First 3 Days in Office Most Presidential Ever, Trump Says

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Really presidential

President Donald Trump says his first three days in office have been the “most presidential of any president at any time in the history of the United States” and the incredible presidential quality of his presidency will only get “more presidential” from here.

Trump says his first action on his first day was to suspend, “very presidentially,” a rule that President Obama implemented right before he left office to lower the insurance premium for federally backed FHA home loans. The lower premiums were expected to make homeownership more affordable for millions of middle class households, which Trump called a very “unpresidential move” because it wasn’t done with the kind of presidential quality he would have done it with.

“Making it easier for people to buy homes is one of the most unpresidential things a president could do if you don’t do it in a presidential way,” Trump said.

By suspending that rule, Trump said, only wealthier people would be able to buy homes, which is a more presidential action for a president to take.

Trump also issued an executive order that would lay the groundwork for agencies to start dismantling the Affordable Care Act, also known as Obamacare, once Congress passes legislation terminating the program.

“That was a particularly presidential thing to do,” Trump said. “And it’ll be even more presidential once we get some legislation on this. I’m looking forward to what Congress comes up with, because there are a lot of presidential things waiting to happen.”

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Presidential plus

Trump also went to the headquarters of the Central Intelligence Agency and accused the media of questioning how presidential his inauguration was by saying far fewer people came to his inauguration than to Obama’s.

“There wasn’t a more presidential inauguration than the inauguration of Donald Trump,” he said.

Trump said he looked more like a president than Obama and that the guests around him, including his wife, looked more like presidential guests than the people around Obama when he was inaugurated. “Does Melania look like a presidential guest, or what?” he said. “No one looks more like a presidential guest than her. And some of the others. And my daughter, and my sons, and their families. Very presidential as guests. I was very impressed. Still am. I wasn’t impressed with Michelle Obama or her mother. I’m sorry, they’re just not presidential as far as guests go. You can just tell.”

Trump also said he sleeps more presidentially at night than other presidents have. “We have very presidential nights,” he said of himself and Melania. “If you were to come into our room at night, you would see. Really presidential. You’ll have to ask Melania if my hands are part of the reason for that. I think they are. But you have to ask Melania. I know she thinks I have presidential hands. I think that’s why I won. One thing Hillary Clinton doesn’t have are presidential hands. She should have thought of that before she ran. She could have saved the country a lot of unnecessary voting. You could have seen from the beginning it wasn’t necessary to go through all that. What was the point? But we’re good now. We finally got the presidential thing being done right in this country.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified): gs, pd (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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