Bill’s Infidelities Disqualify Hillary for Office, Voters Say

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Disqualifies wife

A poll conducted shortly after the first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump at Hofstra University shows voters overwhelmingly believe the Democratic nominee is unqualified for the presidency because her husband, former president Bill Clinton, cheated on her.

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Can she lead?

“How many affairs did Bill Clinton have? Four? Five?” says Greg Newsome, a warehouse supervisor in Harrisburg, Pa. “And she wants to be president? I just don’t see how she can be our leader if her husband had affairs with other women.”

Many voters say they’re disappointed Trump held back from bringing up Bill Clinton’s affairs during the first debate. “If there’s a nuclear emergency at 3 a.m., how will Hillary make the right decision if her husband couldn’t keep his pants on when he was younger?” says Ann Burton, a retired school teacher in Springfield, Mo.

John Belmont, assistant manager of a national bank branch in Tampa, Fla., says Trump should “definitely talk about Bill Clinton’s affairs” in the next debate, because “what her husband did directly reflects on her ability to defeat ISIS, solve our immigration problem, and grow our economy,” he says.

It says a lot about Trump that none of his wives appears to have cheated on him, says Barbara Snyder, a nurse at a seniors center in Reno, Nev. “And he’s not even that good looking. I mean, he’s kind of fat and he looks like he has heart problems, but you never read about Ivana cheating on him, or Marla Maples getting flirty with anyone, or Melania wanting to use that sexy accent of hers even though she knows the clock’s ticking. She’s not going to be a beauty forever.”

Trump says news stories of him cheating on Ivana and Marla Maples, when he was married to them, are just examples of the “dishonest media” doing a “typically bad job” of being honest. “It would be nice if they could be accurate when I slam Hillary for Bill’s affairs in the next debate,” he says, “but, honestly, I don’t expect them to. They’re in Hillary’s pocket. They’ll probably turn off my mic when I’m talking. It’s a shame. People need to know Bill Clinton cheated on his wife. If she wins, he’ll be in the White House again. How can we put a cheater in the White House?”

This is a work of satire. It is fictional news article not meant to be taken seriously. Photos (some modified): cs, sg (Creative Commons). Not necessarily an endorsed use of images.

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