say they can’t keep their new line of Melania “First Responder” Stiletto Boots in stock as women strive to be the first among their friends and coworkers to sport the rugged-yet-sexy boots from hot designer Peter Cremlin. “Right now we’re just trying to fill orders on an emergency basis as fast as we can and we just ask our customers to be patient as we ride out this storm of demand,” says Stephen Caine, Saks Fifth Avenue’s general manager for merchandise. “We are in contact with our suppliers around the world to get these orders filled as quickly and as efficiently as possible.” The boots, which retail for between $999 and $1,499 in stores throughout the United States, have generated some controversy as critics say they exploit the devastation in the Texas Gulf Coast due to Hurricane Harvey. More.
Houston mega church pastor Joel Osteen, after taking criticism for his slow response to displaced Hurricane Harvey victims, announced he’s opening up his 18,000-seat church to all who need it if they leave their wet boots outside and try to find something dry to wear. “God asked us to put more than $20 million in TV broadcasting equipment in His church and we really can’t get that wet,” said Osteen, who has made millions proselytizing what’s known as the prosperity gospel—the belief that God will reward you with monetary success if you seed His churches with donations. The more you seed the church, the richer you stand to become. Osteen said that criticism leveled at him for not opening the doors of his church right away are unfair because he needed the extra time to put mats down to protect the floor, which cost $3 million. More.
The following is a transcript of remarks by President Donald Trump in response to questions about his fitness for office and whether he colluded with the government of Russia to tip the 2016 election in his favor. “Let me just say this, and I want to say this to the television audience and to everyone on the Internet, on Twitter—which is the way presidents communicate today, by the way. A very modern way to communicate. You ask about mistakes. I have not made any mistakes, I promise you that. I can guarantee it. And in my two years of public life, I have always acted on the advice of my brain, which—you don’t have to feel bad about this, but which is the biggest, most beautiful brain you’ve ever seen. More.
President Donald Trump made a more serious and important decision this morning than anything former President Barack Obama ever made in his eight years in office, White House Spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders said today. Sanders was responding to a question from a reporter about an important piece of paper that Trump was photographed looking at this morning. Sanders said she wasn’t familiar with the paper, but based on past papers the President has looked at, it was likely something of grave national concern about which the President made a better decision than Obama ever would have. “I can tell you that, whatever decision President Trump made was better for America, created more jobs and saved more lives, than decisions his predecessor made,” she said. More.
Louise Linton, newly married to Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, reportedly said “I do” when she was asked at her wedding if she would love and cherish her husband until death do them part. The Scottish-born actress is probably best known for her role as Deputy Winston in Cabin Fever, a 2016 horror film. She also played Annie Luster in The Midnight Man, a 2016 film about an assassin who, late in life, experiences what it’s like to feel pain. Linton, 36, met Mnuchin at a wedding reception in 2013 and said it was an honor to have President Donald Trump and his wife, Melania Trump, at their wedding, which took place earlier this month at the Andrew Mellon Auditorium in Washington and which has been described as “extravagant” and a “fairy tale wedding” in news reports. The wedding was presided over by Vice President Mike Pence. More.
President Donald Trump admitted today he never taped former FBI Director James Comey but he left open the possibility that he’s taping himself, although he acknowledged he’s just speculating. “I’m not saying I am taping myself but so many things are coming out of the White House, coming out of the Oval Office, that I think I could be taping myself,” he said. “I just think we’re going to be revealing some very interesting things in the months ahead. Very interesting things. You’ll be surprised, I can guarantee you that.” A White House press aide who spoke on condition of anonymity said the President’s remark “speaks for itself,” although it wasn’t clear if the President was admitting he was taping himself or whether he was being taped at his request or whether he was being taped not at his request but with his tacit agreement. “Or maybe the agreement isn’t tacit,” this aide said. “I think you ought to ask the President whether it’s tacit or not.” More.
