Ayn Rand, Back From the Dead, Calls Americans Ninnies for Threatening Election Violence Rather Than Going Away to Build Utopia in the Rockies

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Ayn Rand, the objectivist guru who helped launch the Libertarian movement and serves as inspiration for those in the tea party and others who believe Americans should be self reliant rather than live under the yoke of a paternalistic government, came back from the dead today to tell Americans supporting Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump that they’re “ninnies” for questioning the legitimacy of the election.

“If you read Atlas Shrugged all the way through, you know objectivism isn’t about violence and questioning the vote; it’s about withdrawing from the hopeless liberal society and building a utopia in Colorado,” said Rand, who spoke to reporters and a small crowd of people outside Trump Tower in New York City.

In Atlas Shrugged, the epic novel by Rand which many small-goverment supporters cite as the most important book they’ve ever read, the workers who know how to build and run things withdraw from the United States and start their own civilization in the Rocky Mountains. Because they are the ones who know how to build and run hkdpthings, the United States is left to wither and collapse as liberal Democrats and progressives try in vain to build and run things on their own. As the country loses its ability to provide goods and services to meet the needs of its people, it becomes clear that the individualists who know how to build and run things are indispensable to the country.

“Unless you morons forget about the election and start building the utopia in the Rockies, I want nothing to do with you,” said Rand, who died in 1982 and was not known for being warm and fuzzy. “I never said you should get your guns and threaten the country if you don’t win the election; I said you should get the hell out and let the country realize how much it needs you. D’uh!”

https://www.amazon.com/Atlas-Shrugged-Rand-Ayn-Paperback/dp/B00MXCDDFW/ref=as_li_ss_il?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1477297945&sr=1-4&keywords=atlas+shrugged&linkCode=li2&tag=daily031-20&linkId=01da573ce156f779ed45ea0c899c9c6dJack Gilt, a leader of Americans who want to protest the election outcome with violence should Trump not win, said he respects Ayn Rand, but her idea of starting a utopia in the mountains won’t work, because most of the people who support Trump don’t know how to build or run things, because they’ve spent the last 15 years in their bathrobes surfing the Internet to put together the pieces of the international conspiracy against them.

“It would be nice if we could build and run things in our own world away from the elitists in Washington and Wall Street, but few of us know how to do anything anymore,” he said. “We’d like to be able to do things for ourselves, bur the elites have taken away our ability to do that by giving us the internet. All we do all day now is talk to each other and complain how everything is stacked against us while others take our jobs and tell us what to do. That’s why our only recourse is to protest violently if we don’t win. Plus, we like to pose with our guns.”

The latest polls showed Trump is probably going to lose and many protestors aren’t sure which of the square-shaped states is Colorado anyway.

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified): srr, hkdp (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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