President Donald Trump introduced his latest picks for national security advisor, deputy secretary of state, and director of the secret service, but none of the appointees allowed themselves to be publicly identified.
“I am ‘honored’ to be chosen to help keep our country safe as national security advisor,” said the person named to that post, whose face was kept hidden by a bag. “I have worked in national security for decades and have dedicated my life to our country’s safety. I guess you’ll have to take my word for it.”
The appointee, who stands about 6′ 1″ and looks to be between 195 and 210 pounds, said he accepted this “very important position” out of love of country.
The highly sensitive post is vacant because Michael Flynn, Trump’s original pick for the position, resigned after it was revealed he had potentially illegal contact with Russian officials while Barack Obama was still president. Trump named Vice Admiral Robert Harward as his replacement, but he declined the offer. Trump next named General David Petraeus, a past director of the CIA, but he also declined.
The nominee for deputy secretary of state, who will serve under recently confirmed secretary of state Rex Tillerson, says he will strive to advance the national interests of the United States and keep the state department running as smoothly as possible. “It is with great pride in my country that I accept this ‘honor,'” said the person, who looked to be close to the same size as the national security advisor appointee.
The unidentified man named to head up the secret service, which is tasked with securing the safety of the President, his family, and other White House officials, said he agreed to accept the position on behalf of the American people. “While it is an ‘honor’ to be here today, I do this not for any one president but for our country,” said the person, who appeared to be a little shorter than the other two but perhaps a bit bulkier, which is appropriate for a security professional.
Trump praised the persons for agreeing to serve. “Many, many people would love to work in this administration,” the president said. “‘Many are called, but few are chosen’ is the saying, I think. We have so many people—I would say hundreds—who want to be in my cabinet and be part of my team of advisors. I think I’ve had more people put their name in than any other president in history. It’s been amazing the number of people who want to serve.”
Trump said later he invited them to lunch in the White House but he hasn’t heard back from any of them yet.
This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified): pd (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.
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