Trump: ‘I’m Going to Preside Over the Greatest Collapse of American Civil Society We’ve Ever Seen, Believe Me’
President Donald Trump said today Americans will be more divided, more hostile to one another than the country has ever seen before, even more than during the Civil War, when the North and the South were pitted against one another. “We’re going to have the biggest, the greatest, the most tremendous breakdown in our shared civil culture than we’ve ever had before, I can guarantee you that,” Trunp said in remarks at the White House. “We’re seeing Americans fight each other on airplanes, insult each other in supermarket lines, and refuse to do business with one another. It will be the most fantastic breakdown in our country and it’s going to be so big.” Trump said America has long had a history of putting differences aside to work for the common good, but that path has put the country in its current state of mediocrity. More.
Vice President Mike Pence confided to his aides that he’s happy to be president after Donald Trump is removed from office later this year but he’s also nervous about the number of times he’ll have to be alone with a woman who is not his wife. “The presidency is a big responsibility and there are a lot of important women I’ll have to meet and I’m not sure I’ll always be able have an aide with me,” said Pence, who adheres to a policy of never being alone with a woman unless she’s his wife, Karen. “Take Theresa May,” he said, referring to the prime minster of Great Britain. “I know there will be occasions when the two of us will have to have a private talk. I’m just not sure what I’m going to do. I’m very concerned about this.” More.
PALO ALTO, Calif.—A major symposium on the presidency of Donald Trump erupted into a heated discussion yesterday as some of the United States’ most distinguished professors of political science disagreed over whether President Trump is an utter moron or an absolute idiot. Benjamin Heitzberg, professor emeritus of political science at Harvard University’s Kennedy School of Government, said Trump burst from the starting gate as an utter moron by targeting an entire religion in his immigration ban. “The United States has become a great nation in part because it’s been a beacon of hope for people the world over to come here and realize their full potential,” said Heitzberg, who last year was awarded a lifetime achievement award by the International Society of Political Scientists. “Only an utter moron would purposefully damage one of the country’s greatest intangible assets.” More.
Former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn insisted he’s not guilty of colluding with Russia to help Donald Trump become president in 2016 and to prove it, he said he’ll gladly testify before Congress as long as he’s given immunity. “I’m eager to clear my name of these incorrect charges,” said Flynn, who has kept a low profile since resigning in January after just a few weeks working for the Trump White House. “That’s why l’m saying, give me immunity to testify and I’ll tell you everything I know.” Flynn said his testimony will show he has done nothing wrong and the entire Russia-Trump connection amounts to nothing. More.
Recent sightings in the foothills of Spring Creek, Calif., of a mysterious beauty object have caused a stir in this former mining town 175 miles north of San Francisco. “I haven’t seen the town buzzing like this since we had the frog jumping contest here one year because the track was too muddy in Calaveras County,” says Sam Baker, a retired rancher who serves as the town’s unofficial historian. The cause of all the excitement are recent sightings of an unidentified beauty object that many locals believe is Melania Trump, the rarely seen wife of President Donald Trump. “We thought she only existed in New York City,” says Helen Carter, owner of Carter’s Diner on Route 43. “The idea that she would be sighted way out here—about as far from New York City as you can get—makes me think it’s not really her but a local girl who probably got pregnant and doesn’t want to tell her parents.” More.
In a sensational shot across the bow, American President Donald Trump said at the White House today that North Korea’s leader, Kim Jong-un, is a “vindictive, narcissistic sociopath’ who mustn’t be allowed to have nuclear weapons because he’s “impulsive, unstable, and holds a grudge.” Trump also said he lies “practically every time” he opens his mouth. “What we have in North Korea is a man who only got where he is today because of his father,” Trump told reporters. Kim is the third leader in the Kim dynasty, which began in 1948 when Kim Il-sung led his country’s effort to overthrow Japanese rule. Kim then elevated his son, Kim Jong-il, to the post of Supreme Leader in 1994, and then Kim Jong-il elevated Kim Jong-un in 2011, when he was 27. More.