Trump Pokes China, Gives Americans Cheap Thrill

iAmericans across the country took delight in watching President-elect Donald Trump give the world’s largest country a poke by speaking on the phone with the president of Taiwan, a breach of diplomatic protocol, and then tweeting snarky statements about China’s trade practices.

kk“It feels good after so many years of watching China eat our lunch to see our president-elect give the country the ol’ Donald Trump treatment,” says Ronald Portman, a retired mechanic in St. Paul, Minn. “Ha ha.”

Porter acknowledges the poke doesn’t amount to much and will probably hurt the U.S. in the long run, but for now it feels like a win and that’s good enough for him. “We gave Iran pretty much everything they wanted when we signed that nuclear deal with them,” he says. “With the Trans Pacific Partnership trade deal, we gave away everything so we could maintain a leadership position in the Pacific Rim. We lose, we lose, we lose.”

But not this time, says Andrea Simpson, a homemaker in Des Moines, Iowa. “Trump thumbed his nose at China and I like that,” she says. “It detracts us from the problems we have here at home. ctBut for a moment, anyway, I feel like we’re great again, at least until China retaliates.”

Michael Cole, a dentist in Lawrence, Kans., says China will continue to take our factory jobs, steal our technology, cut favorable deals with other countries, https://www.amazon.com/Trump-Card-Playing-Work-Life/dp/1439140154/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&qid=1481895459&sr=8-12&keywords=ivanka+trump&linkCode=li2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=91b2ff3cc08516911477bc839ad1ef9dand gobble up resources. It’ll also keep building up its military until it rivals the military of the United States, and at that point, tensions between the two countries will get serious. “But what’s important is we tweaked their nose a bit,” he says. “They’re so used to getting everything they want, and I’m sure we’ll continue to roll over for them in the long term. But for now, Trump is giving them the same treatment he gave us during the election. He’s making them wonder what the frickin’ hell he’s doing, and that’s satisfying. In a few years, as our decline accelerates, it’ll be harder to get a thrill like this. Hopefully we’ll get a few more in before we become a second-rate country, which Trump’s policies will precipitate. But for now, take that, China!”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified): pd (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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