Parliament Votes to Allow Trump’s Combover Into Britain, But Not Trump

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‘Combover not to blame’

LONDON—After a raucous parliamentary debate, members of the House of Commons voted to allow the combover of U.S. President Donald Trump into Great Britain, but Trump himself is not welcome.

“We do not want to hold Donald Trump’s bigotry and nativism against his hair,” said Gavin Blair, an MP from the southwest district of London.

England soon?

England soon?

Nigel Robinson, an MP from Birmingham, argued that the hair should be banned as well, but his argument left many unconvinced. “I made my case and I lost, and I accept that,” he said. “But I do believe his hair should not be allowed to get off scot free in this debate. My apologies to the Scots, who I hope won’t try to secede again.”

'She put us at risk'

Allowed in?

The vote came after 1.3 million people in Britain signed a petition calling for Trump to be banned from the Commonwealth. Only 100,000 signatures are needed for Parliament to take up a petition matter.

British Prime Minister Theresa May said she does not support banning Trump from the country and she’s disappointed only his hair will be allowed in. “It will not be easy dealing only with his hair,” May said. “More importantly, this is not the way to treat the elected leader of our most important ally. Then again, the people have spoken.”

my

Yiannopoulos

Parliament has also received a petition to vote on whether they should allow Milo Yiannopoulos back into the country or just his pearls. No vote has been scheduled yet. Yiannopoulos is a British subject but he spends most of his time in the U.S. as a senior editor of the far-right publication Breitbart News. “I don’t think we should punish his pearls,” said Liam McCarthy, an MP from Northhampshire. “They did not ask to be worn around his neck and pierced into his ears.”

But others said the pearls should stay out. “They have been on his person when he has said the most hateful and outlandish things,” said Robinson, the MP from Birmingham. “Could they have stopped him? No, they’re just pearls. But still.”

Yiannopoulos, who is gay, is an anti-gay activist who is often referred to as “a prick.” Should he be disinvited to the U.K., it will not be the first time he has faced a ban. He is routinely banned from speaking at American and British universities due to his inflammatory remarks about gays, liberals, and Trump critics.

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified): dg (Creative Commons and public domain). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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