America, Exhausted, Limps Into 7th Week of Trump Presidency

Oh, god . . .

Citizens throughout the United States say they can’t sleep, can’t focus, and are starting to hallucinate as the presidency of Donald Trump enters its 7th week. “What person or institution will he have discredited since I turned my bedside light off eight hours ago?” asks April Morgan, a marketing assistant in Chicago. “What bond between Americans will he discover that he can tear to shreds? I just don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to get myself out of bed in the morning.”

Oh, god . . .

Peter Breen, a communications executive with a software company in Pittsburgh, says he’s taking a lot of Xanax to cope with having a president who doesn’t seem to care what kind of hell he puts his citizens through. “I’m confident I’ll be able to break my addiction to the drug once a new president takes over in either four or eight years,” he says. “My only concern is that he’ll have discredited our system to such an extent that no one will accept any election outcome no matter what. That thought usually makes me take another Xanax. I might start getting stoned, too. I haven’t done that since high school, but I’m thinking about it.”

Oh, god . . .

DeNikka Jackson, a hairstylists in Alexandria, Va., says she keeps herself busy by going to night school. “I’m going to get a law degree,” she says. “That’s the dream that keeps me going: getting my degree and suing him for everything he’s got. I know it’s not real, but it’s the fantasy I hang my future on. We all have to have a goal.”

“Only about 200 more weeks to go,” says John Taylor, a retired engineer in Bowie, Md. “Thank god we don’t have another, say, 207 weeks to go. it’s just another 200 to go. Already down seven. One foot in front of the other. A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.”

Next week, President Trump will interact with the world. A hollow-eyed America awaits what will happen in Week 8 of the Trump presidency.

This is a work of satire. It is a fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photo: q, ifm, tm. Creative Commons. Not necessarily an endorsed use of image.

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