Trump to Outsource Spy Operations to Russia

Former U.S. foe said to have more sophisticated capabilities

dt

‘CIA a disaster’

President-elect Donald Trump said today he will move U.S. spy operations to Russia, which has “terrific” surveillance and “fantastic” intelligence gathering. “Our spy operations are a disaster,” Trump said after meeting with Mike Pompeo, the Kansas congressman who is in line to head up the CIA.

Trump said his “good relationship” with Russia president Vladimir Putin makes the partnership with Russia’s spy agency, known as the KGB, a “fantastic opportunity to get the best intelligence, the best knowledge of what’s going on in the world.”

ciaCurrently, most of Russia’s spa capabilities are trained on the U.S., but Trump said that will change. “I spoke to Putin,” he said. “We had a long talk. A good talk. And we’re going to move Russia’s spy operations to other parts of the world.”

Russia will continue to do some spying on the U.S., Trump said, “but it won’t be any more than we already do on ourselves. They’ll be taking over our internal spying, which they already do a very good job of anyway.”

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Pompeo: Eye on Ottawa

American spies and surveillance operations won’t go away entirely. “We’ll be moving people to Moscow,” he said. “They can learn what the Russians know. We’ll learn from the best, so we can be the best again.”

Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), the Senate majority leader, said the plan makes sense, especially given budget cuts the government is going to make to offset planned tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans. “We have to cut the taxes of our wealthiest citizens, who disproportionately must use offshore shelters to hide their money,” he said. “What we want is fairness, and by cutting their taxes, they can bring that money back home so they can enjoy it the way they’re supposed to. Now, instead of hiding their money, they can buy another boat.”https://www.amazon.com/dp/B019Q6TNHO/ref=as_li_ss_il?psc=1&linkCode=li2&tag=mediab-20&linkId=37ba0c5dc5406d20339d4e64fbb0c5be

Pompeo, who is expected to be confirmed easily by the Senate to head the CIA, sad he will have plenty to do after Russia takes over most of the spying for the U.S. “We will always have some spy capabilities here,” he said. “Russia doesn’t do a lot of spying of Canada, for instance. So, we’ll spy on Canada. And we’ll spy on California. There’s a good chance they won’t even be part of the United States in a few years, so we’ll have to keep tabs on them.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified): pd, lp (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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