Still Proud* to Be Americans, Americans Say*

tp1Americans say they’re still proud* to be Americans. That’s the theme of a group that Americans launched today, called America Proud!®, to express how proud* they are to be Americans, today and tomorrow.

“We’re Americans first and always will be, and with our new organization, we’re telling the world that we stand tall* as Americans because we love our country,” says Jared Brown (not his real name), a ski instructor in Park City, Utah, who is president of the new group.

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‘Jared Brown’

Ashley Perez (not her real name), a paralegal in a law firm in San Antonio, says she heard the group was forming on Facebook and knew immediately she wanted to be a part of it. “It’s a chance to express how proud* I am of my country and will continue to be in the days ahead and years ahead,” she says.

The group will be meeting every month to plan events to celebrate how great* America is. The first event is a “We’re Proud* to Be Americans Day” in which chapters of the group in all parts of the country will wave American flags and eat hot dogs in gatherings in public parks. It’s planned for January 20, 2017, the day of the inauguration of Donald Trump as America’s 45th president. “What we’re saying is, no matter what happens, we’re proud* to be Americans,” says Brown.

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‘Ashley Perez’

“As Americans, we have to support the Office of the President of the United States,” says Perez. “No matter who is the occupant of that office, we have to stand tall*, and that’s what this organization is about.”

As of today, 64,654,483 Americans have joined the group. Among its official positions, it’s proud of the United States while its president-elect touts a conspiracy website’s claim that the election was rigged and he won the popular vote. It’s also proud to be part of a country whose president-elect nominates an admitted racist to be the country’s attorney general, a climate-change denier to be the head of its Environmental Protection Agency, and an Islamophobe to be its national security advisor. More official positions are available from the group at its website.

“America is a great* country and that’s something we never lose sight of,” says Brown. “We want the world to know that.”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified): jk, bm, pd, fas (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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