Trump ‘Particularly Impressed’ With His Brain Over These First Few Weeks

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Impressive performance

President Donald Trump said his brain has performed as well as he had expected and often better over the first four weeks of his presidency. “It’s given me great advice on so many things, important national security maters,” said Trump, who spoke to Fox News in an interview Wednesday night.

Trump said his brain gave him “particularly good advice” when he learned Michael Flynn, his national security advisor until he resigned earlier this week, had been talking to Russian officials while Barack Obama was still president about lifting sanctions. “My first instinct was to fire him, but my brain told me to wait until the press found out,” said Trump.

According to news reports, Trump knew of Flynn’s contacts for 11 days before he let Flynn know that he should resign his post.

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Trumpian Brain

Trump also praised the advice he received from his brain when North Korea, looking to provoke the new president, conducted a test of a ballistic missile that’s capable of carrying a nuclear warhead. “My brain said I should have my national security advisor reply with a strong statement that the North Koreans were being put on official notice,” said Trump. “That was great advice. In fact, it was my brain that came up with the line “official notice,” which got a lot of attention. You heard that line a lot in the news. It was a good line. Very memorable.”

During the election, Trump praised his brain on several occasions and said he would rely on his brain most of all for his advice. “I talk to myself,” he said. “I look to my own brain for the right answer and I know I can count on it. It’s with me 100 percent. It knows me. It knows my strengths. I’ll be looking to my brain over the next several years. I’m keeping this handsome set of hair on it, too. Good brain. Good hair. John Kerry has good hair but he’s a loser. He’s a choker. He did nothing good while he was secretary of state, just like like Hillary Clinton did nothing good. Bad advisors. They don’t have to feel bad. It’s not their fault their brains aren’t as good as mine.”

Next week, Trump said, he’ll be looking to his brain for help on calls he has planned with several heads of state, including the president of France.

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified): pd (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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