Book Review: How to Play Trump Like a Fiddle: A Guide for Foreign Leaders

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Required reading

John Forrester made his name picking apart the weaknesses of George W. Bush and now he has put our next president, Donald Trump, under his knife with his new book, How to Play Trump Like a Fiddle: A Guide for Foreign Leaders.

The book immediately rose to the top of The New York Times bestseller list, with rave reviews like this one, from Andrew McNair of The New Yorker: “Forrester expertly walks prime ministers, presidents, chancellors, and business leaders through the three basic steps that will all but guarantee you will get what you want from Donald Trump while making him think he made a good deal.”

Believe it or not, the fawning superlatives about the book are accurate, because it’s masterly at getting right to the heart of what makes Donald Trump tick: his insatiable need to be regarded as a genius dealmaker.

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Maestro Son

“If you make Donald Trump believe he’s the smartest man in the room, he will give you anything you want,” Forrester writes. “Just make sure he thinks he’s the source of the idea. If you do that, you will get not only 100 percent of what you want; you will get 110 percent of what you want.”

How to Play Trump Like a Fiddle walks you through the three steps of success with our narcissist-in-chief:

1. Start by fawning over his intelligence, no matter what he’s said about your country.

2. Give him a clear win on something that’s not important to you. For example, tell him it goes against your national interest to allow an American clothespin manufacturer to set up shop in your country. But you’ll make an exception for him. In reality, you couldn’t care less about clothespin manufacturing, because https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Finally-Someone-Balls-Beach/dp/B01M7XISWN/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&qid=1481894753&sr=8-6&keywords=trump+steaks&linkCode=li2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=921462ecf9f6df1e45de46415cf620d1it’s a prehistoric industry that no one makes money in any more.

3. Once you have him believing he’s produced a win for America, and you publicly praise his dealmaking prowess, you can later go back to him and get whatever you want.

For verification that Forrester’s recipe is the right one, look no further than the trade deal just inked by Trump and Masayoshi Son of Japan’s SoftBank. Son followed the recipe in Forrester’s book to a T by promising his company would make a $50 billion investment in the U.S., an investment his company was already going to make. Son now has carte blanche to get a merger approved between Sprint, which is owned by SoftBank, and T-Mobile US, a big priority for his company.

Look for more such deals now that Forrester’s book has become required reading at the highest levels of business and government, from Australia to Zambia.

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified): pd, lp (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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